Monday, June 2, 2008

I have this friend . . .

My friend Dave . . .

I met Dave about 10 years ago at a bar, of all places. (Imagine THAT for those who know me.) He was a DJ at the local radio station and on Thursdays or Fridays – who remembers, he also DJ’d at said bar. I was in college and went out every Thursday-Sunday night. (What? I graduated.) OK, 7 years later. But still. Shut up! I changed my major – A LOT.

Back then (and remember I drank 4 days out of 7) I thought he looked like Joey from Friends. I don't think so any more, but back then I did. Sue me. It was also more than 10 years ago and even Joey doesn't look like Joey any more. Plus, he (Dave, not Joey) needs to dye his hair. (Yes you do. I don’t care what your hairdresser says.)

Anyway, I thought he was way cute (you know I did and I just can’t wait to hear your comments David about this little bit of info) This had a lot to do with WHY I went to that bar every weekend. That, and the fact that the bouncer was a former boyfriend (friend with benefits, really, and he was HOT) so I figured my odds of hooking up, one way or another, were good. It seemed that Dave was always there with this girl, I'll call her Sue, who was another DJ from the station. I figured she was a girlfriend or worse, not YET his girlfriend and my competition.

Long story short (mainly because I can’t remember the details) I ended up getting to know him and eventually got a job at the station on the office side. Of course I did, that bitch, I mean Sue, (no I don’t) wasn’t going to see him every day when I only got one night a week at a bar. (I’m not competitive so much as I’m jealous. Did I mention that my mom put me in pre-school 2 years in a row so I could learn how to share? Complete waste of money. Sorry mom.)

Fast forward to my FIRST day at the station. All is going well and I make sure that Dave knows I'm there by stopping by the studio to tell him so. He, of course, made fun of me in front of his intern (you did) so I go back to my desk and I'm all "what a jerk." Later that afternoon, the power goes out. I remember this particular detail because this is when I find out that he would NEVER, EVER be my boyfriend.

We were all gathered in the front lobby of the station because that’s where the only outside light was and Dave was there too since he couldn’t do his show. It was a Monday and everyone was talking about their weekends and someone noticed that he had a ring on his left hand ring finger. Being one of the only single guys at the station, all of us girls noticed this. Especially me since I took a freaking job at a radio station in order to make him mine (“I will hug him and squeeze him and call him George.” -Daffy Duck/Abominable Snowman reference for those of you that don't watch cartoons.) Anyway, Dave proceeds to tell all of us that he got MARRIED over the weekend. This is not only HUGE news (umm hello? I took a job at a radio station!!) but I found out that first day, half of the station thought he was gay and the other half really didn’t care (this was the older, uglier and married half.)

I soon found out that Dave is notorious for lying and making up stories (just wait until you hear the DOOZIE we have going on right now- stay tuned), so the whole “I got married over the weekend was a complete lie. (At this point, there's still hope for boyfriend/girlfriend status BUT that means I can't quit this job just yet.) Over the next several weeks at the station, we became fast friends and I actually liked my job. C'mon, I was in college and I worked at a place where I got free CD's/concert tickets and occasionally met a famous singer. (OK Richard Marx was the only "famous" person and I TOTALLY thought he was my new intern that morning - maybe he'll make a comeback.)

A couple months into this gig, another DJ at the station, Lynn, was getting married and had invited me to the wedding and reception and you bet your ass I was there!! Too bad Sue had to work that night and couldn’t go to the reception. (Pre-school? I’m still there.) At the reception I sat (drank) with Amy, another DJ at the station and some other station people. Amy was super cool and gave me the scoop on everyone at the station. After the reception, we continued the party at another bar. There was dancing, drinking and still wondering whether or not Dave was single and hetero or homo sexual. Even Amy, who was married, was curious which was disappointing to me because I was hoping she’d have the inside scoop since she worked with him.
The "after reception" activities proved fruitless (no pun intended) to answering the burning question, ‘was he or wasn’t he?’

  • After the wedding – we (I think the bride came too, but I can't be sure) head to a gay bar. (He’s gay.)

  • Dave introduces us to his "brother Mark" – who we thought was his boyfriend. (Not gay.)

  • Dave invites me and Amy back to his house. (Not gay)

  • "Brother" Mark is also invited and so is some guy named Michael (WTF?)

  • Mark drives me and Amy to Dave’s house and keeps looking at me funny when I refer to him as Dave's brother. (Dave likes to make up stories remember?)

  • I try to study for a statistics test that I forgot I have in the morning but fall asleep in Dave’s spare room. THIS, right here, is my life. I spend the night at his house – which should have been a victory – but fall asleep! (That test in the moring, also explains why I spent 7 years in college and am not a Dr.)

So, on Monday, I’m was just as confused as I was before the wedding but, Sue was so completely jealous that she missed out on all of it that it secretly makes me happy. (It's ok, hate the player, - but, I won.)

Stay tuned for part deux (yes, I LOVE THE 80’S)

D-Day: Monday

OK - so Saturday and Sunday didn't go so well Diet-wise. Hey, it was a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L weekend here in Akron (a rare thing) and I had to enjoy it with potato chips and my new boyfriend - Chip -otle. So, I went to bed last night (right after finishing the chocolate ice cream in my freezer - thanks Dave for texting me about ice cream) and once again told myself that tomorrow - Monday - "I will start my diet."

It's now 9:45 am on Monday and let's see, so far I think I've consumed enough calories for a third world country. (and I'm contemplating something chocolate right now - sad.) Tomorrow, tomorrow will be better. Why tomorrow and not just start over with lunch? Because today is a co-workers birthday and we're going to lunch - so of course, THAT's not going to be diet friendly. And um, hello?? It's her birthday - so cake or some sort of chocolate MUST be involved. Too bad we have to come back to work after lunch - because we could have birthday cake SHOTS instead!

On the bright side - I'm wearing a new pair of pants that I bought in my "usual size" this weekend and they're kind of BIG on me right now - BONUS!! These pants also came with another pair of pants (What? they were buy 1 get a 2nd for $10 - how could I NOT buy a 2nd pair?), I also got 2 or was it 3? shirts, the CUTEST damn skirt in the world (yes it was three shirts - had to get cute shirt to go with said skirt) and a pair of shoes. Shut up Dave - I'll start my budget next week - I NEEDED retail therapy this weekend.

Diet and Budget - two of the ugliest words in the dictionary.