Monday, February 9, 2009

Dark Days

Well, it's been 2 and 1/2 weeks since I was laid off from work. I wish that I could report that I've had several interviews and I'm currently negotiating 4-5 offers right now. But sadly, that is not the case. In reality, I'm barely holding on - and it's only been 2 and 1/2 weeks. Oh sure, I have some good days - I even shower. But mostly, I'm lying in bed in a deep dark depression. TV doesn't help, in fact, it makes it worse. I don't know if I'm just hearing the same story over and over again - but if I hear that "this person" has been out of work since last AUGUST, one more time.... Or that this January is the worst in loss of jobs in like 30 years, I think I may put a bullet in my head. Out of work since August? That's (hold on while I do the math) 6 months! I don't have that kind of time or severance, or savings for that matter! I'm starting to freak out a little here.

2009 has not been "fine" for me. In fact, it has pretty much sucked the life right out of me and it's only the 2nd week of the 2nd month. Man, this is a HAPPY post isn't it?? Let's re-cap for moment on the year of 2009 -
  • We innaugerated our first Black President on 1/20/09. YEAH!
  • I lost my job on 1/21/2009 - BOO HISS!
  • (And isn't this the president that's going to fight for equal pay between men and women? How about equal layoffs between men and women - since 2 women were let go in my department and the one and ONLY man penis got to keep his job.)
  • My childhood best friend's dad died on 1/30/2009 - BOO HISS!
  • I finally got to see my childhood best friend - after a year of emailing and chatting - but it wasn't quite the reunion I was hoping for.
Ok - I'll stop - because really - only the last bullet point is the worst of my "oh woe is me" sob story. Things just really aren't THAT bad - yet. I still have a lot of time left of my severance and I do have some savings that I can use. For the most part, I'm healthy - except for my teeth (which I forgot to bullet point). I had to have an emergency root canal last week and just for added fun, I think I have ANOTHER cavity on the other side of my mouth. Thank God I have my insurance for a few more months. But, really, I guess things aren't THAT bad.

Like I said - I do have my health - and now, since I don't have a J.O.B. to go to every day - I'm getting A LOT more sleep (ha ha) and I'm walking Miss Daisy Dog around the 'hood for at least an hour every day. These are both things that I WISHED I could do on a constant basis while I did have a job. Wow - be careful what you wish for eh?

I think I'm at a loss because I'm finally realizing how much I actually DID enjoy my job. Well, maybe not the whole job in and of itself, but I did like the people I worked with and actually interacting with them on a daily basis. Maybe this lay off was supposed to happen to show me that I really don't want to work from home. I have to admit, I'm not doing well all by my lonesome. For as much as I thought I didn't like people (funny, since I worked in HR) I sure do miss my peeps and the chit-chat that goes with those peeps.

We all know I love (maybe just a little to much) my dog - but quite honestly, Miss Daisy Dog is working my last nerve. All she does is BARK all damn day!!! Has she NOT figured out that the mailman comes to the house EVERY EFFING DAY around 11am?? And, how many times does she have to run up and down the stairs to bark out the front window and then from the window in my bedroom. And how is it, that for the past 2 EFFING years - she was able to go 8+ hours a day without having to go outside and now? Now that I'm home? She has to go every EFFING 15 minutes? Also - she's all good and sleeping when I'm NOT on the phone or on the internet, but as soon as my cell goes off or I'm trying to fill out an online application - there she is - either barking at a GOD BLESSED leaf falling from a tree or at my feet whining because now (when I'm trying to upload my resume), she needs to go "out."

Like I said - I'm not doing well with my time off out from work. For those of you that still read my blog - I do read yours (when Daisy's not bugging me or barking non stop) - and it's what's keeping me sane. So thank you for your stories - funny or not. I haven't posted to many of your blogs, because, well as you can see, I'm just not in a good place right now. I hope this Dark Mood lifts soon, because I just don't think I can take it much longer. And, if by some miracle, I do finally land an interview or two - I need to be in a more positive place so I can actually LAND that job and get myself back to work. (I mean, seriously, I need some good stuff to bitch about and work generally brings that out in me!!)

Ok - that's all I have for now. I do have a couple of "funny" stories to share and I will... I just had to get this "ick" out of me - maybe it will help.