Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Look! I did have a blog post!!

Problem is... I wrote it back in November (sssshhhh - while I was at work) and emailed it to my home account so I could post it on "my time"  - I know.. but I wrote it while I was on my "Lunch" - really.. I did..  Anyhoodle... Here it is...  Obviously I was irritated (IMAGINE THAT) with Pet Supplies Plus... 

Pet Supplies “Plus” – just what does the PLUS mean?

I’ll tell you what it means. It means that if you want to go to their store and just merely “exchange” an item for the EXACT SAME THING? Well, they’ll allow it, PLUS they have PAPERWORK PLUS for you to fill out.

Seriously, I’m not lying when I say paperwork PLUS. Last night I went to my Pet Supplies Plus store two times – yes, I said two. I had also gone the night before. Reason? My wonderful, lovely, just downright adorable – yet WORST.DOGS.EVER, had caused some major destruction at my house recently (more on that in a minute) so I was there the night before to purchase a “gentle” or “soft” muzzle for them. Don’t get me started on crating them – tried that – in fact, thought I was done so I sold my crates this summer at a garage sale. As Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman: Big mistake, Big, HUGE! Well, I’m off to go shopping (for another form of dog containment).

A-hem, so I’m back to PSP last night on my way home from work to return the too big muzzles I bought the night before for the next size smaller, and I see an EVEN BETTER muzzle for only a few bucks more. So, I grab two new muzzles and head to the register. This will be simple, I’ll just exchange the old for the new and improved and be on my merry way, right? WRONG. Oh.so.very.wrong.

I get to the register and explain to the cashier what I want to do and she just gives me this look. You know the one, well, there are so many nowadays – the “what the fuck do you want me to do about it because can’t you see that I’m talking to my co-worker about the placement of my next tattoo or piercing that will most certainly ensure that I always work in a place where I’m required to wear either a name tag or hair net (or both)?” kind of look. Or the, well, I think you get my drift about the retail worlds idea of or lack their of “customer service.”

So as I tell her that I want to exchange the one for the other – she just up and turns away from the register with both my new and old merchandise and disappears into the makeshift office and then a couple of minutes later returns with an even more pleasant “manager” to “assist” me with my return. The manager starts off by demanding for my receipt – no “hi, how are you?” no, “was something wrong with your purchase/item?” Nope. Just an abrupt: “I need your receipt.” I hand her my receipt and she, (without even looking at me) asks “do you just want me to put this back on your card?” Um? No. Seriously, what was going on in the office for the 10 minutes that I was left alone at the register without MY merchandise and the NEW merchandise that I thought I explained to Miss Manners Cashier that I wanted to just do an exchange? I realize that it was not an EVEN exchange – but is WAS an exchange of merchandise – NOT a return.

So, I start over and explain to the ever-so-pleasant manager that, yada yada yada, I bought these muzzles yesterday – but now wanted these new and different muzzles today. She again responded; “do you want me to return them to your card?” Um, HELLO?? Are you actually here.in.the.store.with me? NO, I want to EXHANGE – E-X-C-H-A-N-G-E them for new merchandise. She, just as frustrated as I’ve become, says that she has to return the merchandise and THEN I can buy the different ones.

In my pretty little world, this transaction – is considered an exchange – but hey, I’m old school and when I worked in retail we actually talked to and smiled at the customer.  Our cell phones weren't going off throughout the entire transaction and maybe on some days we really didn't care - but mostly we did care about our customers.   Then I realize that I, like Dorothy, am not in Kansas anymore. So, defeated, I say “yes, I’d like to return them and then purchase these new muzzles.”

Now, here is where the PLUS comes in Pet Supplies Plus. There is a ridiculous amount of paperwork involved in what one would seem to think is just an easy exchange. And picture if you will, that while I’m at PSP – I’m there with my dogs (to make sure I buy the correct one that fits so I don’t have to come back and do this all over again) who are the WORST.DOGS.EVER. And if you check out the pictures below, you’ll understand why I want to muzzle them – if not duct tape their mouths shut.

Now, I have been in the store already for 15 minutes prior with said BAD DOGS trying to fit a correct muzzle on them – and I’m sure you can IMAGINE how that has gone over.

I am now sweating and so UNBELIEVABLY stressed out and anxious that I don’t even think a Zanax or fifth of vodka would do anything to calm my nerves, and this is when the manager pulls out the PLUS SIZED PAD OF PAPERWORK that must be filled out in triplicate (I’m not lying – triplicate) before I can exchange, er return and re-buy their product.

So, as I stand there at the register with these two crazy dogs, sweat dripping down my back and off my forehead, I’m forced to fill out this paperwork while trying to control my  asshole precious babies and keep them away from the other dogs. This, right here? Is why I NEVER TAKE THEM ANYWHERE – and probably why they act like ASSHOLES whenever another dog is around.

We finally complete all the paperwork – the manager puts the original purchases’ return onto a GIFT CARD and hands it to me – then rings up my new purchase and I hand back over the Gift Card to pay for said merchandise. (Really PSP – you think this is more efficient than a simple exchange?)

I start to collect my things and untangle myself out of the leashes - because Daisy and Sassy have pretty much made it their mission to make me fall – you make us wear muzzles? Fine, you’re going to wear a cast. (Really, I know they are thinking this - LOOK at the pictures again... THAT DOOR?  Was put there by ME.  One word: RETALIATION. 

Ok, back to the story...  The manager then looks at me and asks if I want my gift card back. Um? Didn’t I just use it? So I tell her no and she again, gives me that WTF? look and takes the Gift Card – which she hasn’t removed from the cardboard backing –and hangs it back onto the display for I guess the next person who has to do an exchange/return.

I looked at this "manager" and told her that I realized that SHE didn’t come up with this process, but I think that whom ever did? Should have to come to the store with MY crazy dogs in tow, and have people standing in line behind me with their dogs and screaming kids and then have to go through all this paperwork just to exchange – not receive any money back – an item.

Guess what kind of reaction I got to that....

Maybe I should have taken THESE PHOTOS with me to show her WHY I needed said muzzles...  You be the judge:

I wish I had a "before" picture of this nice door -
installed to contain the destructive duo in the basement -
but sadly I don't...

You THINK you can keep me downstairs
when there is a QUEEN SIZED
upstairs for me to sleep on all day?

No mom, I'll stay downstairs - 
your shoes, purses, pillows,
and trash can?  
They'll be left untouched. 
I promise!

Day Two: They weren't finished with their 'work.'
Do you understand WHY a muzzle was sooo important to me?

Just to give you a better perspective.  Also? 
Not sure if you can see it in this pic,
but I actually paid an additional $15 for a piece of
plexiglass to be put on the door so they
wouldn't scratch it and I could keep it
I know.......

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Testing... Check! Check! Testing... Is this thing still on??

Yes and no.

My blog of course is still up and functional...  but Shopgirl, while she's still "here" and does come here often to hopefully get her write on?  Just.can't. seem to put words to a post.   Oh... don't get me wrong... I've got words... Many!  Opinions?  Holy Opinionation Batman!! 

But when I get here?  Like right now?


Oh sure, I have topics - I've even written THOSE down - so when I get this mental blank?  Voila!  Just pick a topic and go!  Write my thoughts or my story.  Sounds so simple doesn't it?  Yeah... Not.so.much.

But... even this simple exercise has sorta got my creative juices somewhat flowing..

If any of my few followers are still coming here.  There have been a FEW changes in Shopgirls world - (in fact - all topics that I want to write about!)  But just to give you a taste and a reason to make me come back I'll let you in on a few:

Shopgirl has MOVED - LITERALLY!  - to a sunny area of the US - for the season anyway...  no more white winters for this challenged blogger!

I got a new car!  It's so incredible fun... Even HAMSTERS love this car.. and I got a FUN color too!

I'm living with my sister and two nephews - this?  Has been quite the challenge, learning experience and just plain ol' life change that I think I was looking for?   I haven't lived with anyone since college (and it didn't go well back then) so this is definitely new territory for shopgirl and one would THINK warrant a blog or two or twenty. I've taken notes - so when I to get my "write" on, I'll be sure to share all the crazy with you..

Lots more but I don't want to promise too much and then not deliver - leave me a message - maybe THAT will do it... I do hate to disappoint others..

Chow for now!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Cleaning out your closet CAN be a good thing!

So.. I finished cleaning and sorting through my closet tonight - tossed out a bunch of clothes - grabbed a pair of jeans that I  just haven't wanted to give away even though they haven't fit in YEARS - yes I said YEARS.  Reason(s) for keeping them? 
1. I believe I paid over $100 for them.  (Yes, I realize NOW that $100 for BLUE JEANS is quite ri-god-damn-diculous, but when I bought them I had a really good job/salary.   Hindsight 20/20?  Maybe spending over $100 on a pair of jeans is the reason I'm flat broke?
Reason number 2 and probably the MOST important reason?  My ass looked FABULASS in them!  They did - I'm not going to lie - and that is why I could not part with them.  I clung to the TINIEST of hopes that I would one day - have the courage and will power to put the pasta fork down and skip the cheesecake desserts and put my SKINNY ASS back into those fabulous jeans.   Well, tonight as I cleaned out my closet getting rid of one item that will never fit on my body again after another...I decided it was time to give up the dream.  I mean, it's been years - time for them to go.  Or was it?

I was just about to toss them in the "goodbye/goodwill" bin and I decided what the hell?  I'll try them on just before I say goodbye.

Well, they fit!  and they're actually a little big!  Turns out.. my Vodka/Gin/Starbucks diet?  it's working!  All these years... I've been yo-yo dieting and all it took was a little binge drinking and Voila!  I've got my favorite jeans back!!

Shopgirl is one happy girl tonight!

Just say no...

That was my mantra tonight as I walked the aisles of Walmart, Target and even Big Lots - the Christmas Clearance Aisles that is...  Like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, I chanted "There's no place for this shit at home!"  That's what she said right?  Sure. 

Anyway, if I was in the land of OZ, I wouldn't need a Clearance sale to get me all jazzed up.  Heck, I'd be wearing me a pair of  bright and sparkly RUBY RED shoes in the land of GREEN OZ - I'd be all set!

Ahem, back to my real (and not so sparkly) life.  I did managed to walk those Big Box Retail aisles and pick up only what I came in for - Dog food and dog chewies. (rawhides). Out of nearly all dog food at home but completely out of chewies and this?  does.not.bode.well in shopgirls house - just ask the dogs.  I swear - the way my poochers go through rawhides - you'd think they were laced with Cocaine, meth, or X - or maybe all three? 

As I sit here now, typing this blog - they are in Canine Heaven with their chewies.  THAT right there?  is PRICELESS - they are leaving ME alone for five friggin' minutes!!

I tried to give the retail economy a boost tonight, I looked for doggie toys in hopes that they too, would be marked down.  At Halloween time they were marked 75% off and this shopgirl went Dog Toy CRAZY!!  I can't believe they had THAT many Halloween toys and absolutely NO Christmas toys..
But alas, the original prices of "Christmas" toys was already 3x too high and thus, not marked down enough for this still unemployed shopgirl (recession's over my ass).  So I guess the dogs will have to wait until I find another sale..

Even though I did get out of Walmart for under $50, it was HARD...  I swear - I think it's easier for me to say no to a Gin and Tonic than it is to say no to a clearance sale...  

Monday, November 29, 2010

Just in case you're counting

Because I am:
  • Bruce Springsteen - Santa Claus is coming to Town - heard at LEAST 5x today.
  • The Carpenters - Not sure of the title - but I've heard Karen Carpenter more than I wanted to today.
  • Frank Sinatra and Cyndi Lauper - thought it was a cute song like 10 years ago - today?  I LOATHE 'ol blue eyes and the girl who just wants to have fun.
  • Frosty the Snowman - you know, the one from the cartoon?  Where he wakes up and says "Happy Birthday?"  Yeah, it's just as annoying on the radio as it is in the cartoon...
  • Most Wonderful Time of the Year - REALLY???  yeah.not.so.much....
  •  Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - ala Macaulay Culkin?  - again, was cute song when HE was cute...
15 more minutes to go... I think I can make it.
I'm bringing my iPod to work tomorrow.... 

Which Ironically, has ALL of these song and THEN some - because yours truly used to LOVE, LOVE, LURVE Christmas music..  But then again - I actually played it in December - closer to the ACTUAL holiday and in small doses at a time...

And so it begins....

The countdown to Craziness  Christmas is upon us and it’s not even December first. When I was laid of from my job almost two years ago, I swore I’d never work for another retail company again. Well, like my mom always said; “it’s not lady-like to swear” and DAMN IT if I didn’t end up in another Retail Corporation to help them with their Seasonal Hiring. It’s not even December and yet they have blasted CHRISTMAS MUZAK all DAMN DAY!

Uggh… by 10am I had already heard Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer five times!! And the Grinch Song? Oh.My.God.I.Want.To.Kill.Myself!!

I’m actually looking forward to being laid off ONCE AGAIN if not only because I may go crazy listening to all this Merriment. Yes, I’m going to be laid off from yet ANOTHER RETAIL COMPANY in less than two years. How do they say it in text and on Facebook? FML? Yes, FUCK MY LIFE… Sorry mom…

Well, I sorta knew I was going to be laid off when I originally took this job. It was discussed with me in the interview that they needed my recruiting services for the season and then they’d see if an open position was available after that. Well, there isn’t. And, I’m sorta ok with that, but I’m not sure if my mortgage company will be as happy. I am still working at the bar – part-time – and now hope they will give me more hours as I’m going to need them.

Oh, and to add to my “holiday merriment” my car decided to “quit me” last week. Something called a head gasket blew – and that, I’m told, is a BAD THING. I did make it to work that day – but had to pay $100 to have it towed to a shop for them to tell me that it’s pretty much not worth fixing. Money well spent indeed. And of course, the only thing I thought of – besides not having a car to drive me to work – was “now I can’t go shopping on Black Friday.” Yes, I know, my priorities are so.in.order. – Shut up, I really wanted that $100 19” flat screen for my bedroom for you know, when I’m laid off in a week and don’t want to get out of bed, at least I’ll have a nice TV upon which to watch all those Lifetime Movies.

My mechanic-brother seems to think we can get my car up and running for a short period of time and close proximity to home so that I can shop for a new(er) car. I’m just glad it happened here and not on my way to Florida. Oh, didn’t I mention THAT? I was actually thinking about heading south for the winter – being jobless and all, I figured I’d try to find a gig down there sans snow and bitter cold weather. Hmmm.. jobless and no money – stay up north and deal with snow and battle depression with nothing but GRAY Skies? Or, head south put my feet in the ocean and soak up the sun and blue skies and serve drinks to all the snow birds who have MONEY to go south every year? Hmmmmm…tough choice, but, this whole car fiasco has thrown a monkey wrench in my southward plans. My sister lives in Naples, Fl so the living expenses would be minimal – but now it’s a matter of getting there. I really want to take my dogs with me too – but if I don’t find a car before I want to leave, I may just fly down there and try to buy one down there. She says there are better deals – older folks who come down for the winter then get rid of their well maintained cars because they no longer need them or can’t drive anymore. But, if I wait to buy a car down there, then I can’t take my dogs with me right away, which, might not be a bad thing – but I would miss them terribly and I need to find someone to take care of them – like they’re accustomed to being taken care of. Yes, they are the two most spoiled dogs and I.like.it.that.way. (mostly).

So… there it is for Shopgirl, this Cyber Monday. I’m going Christmas Crazy with all the holiday muzak and I’m in need of a new car and LIFE.

Dear Santa,
Are you listening?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Since I have more fans on Facebook than here.... I'll post here.

I can't believe my mouth some days - or in this case, my fingers, via texting.  When did I become so mean and cruel to someone I care so much about?  God, WTF is wrong with me and why do I act like that?  Why do I allow myself to get so upset and then blow like a nasty foul-mouthed volcano?  WHOOOSH!!! Hatred - pure hatred and I took the time to actually write (well, text) it all out and then PRESSED SEND!  I can't undo it and I think this time may have been the last time, because there have been many, many times before and I have been forgiven (not forgotten, but forgiven - made fun of, but eventually forgiven)  I don't know if that will happen this time - and I'm not only sad about it, but I'm confused and hurt and PISSED. At myself.  

How can a 10+year friendship come to this?  Why can't I just let my best friend live THIER life and I live MINE?  Why do I have to "know" everything.  You know that old saying: "curiosity killed the cat?" - well, last night I think that this Cunt old cat killed the one relationship that she thought would be in her life forever.  All because I can't control my emotions and temper.  I'm a mean girl.  When did this happen?  Or have I been this way my entire life but able to control it better when my life was somewhat "normal?" 

I've been using the excuse of losing my job as my reason for becoming bitter and therefore able to lash out at those that I love most.  Well sister, it's been almost TWO FUCKING years now, get the fuck over it already...  I wish I could - I just don't know how.  I'm losing it - literally and figuratively.  My finances are a mess - mainly because I don't want to deal with them - I think I have the money there - but then again it's easier for me to play the victim role.  WHO THE FUCK HAVE I BECOME??

I practically have no friends - no close friends anyway - I really never did before - I always just had a small "close" circle of friends but over the years, those few, yet valuable, friendships have whittled down to TWO EXTREMELY close relationships - mainly because of life changes, kids, schedules, etc.
I love these two friends so much and they mean so.much. to me, and last night I really didn't play fair and said some pretty awful things to one of them.  I cannot even THINK about my life without you in it - I think you may know me better than I know myself  - maybe that's why you've forgiven so many times.

I've not only alienated my friends but I feel like I've lost my desire for almost everything in my life.  I've lost my desire to blog, obviously since my last blog was back in May and now I'm here - confessing my soul because I know no one comes here anymore.   I used to love to blog and couldn't wait to write down the funny things that happened in my life as shopgirl.  I used to like to take pictures/photographs and walk my dogs and a lot of other things.  Now?  I love nothing. 

At least I got it out - this blog - because today, all I've wanted to do was make a call - but I know it won't be answered and right now, I don't think I can take that. 

Dear friend: If you still come here - I won't say the "s" word -but I regret how things went down.  I don't know why I went there last night - I don't know why I need to know your business.  I could blame a whole host of things from my parents to my upbringing to my past and now my present.  But it doesn't do any good and it can't take away what happened.  I'm NOT sorry about some of the things I said - but I "regret" the tone and the place/way they were said. 

I'm sad and mad that you're moving (on? perhaps) without me.  They say misery loves company, I guess I just don't want to be alone.  But that is not YOUR problem - I know this.

I need to move on and find a new obsession hobby. 

I won't say "I'm 'S' - all I can say is that I'll try.