Thursday, December 30, 2010

Cleaning out your closet CAN be a good thing!

So.. I finished cleaning and sorting through my closet tonight - tossed out a bunch of clothes - grabbed a pair of jeans that I  just haven't wanted to give away even though they haven't fit in YEARS - yes I said YEARS.  Reason(s) for keeping them? 
1. I believe I paid over $100 for them.  (Yes, I realize NOW that $100 for BLUE JEANS is quite ri-god-damn-diculous, but when I bought them I had a really good job/salary.   Hindsight 20/20?  Maybe spending over $100 on a pair of jeans is the reason I'm flat broke?
Reason number 2 and probably the MOST important reason?  My ass looked FABULASS in them!  They did - I'm not going to lie - and that is why I could not part with them.  I clung to the TINIEST of hopes that I would one day - have the courage and will power to put the pasta fork down and skip the cheesecake desserts and put my SKINNY ASS back into those fabulous jeans.   Well, tonight as I cleaned out my closet getting rid of one item that will never fit on my body again after another...I decided it was time to give up the dream.  I mean, it's been years - time for them to go.  Or was it?

I was just about to toss them in the "goodbye/goodwill" bin and I decided what the hell?  I'll try them on just before I say goodbye.

Well, they fit!  and they're actually a little big!  Turns out.. my Vodka/Gin/Starbucks diet?  it's working!  All these years... I've been yo-yo dieting and all it took was a little binge drinking and Voila!  I've got my favorite jeans back!!

Shopgirl is one happy girl tonight!

Just say no...

That was my mantra tonight as I walked the aisles of Walmart, Target and even Big Lots - the Christmas Clearance Aisles that is...  Like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, I chanted "There's no place for this shit at home!"  That's what she said right?  Sure. 

Anyway, if I was in the land of OZ, I wouldn't need a Clearance sale to get me all jazzed up.  Heck, I'd be wearing me a pair of  bright and sparkly RUBY RED shoes in the land of GREEN OZ - I'd be all set!

Ahem, back to my real (and not so sparkly) life.  I did managed to walk those Big Box Retail aisles and pick up only what I came in for - Dog food and dog chewies. (rawhides). Out of nearly all dog food at home but completely out of chewies and this?  does.not.bode.well in shopgirls house - just ask the dogs.  I swear - the way my poochers go through rawhides - you'd think they were laced with Cocaine, meth, or X - or maybe all three? 

As I sit here now, typing this blog - they are in Canine Heaven with their chewies.  THAT right there?  is PRICELESS - they are leaving ME alone for five friggin' minutes!!

I tried to give the retail economy a boost tonight, I looked for doggie toys in hopes that they too, would be marked down.  At Halloween time they were marked 75% off and this shopgirl went Dog Toy CRAZY!!  I can't believe they had THAT many Halloween toys and absolutely NO Christmas toys..
But alas, the original prices of "Christmas" toys was already 3x too high and thus, not marked down enough for this still unemployed shopgirl (recession's over my ass).  So I guess the dogs will have to wait until I find another sale..

Even though I did get out of Walmart for under $50, it was HARD...  I swear - I think it's easier for me to say no to a Gin and Tonic than it is to say no to a clearance sale...  

Monday, November 29, 2010

Just in case you're counting

Because I am:
  • Bruce Springsteen - Santa Claus is coming to Town - heard at LEAST 5x today.
  • The Carpenters - Not sure of the title - but I've heard Karen Carpenter more than I wanted to today.
  • Frank Sinatra and Cyndi Lauper - thought it was a cute song like 10 years ago - today?  I LOATHE 'ol blue eyes and the girl who just wants to have fun.
  • Frosty the Snowman - you know, the one from the cartoon?  Where he wakes up and says "Happy Birthday?"  Yeah, it's just as annoying on the radio as it is in the cartoon...
  • Most Wonderful Time of the Year - REALLY???
  •  Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - ala Macaulay Culkin?  - again, was cute song when HE was cute...
15 more minutes to go... I think I can make it.
I'm bringing my iPod to work tomorrow.... 

Which Ironically, has ALL of these song and THEN some - because yours truly used to LOVE, LOVE, LURVE Christmas music..  But then again - I actually played it in December - closer to the ACTUAL holiday and in small doses at a time...

And so it begins....

The countdown to Craziness  Christmas is upon us and it’s not even December first. When I was laid of from my job almost two years ago, I swore I’d never work for another retail company again. Well, like my mom always said; “it’s not lady-like to swear” and DAMN IT if I didn’t end up in another Retail Corporation to help them with their Seasonal Hiring. It’s not even December and yet they have blasted CHRISTMAS MUZAK all DAMN DAY!

Uggh… by 10am I had already heard Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer five times!! And the Grinch Song? Oh.My.God.I.Want.To.Kill.Myself!!

I’m actually looking forward to being laid off ONCE AGAIN if not only because I may go crazy listening to all this Merriment. Yes, I’m going to be laid off from yet ANOTHER RETAIL COMPANY in less than two years. How do they say it in text and on Facebook? FML? Yes, FUCK MY LIFE… Sorry mom…

Well, I sorta knew I was going to be laid off when I originally took this job. It was discussed with me in the interview that they needed my recruiting services for the season and then they’d see if an open position was available after that. Well, there isn’t. And, I’m sorta ok with that, but I’m not sure if my mortgage company will be as happy. I am still working at the bar – part-time – and now hope they will give me more hours as I’m going to need them.

Oh, and to add to my “holiday merriment” my car decided to “quit me” last week. Something called a head gasket blew – and that, I’m told, is a BAD THING. I did make it to work that day – but had to pay $100 to have it towed to a shop for them to tell me that it’s pretty much not worth fixing. Money well spent indeed. And of course, the only thing I thought of – besides not having a car to drive me to work – was “now I can’t go shopping on Black Friday.” Yes, I know, my priorities are – Shut up, I really wanted that $100 19” flat screen for my bedroom for you know, when I’m laid off in a week and don’t want to get out of bed, at least I’ll have a nice TV upon which to watch all those Lifetime Movies.

My mechanic-brother seems to think we can get my car up and running for a short period of time and close proximity to home so that I can shop for a new(er) car. I’m just glad it happened here and not on my way to Florida. Oh, didn’t I mention THAT? I was actually thinking about heading south for the winter – being jobless and all, I figured I’d try to find a gig down there sans snow and bitter cold weather. Hmmm.. jobless and no money – stay up north and deal with snow and battle depression with nothing but GRAY Skies? Or, head south put my feet in the ocean and soak up the sun and blue skies and serve drinks to all the snow birds who have MONEY to go south every year? Hmmmmm…tough choice, but, this whole car fiasco has thrown a monkey wrench in my southward plans. My sister lives in Naples, Fl so the living expenses would be minimal – but now it’s a matter of getting there. I really want to take my dogs with me too – but if I don’t find a car before I want to leave, I may just fly down there and try to buy one down there. She says there are better deals – older folks who come down for the winter then get rid of their well maintained cars because they no longer need them or can’t drive anymore. But, if I wait to buy a car down there, then I can’t take my dogs with me right away, which, might not be a bad thing – but I would miss them terribly and I need to find someone to take care of them – like they’re accustomed to being taken care of. Yes, they are the two most spoiled dogs and (mostly).

So… there it is for Shopgirl, this Cyber Monday. I’m going Christmas Crazy with all the holiday muzak and I’m in need of a new car and LIFE.

Dear Santa,
Are you listening?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Since I have more fans on Facebook than here.... I'll post here.

I can't believe my mouth some days - or in this case, my fingers, via texting.  When did I become so mean and cruel to someone I care so much about?  God, WTF is wrong with me and why do I act like that?  Why do I allow myself to get so upset and then blow like a nasty foul-mouthed volcano?  WHOOOSH!!! Hatred - pure hatred and I took the time to actually write (well, text) it all out and then PRESSED SEND!  I can't undo it and I think this time may have been the last time, because there have been many, many times before and I have been forgiven (not forgotten, but forgiven - made fun of, but eventually forgiven)  I don't know if that will happen this time - and I'm not only sad about it, but I'm confused and hurt and PISSED. At myself.  

How can a 10+year friendship come to this?  Why can't I just let my best friend live THIER life and I live MINE?  Why do I have to "know" everything.  You know that old saying: "curiosity killed the cat?" - well, last night I think that this Cunt old cat killed the one relationship that she thought would be in her life forever.  All because I can't control my emotions and temper.  I'm a mean girl.  When did this happen?  Or have I been this way my entire life but able to control it better when my life was somewhat "normal?" 

I've been using the excuse of losing my job as my reason for becoming bitter and therefore able to lash out at those that I love most.  Well sister, it's been almost TWO FUCKING years now, get the fuck over it already...  I wish I could - I just don't know how.  I'm losing it - literally and figuratively.  My finances are a mess - mainly because I don't want to deal with them - I think I have the money there - but then again it's easier for me to play the victim role.  WHO THE FUCK HAVE I BECOME??

I practically have no friends - no close friends anyway - I really never did before - I always just had a small "close" circle of friends but over the years, those few, yet valuable, friendships have whittled down to TWO EXTREMELY close relationships - mainly because of life changes, kids, schedules, etc.
I love these two friends so much and they mean so.much. to me, and last night I really didn't play fair and said some pretty awful things to one of them.  I cannot even THINK about my life without you in it - I think you may know me better than I know myself  - maybe that's why you've forgiven so many times.

I've not only alienated my friends but I feel like I've lost my desire for almost everything in my life.  I've lost my desire to blog, obviously since my last blog was back in May and now I'm here - confessing my soul because I know no one comes here anymore.   I used to love to blog and couldn't wait to write down the funny things that happened in my life as shopgirl.  I used to like to take pictures/photographs and walk my dogs and a lot of other things.  Now?  I love nothing. 

At least I got it out - this blog - because today, all I've wanted to do was make a call - but I know it won't be answered and right now, I don't think I can take that. 

Dear friend: If you still come here - I won't say the "s" word -but I regret how things went down.  I don't know why I went there last night - I don't know why I need to know your business.  I could blame a whole host of things from my parents to my upbringing to my past and now my present.  But it doesn't do any good and it can't take away what happened.  I'm NOT sorry about some of the things I said - but I "regret" the tone and the place/way they were said. 

I'm sad and mad that you're moving (on? perhaps) without me.  They say misery loves company, I guess I just don't want to be alone.  But that is not YOUR problem - I know this.

I need to move on and find a new obsession hobby. 

I won't say "I'm 'S' - all I can say is that I'll try.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Typical conversation between Dave and I

Dave: So I got a video out from the library on the wives of our US Presidents and the first one I watched was Dolly Madison. 

Me: You mean the cupcake?

Dave: Um, the fourth President of the United States - James Madison - his wife?

Me: Oh. Did they name the cupcake after her?  I could totally go for a cupcake right now...

Seriously... I don't know how I even passed High School, much less, got into college.....

But doesn't a cupcake sound good right now???

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Me and Dave is like Peas and Carrots....

Last week I went on vacation to visit my sister for her 50th birthday. As mentioned in my previous post, she is my much OLDER sister, double digit older to be exact. Ha!  Just teasing with you sis!  well, the older part IS true but LUFF U!

Anyhoodle, my flight left on Monday morning at 10:30am, which wouldn’t have been a big deal if I didn’t have to work the previous night at the bar until 2:30 am. At some point Sunday night/Monday early morning I sent a text to Dave, who was dropping me off at the airport in the morning, to pick me up one of those 5-Hour Energy drinks because I was pretty sure I was going to need it.

Monday morning comes and I drag my tired butt outta bed and pack the last of my things and Dave is waiting in my drive at 9:00 am with Energy Drink in hand. We’re not even out of my driveway and I’ve downed the shot to make sure I get my energy on. A little back story here, I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON IN ANY WAY.SHAPE.OR.FORM. Dave? Lately? Is. He also goes to bed before most toddlers even go to bed and I have always been a night owl. Example: It’s 1:45AM as I’m writing this.

Back to my point (I have one I promise). I figured Monday morning he’d be all “are you excited about your vacay?” or “I can’t wait to properly train those things you call your dogs” getting me all worked up because I’d be tired and cranky, but it was the complete opposite. I don’t know if it was the energy drink or not, but by the time we had gotten on the highway (which was about 5 minutes after we left my house) I was moving (and talking) at mach 10 and he looked like he had just come off an all night binge. He told me that he hadn’t slept at all the night before and he? was.not.happy. about that. Meanwhile, I’m like the speed racer of conversation. A lot of run-on sentences and conversations (giving him the entire play by play of the night before at the bar.) and by his complete silence and ignoring of me, I could tell I was a little more annoying than my usual self.

I’m finishing my detailed instructions on how to properly pamper my pooches while I’m gone as he turns into the airport entrance.  As he enters the designated "departing flights" area I notice the car in front of us license plate reads: “1892” and because I’m conversing at the speed of light, I say out-loud “In 1892 Columbus sailed the ocean blue” and giggle/smirk at Dave because I’m all 'how smart am I right now on only 3ish hours of sleep?'

As I wait for him to applaud my smartness (more back story here: he’s Nerdy Mc. Reads-a-lot-of history stuff, and I’m more of a weekend Real Housewives marathon kinda girl). Anyway, he just looks at me and says “Tell me you know the correct year (that Columbus sailed the ocean blue).” - I HAVE to say the whole thing - I don't know why....

Crickets. I start to think. “It was 1892 that Columbus sailed the ocean blue (see?) wasn’t it? There’s even that stupid Kellogg’s Frosted Wheat commercial – it WAS 1892 because that little wheat guy said it right? And really? Why would someone have a license plate that said 1892?  I hate it when people have license plates that you can't figure out!  (I may be a little ADHD)  OMG. I really, really don’t know when Columbus sailed the damn ocean blue!!. I need to focus, I have a plane to catch and I have got to KNOW the answer.

Trying to concentrate, I sit there as he pulls up to the curb and gets out. I get my ID and boarding pass together and get out of the truck. At this point he is not only tired, but now annoyed, disgusted and just plain irritated with me. He basically heaves my suitcase onto the curb and gets back in his truck to take off.

I’m still thinking about Columbus as I grab my suit case and start to head into the airport, then I see all these people who are getting dropped off just like me. Some of them are hugging and kissing good-bye. All of a sudden I realize that I’m leaving and won’t see him for like 5 days. I turn and yell for him to stop. I race to the passenger side of his truck and say to him: “Wait!


When DID Columbus sail the ocean blue?"

He just looks at me with this face and says: “It was 1492 you fucking dumbass!” and drives off.

Phew! That would have been one.long.plane-ride.

Monday, May 17, 2010

For the love of blogging...

Why did I LOVE to blog when I had a job with literally no time at all to blog (unless I was avoiding the work I didn't really enjoy?) and now? now that I'm working less hours (sorta) than I was before (earning no less) I can't think of a blooming thing to write about? Also? In my free-ish time, I should consider taking a class on becoming a better writer? My English/Writing teachers would be so proud right now. Ehh? Wadda-ya going to do?

Ok - so this blog is going to be a mish-mosh of all kinds of stuff. You know, stuff that's on my mind lately and my IRL friends probably don't want to hear me talk about - but I think it's kind of important stuff. And? Maybe my migraine will go away if I get it all out of my head? Prolly not, but it's worth a shot, so here goes:

1. Just got back from a 5 day vacation to Naples, FL. Helped my sis celebrate her 50th birthday. (I'm her MUCH MUCH younger sister - seriously I am - it's double digit younger!!)

2. Am really thinking about moving to Florida this fall. It's much to hot there now and throughout the summer months. But come September-October? I'm seriously thinking of becoming "snow-bird" and flying south for winter. My sis says that there's a lot of money in Naples and I think I'm going to try to land a job bartending for the winter months. What do I have to lose? I'm not working a corporate job right now. (not going to say "real job" because going to the bar everyday to serve the drunks their liquour? IS real.)

Also? I just don't think I ever want to go back to a corporate job. At least not right now. Seriously, I got an email while on vacay about a temp/contract job doing what I used to do and while it appealed to me (the money) I actually got a stomach ache just thinking about going back to that life? Is that a sign? And if so, what kind of sign? Is it "I don't want to go back?" or "I could go back and have my old life back again?" I don't know, all I know is I got sick to my stomach and the only thing to calm me down? Was a Pina Colada... (Ok, I'm sure Vodka would have helped too, but when in Rome.....)

3. It's been WELL over a year since I was laid off from my job and this past weekend I saw my former VP and several people from work and even though I wanted to run - I actually did ok - (I was actually there volunteering my photography services for Relay for Life thing) but WHY does everyone still ask "how I'm doing" like I got a death sentence when I lost my job? Uggh!!! It's been over a year and a half people - I have moved on. Please do the same.

4. After a year and a half of NOT working at old job? Former VP knew my name. Find it strangely funny that he didn't know it when I worked there. Hmmmm....

5. This should have probably went with number 1 - while on vacation - I was at the beach and about waist deep in the ocean - just walking and doing some serious thinking about moving down there, etc. etc. and all of a sudden the color of the water changed beside me. I took a closer look and it was a school of about 15-20 stingrays!! It was the most amazing thing I have ever encountered - so cool that I just can't properly describe it. How cool to be that close to "wild animals" in their element. It was serene. We walked/swam down the coast for about 10-15 minutes (which seemed like a longer time) about 1-2 feet away from each other. If I hadn't been at the beach by myself that day, I probably would have tried to actually touch them and "swim with them." but I couldn't get Steve Erwin out of my mind so I kept my distance and just walked with them for as long as they allowed.

6. Did my second photo shoot on my own (and even got paid!) and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. So wish I could have the self esteem that I tell everyone else to have!! I'm my own worst critic and I think I need to let up on this old gal soon before she has a friggin melt down!! But I've been this way for way too long and just don't know how to stop or change.

Back to the photos - they were another set of Senior pics and they were done outside and I think that they turned out AWESOME if I do say so myself - yes, I said AWESOME...

I have a website -but it needs work - I need to call my nephew - he's so much better at this web stuff - I need him to help me with it.

Ok - well, that's all I have for now - plus? I've been at Panera now for almost 3 hours and this is all I've been able to crank out for a blog - so I need to go!

Shopgirl out!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Red Box Renters? or Rude Box Renters.... you tell me....

So tonight - I was in what is frighteningly becoming my usual PISSED OFF and altogether not-happy mood.  I decided, that my sad self would just stay in (even though it IS a Friday night) with a few movies.  Because of said mood, I opted to avoid the generally crowded movie store and decided to think er, rent, out of the box.  RED-BOX that is.  
Now, when these RED-BOXES started appearing in my area some time ago (or when I finally realized what the hell that big red box WAS outside of my grocery store) I thought that they were the coolest things. EVAH.  I mean, these things were GENIOUS!  Because now?   I don't have advertise that I'm alone while I browse the movie selection at my local Blockbuster on a Friday or Saturday night (or any other night of the week, thank you very much.)  And? At a buck a movie?  I can rent several movies, and if they're lame?  So what?  It's only a buck.
That was then, this is now.  And now?  We can successfully put yet one more thing in the "Things that PISS OFF Shopgirl on a regular basis" column tonight.  Why do you ask?  At this point, MOST of my friends probably wouldn't EVEN ask the WHY part, seeing as so.many.things.seem to rattle my cage these days. 
It all comes down to etiquette.  Yes, I think that there needs to be some sort of RED-BOX ETIQUETTE created since we have become a nation (world even) of rude and obnoxious and basically 'I only care about me' people/renters.  Seriously? One Nation Under God?  More like: My Nation... now go fuck yourself.
Anyhoodle..  after almost losing my mind tonight waiting for the incompetent CRACKHEADS that are, at this very moment,  probably either A: creating a meth-lab in my very neighborhood that will likely explode and ultimately leave me and those within a 3 block radius homeless, or B: creating their legacy that will ultimately bring the world to an end.  I came up with these quick and simple rules for renting out of RED-BOX: 
1.  If you don't even know how to turn on your computer at home, use an ATM machine or even know how to swipe your credit card at the grocery store without some sort of assistance?  RED-BOX
2.  Please have some sort of an idea of the movie you want to rent BEFORE you get to the box. I beg of you, if you want to read about each.and.every movie - Go online to  where you can search, read and review all the movie titles in the comfort of your home without holding Shopgirl anyone up in line.  RESERVATIONS can even be made on-line so that you can - like the RED-BOX website states:  FIND YOUR MOVIE, SWIPE YOUR CARD, GRAB IT and GO. 
Go GOD! just GO!  Now, if there is no line - then, by all means, take all the time in your little world.  I don't care - because I'm not there.... WAITING.
3.  If you choose to ignore step two?  Don't be upset or give me the one-eye, when I start to sigh, jingle my car keys, cough, tap dance, jump up and down, make strange faces, twitch, have a full-on anxiety attack (I think you get the picture) after we've reached the 15 minute mark.  You're just selecting a movie, not your soul mate - you can return this movie if it sucks and it will only cost you a buck.  Move along please. (Sarcasm AND poetry - yes, I have many talents)
4.  Observe that there may be a person or 20 waiting to use the box.  Please, even though YOU may have nothing else to do, Shopgirl we might.  Review steps 1-3 again. Your transaction, much like one at an ATM, shouldn't take more than 5-10 minutes.  (Don't even get me started on those idiots that choose to balance their checkbooks at the ATM.)

5.  Now, number 5 may be take a lot of people out of their comfort zone - but check this out: of those 1-20 people waiting in line?  Some of them, may actually only want to RETURN a movie - which (if competent) should only take like a minute, AND they may actually be returning a movie that YOU want.  It would be in your best interest to let these folks go ahead of you.  But, in the non-verbal, text-only, chat-room world that we now reside, you may actually have to SPEAK to these people.  It's an outdated/old-fashioned concept, I know - actually "talking" to someone but I promise, it's like riding a bicycle, the process will come back you.
Got any other suggestions?  Leave 'em in my comments section - let's pass it along to Redbox and see if they post it on their machines!!
Now excuse me, while I go make some popcorn....

Monday, March 15, 2010

Just a few things I learned today.

1st thing I learned today: When heading "out" with laptop (Borrowed from the infamous Katie Couric of Akron - seriously? U.Rock.the.CASBAH!)  so you can write your blog in a place where you are SURE you will find inspiration? First, find out if the Wi-Fi is FREE (since you're still UNEMPLOYED) Yeah, Starbucks and your $5 Frappa-FUCKING-chino? (that yes, I KNOW I don't need, much less should be splurging on, but if I'm going to use their Wi-fi, I thought, maybe I should buy something from their store? Well, for a 2 hour "pass" to use their Wi-fi is $3.99 plus tax or whatever, I didn't even bother to read all the "other crap" I just took my now purchased Frappachino and left. Starbucks - you suck and I won't be back....)

Next off to Panera, where the Wi-fi is free -but yet, I simply CANNOT go in there with my SB cup - right? Well, I could, but really?  Do I want to be that girl?  No.I.Do.Not. So, now I'm hopped up on a few quick sips of my Frappachino and I must now buy a Shortbread cookie -because, well have you HAD a Panera Shortbread cookie?  You must - one word - YUM!  (and the cheapest thing on the menu.)  So now my "free" wi-fi experience has cost me a Frappachino AND a cookie (well, and if I'm being honest here) a cup (not a bowl) of soup.

2nd. thing I learned today: DON'T try to find your "writing inspiration place" somewhere where they sell food - you fattie!!!  YOU. WILL. WANT. TO. EAT.... AND EAT..... AND EAT SOME MORE.  (Even though you had lunch with mom and dad four hours ago (well, four hours IS a long time -BUT, the cookie/frappa debacle should have sufficed until you got home.

3rd thing I learned today:  I HAVE ADHD.  I cannot concentrate on my own thing without listening to  GAWD - those people that hear "voices"  - I feel for you.

4th thing I learned today:  Bring headphones next time.  Everyone else with a laptop here?  also wearing earphones - I OBVIOUSLY didn't get the memo and am so.behind. the.times. when it comes to Wi-fiing out in the open public.

5th thing I learned today:  Be a little less OBVIOUS when eavesdropping on public in
I soooooo got busted listening to and staring at random girl telling boyfriend she couldn't believe she got a DUI last week.(just to be clear, I was listening to stupid girl and staring at her HAWT boyfriend - not good anyway you look at it, I know, but I just wanted to clarify.)

6th thing I learned today:  People will talk about ANYTHING in public place.  Seriously? Reality TV so does not compare to what you can overhear in a Panera.... I am now considering canceling my cable service (since I'm still unemployed) and hanging out here for my entertainment.

7th and last thing I learned (well at least while at Panera) today:  I really, really need to get my camera back out - there are some pretty cool pictures here and they are of BAGELS.  Seriously?  Panera Bread PAID for this "artwork."  The unemployed Shopgirl with her $500 very nice DSLR camera at home?  Could take better pictures.

Ok - I'm outta here - it's finally warm(er) in Ohio and I'm going to take poochers for walk!

Ciao Babies!!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Hey Jealousy....

Why are we jealous?  Is it an in bread character trait or do we develop and hone this “quality?”  I always thought it was just me and my own personal failure to keep my feelings under control.  I have always been envious (read jealous) of those individuals that never seem to let their insecurities get the best of them and ultimately get jealous over someone else.  It doesn’t matter what it is, I am and always have been jealous of  The proverbial grass is always greener on the other side of my life. 

Lately, my jealousy is getting worse.  Combined with the depression that I seem to be drowning in, I don’t even think a full on cruise ship, much less a life boat, could pull me out of my utter jealous depressed funk.  Hi. My name is Shopgirl, and I am a jealous-aholic.  Currently, I am jealous of the bartender that I work with.  She is younger than me – by like 16+ years.  (How is she even OLD enough to serve drinks?  Oh yeah, that’s right, because I’m a god-damn fossil, that’s how.)  I’m jealous that she’s skinny - and yes, she IS skinny even though Dave you say she’s not.  She is skinnier than me and that’s what makes me insane. Hell, YOU are skinnier than me!  Do you know how INSANE that makes me?  Yes, I believe you do. 

Even as I write this, I look over it and can see how dumb (for lack of a better word) that I’m being.  So what, that this girl is skinnier than me?  I could do something about it.  Like for instance, I could put the pasta fork down and step away from the garlic bread.  But we all know that I won’t do that.  But, what is the worst part of all of this is that I’m jealous of her because of something so superficial.  She is biggest dumb-ass that I have ever met.  She can’t add or subtract (shut up, I can count change back – most of the time.)  She dropped out of some sort of makeup/facial College.  Really?  You can’t even complete a cosmetic course?   (I’m not saying beauty school is not hard – read on –you’ll see that I’m not the brightest when it comes to school)  

So, when I’m feeling down, why can’t I pump myself up?  I have two college degrees, granted, I could be a doctor based on how long it took me to get those two degrees, but none the less, I have them.  I have owned my own house for over 10 years, and even right now, being unemployed I’m able to pay all of my bills. 

Yet, when I’m feeling down or that jealous feeling spreads throughout my body, all I can concentrate on is that she’s younger and skinnier than me. It doesn’t help when my friend calls me right before I go in for my shift to tell me how much money she’s made in tips, or how everyone is so anxious to help her.  When I’m there?  Yeah, I’m pretty much left to my own devices.  No help for the old fat broad, but the young, ditzy skinny bitch?  Gets.all.the.attention.  Bitter?  YES I AM.   

Again, I could look at it from a different angle, like, I’m left alone because I know what the FUCK I’m doing and I can count money and my drawer is never (well up until lately) off. (yes, I had a bad day with the cash drawer – off by $20 – it was a busy day and I’m sure I just counted change back incorrectly, but here we go – I have ONE MORE thing to beat myself up for.)

But, do I look at all the good that is going on in my life?  No.  I, Shopgirl, could never think like that.  Instead, I choose to wallow in my own depression/jealous/bitter filled cesspool of emotion.  Why?  Why do I do that?  And, more importantly, if I was being told this story by any of my girlfriends I would LITERALLY kick their asses (or the stupid bitch of a bartender that’s making her so sad) and tell her that she not only rocks but she’s the best thing in the world and that skanky bitch has nothing on her.  (and for a small price, could be made to disappear. – I’m just saying.)  But, I can’t do it for myself.  WHY?? 

For those of you that still come to see what Shopgirl is up to, leave your thoughts on jealousy and share with me if you’ve ever been in this kind of situation.  What have you done?  I’m not fishing for compliments here (although – YOU could quit pushing my buttons just leave your thoughts….

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy a “boob” shirt.  If I can’t beat (maime) her, then I’m going to pullout the “girls” and work what my momma gave me…..   I need the tip money!!