Saturday, March 20, 2010

Red Box Renters? or Rude Box Renters.... you tell me....

So tonight - I was in what is frighteningly becoming my usual PISSED OFF and altogether not-happy mood.  I decided, that my sad self would just stay in (even though it IS a Friday night) with a few movies.  Because of said mood, I opted to avoid the generally crowded movie store and decided to think er, rent, out of the box.  RED-BOX that is.  
Now, when these RED-BOXES started appearing in my area some time ago (or when I finally realized what the hell that big red box WAS outside of my grocery store) I thought that they were the coolest things. EVAH.  I mean, these things were GENIOUS!  Because now?   I don't have advertise that I'm alone while I browse the movie selection at my local Blockbuster on a Friday or Saturday night (or any other night of the week, thank you very much.)  And? At a buck a movie?  I can rent several movies, and if they're lame?  So what?  It's only a buck.
That was then, this is now.  And now?  We can successfully put yet one more thing in the "Things that PISS OFF Shopgirl on a regular basis" column tonight.  Why do you ask?  At this point, MOST of my friends probably wouldn't EVEN ask the WHY part, seeing as so.many.things.seem to rattle my cage these days. 
It all comes down to etiquette.  Yes, I think that there needs to be some sort of RED-BOX ETIQUETTE created since we have become a nation (world even) of rude and obnoxious and basically 'I only care about me' people/renters.  Seriously? One Nation Under God?  More like: My Nation... now go fuck yourself.
Anyhoodle..  after almost losing my mind tonight waiting for the incompetent CRACKHEADS that are, at this very moment,  probably either A: creating a meth-lab in my very neighborhood that will likely explode and ultimately leave me and those within a 3 block radius homeless, or B: creating their legacy that will ultimately bring the world to an end.  I came up with these quick and simple rules for renting out of RED-BOX: 
1.  If you don't even know how to turn on your computer at home, use an ATM machine or even know how to swipe your credit card at the grocery store without some sort of assistance?  RED-BOX
2.  Please have some sort of an idea of the movie you want to rent BEFORE you get to the box. I beg of you, if you want to read about each.and.every movie - Go online to  where you can search, read and review all the movie titles in the comfort of your home without holding Shopgirl anyone up in line.  RESERVATIONS can even be made on-line so that you can - like the RED-BOX website states:  FIND YOUR MOVIE, SWIPE YOUR CARD, GRAB IT and GO. 
Go GOD! just GO!  Now, if there is no line - then, by all means, take all the time in your little world.  I don't care - because I'm not there.... WAITING.
3.  If you choose to ignore step two?  Don't be upset or give me the one-eye, when I start to sigh, jingle my car keys, cough, tap dance, jump up and down, make strange faces, twitch, have a full-on anxiety attack (I think you get the picture) after we've reached the 15 minute mark.  You're just selecting a movie, not your soul mate - you can return this movie if it sucks and it will only cost you a buck.  Move along please. (Sarcasm AND poetry - yes, I have many talents)
4.  Observe that there may be a person or 20 waiting to use the box.  Please, even though YOU may have nothing else to do, Shopgirl we might.  Review steps 1-3 again. Your transaction, much like one at an ATM, shouldn't take more than 5-10 minutes.  (Don't even get me started on those idiots that choose to balance their checkbooks at the ATM.)

5.  Now, number 5 may be take a lot of people out of their comfort zone - but check this out: of those 1-20 people waiting in line?  Some of them, may actually only want to RETURN a movie - which (if competent) should only take like a minute, AND they may actually be returning a movie that YOU want.  It would be in your best interest to let these folks go ahead of you.  But, in the non-verbal, text-only, chat-room world that we now reside, you may actually have to SPEAK to these people.  It's an outdated/old-fashioned concept, I know - actually "talking" to someone but I promise, it's like riding a bicycle, the process will come back you.
Got any other suggestions?  Leave 'em in my comments section - let's pass it along to Redbox and see if they post it on their machines!!
Now excuse me, while I go make some popcorn....

Monday, March 15, 2010

Just a few things I learned today.

1st thing I learned today: When heading "out" with laptop (Borrowed from the infamous Katie Couric of Akron - seriously? U.Rock.the.CASBAH!)  so you can write your blog in a place where you are SURE you will find inspiration? First, find out if the Wi-Fi is FREE (since you're still UNEMPLOYED) Yeah, Starbucks and your $5 Frappa-FUCKING-chino? (that yes, I KNOW I don't need, much less should be splurging on, but if I'm going to use their Wi-fi, I thought, maybe I should buy something from their store? Well, for a 2 hour "pass" to use their Wi-fi is $3.99 plus tax or whatever, I didn't even bother to read all the "other crap" I just took my now purchased Frappachino and left. Starbucks - you suck and I won't be back....)

Next off to Panera, where the Wi-fi is free -but yet, I simply CANNOT go in there with my SB cup - right? Well, I could, but really?  Do I want to be that girl?  No.I.Do.Not. So, now I'm hopped up on a few quick sips of my Frappachino and I must now buy a Shortbread cookie -because, well have you HAD a Panera Shortbread cookie?  You must - one word - YUM!  (and the cheapest thing on the menu.)  So now my "free" wi-fi experience has cost me a Frappachino AND a cookie (well, and if I'm being honest here) a cup (not a bowl) of soup.

2nd. thing I learned today: DON'T try to find your "writing inspiration place" somewhere where they sell food - you fattie!!!  YOU. WILL. WANT. TO. EAT.... AND EAT..... AND EAT SOME MORE.  (Even though you had lunch with mom and dad four hours ago (well, four hours IS a long time -BUT, the cookie/frappa debacle should have sufficed until you got home.

3rd thing I learned today:  I HAVE ADHD.  I cannot concentrate on my own thing without listening to  GAWD - those people that hear "voices"  - I feel for you.

4th thing I learned today:  Bring headphones next time.  Everyone else with a laptop here?  also wearing earphones - I OBVIOUSLY didn't get the memo and am so.behind. the.times. when it comes to Wi-fiing out in the open public.

5th thing I learned today:  Be a little less OBVIOUS when eavesdropping on public in
I soooooo got busted listening to and staring at random girl telling boyfriend she couldn't believe she got a DUI last week.(just to be clear, I was listening to stupid girl and staring at her HAWT boyfriend - not good anyway you look at it, I know, but I just wanted to clarify.)

6th thing I learned today:  People will talk about ANYTHING in public place.  Seriously? Reality TV so does not compare to what you can overhear in a Panera.... I am now considering canceling my cable service (since I'm still unemployed) and hanging out here for my entertainment.

7th and last thing I learned (well at least while at Panera) today:  I really, really need to get my camera back out - there are some pretty cool pictures here and they are of BAGELS.  Seriously?  Panera Bread PAID for this "artwork."  The unemployed Shopgirl with her $500 very nice DSLR camera at home?  Could take better pictures.

Ok - I'm outta here - it's finally warm(er) in Ohio and I'm going to take poochers for walk!

Ciao Babies!!