Friday, February 27, 2009

Thank God and the Baby Jesus . . .

So, if you haven't heard about my cell phone dilemma - go here first.

Ok - so are you all hyped up now?? Can you believe it?? 600 FUCKING FRIGGIN DOLLARS!! I know, and I can assure you that I was just making my typical calls to my usual contacts and then of course all those folks that I've called regarding a JOB - since I have none right now.

So, after FREAKING THE FUCK OUT reading over my cell phone bill, I called up Verizon (free 611 call) and talked to someone in Customer Service. This gal was actually nice and sounded like she truly wanted to help me. She did change me into a better calling plan so this FUCKING BULLSHIT unpleasant episode won't happen again. I can now call people who are not on the Verizon plan and I won't be pillaged for it. Then, she said she'd give me a one time "courtesy" credit. GREAT! I was thinking, and this is what I THOUGHT I heard her say: "I'll be able take 40% off your current bill." Woo-hoo! I thought - that's like almost 1/2 (hey, I'm too cute to do math) Anyhoodle this sounded great!

But, as everything in Shopgirl's life - this was not what she ACTUALLY said. What she DID say, was that she could take 40% off of the minutes I went over my plan - which was like 600 minutes. So, it was a ONE TIME COURTESY CREDIT of those 600 minutes - not the rest of my bill. (which was about $100) Ok, a credit is good and all, and I'm GENERALLY not one to look a gift horse in the mouth (is that the way that saying goes? B/c it really makes no sense to me) Where was I? Oh yeah, so I'm like - ok a credit of $100 but that still leaves me with a bill that's still close to a house payment or 2 car payments.

All the while, I'm thinking to myself - I pay like $80/for 2 lines and we USUALLY only use about 700 minutes total. (sometimes more - but not 600 more) Oh, the second line? Moms and Pops - I want to know I can find my 80 year old parents where-ever they may wander.

So, if I'm paying 80-ish for 700 minutes and I've gone over my bill by another 600 minutes - in MY PRETTY LITTLE HEAD the bill should be like 160 (80 +80) or possibly 200 for all the other b/s (taxes, fees, fees for those fees and taxes - you know). But not $500!

By now it was 11pm and I was just too tired and too upset to call back. So, after a less-than-restful night I got up this AM and called back. Of course I got a bitch not-so-nice customer service rep on the phone and she REFUSED to help me at all because I took the ONE TIME COURTESY CREDIT - and if I wasn't satisfied with that I should have said something last night. Now it was too late. UGGGHHH!! Well, I didn't KNOW I had the right to refuse this credit and ask for more. So I asked her what kind of help they could offer me, because right now? being unemployed? I don't have $500. At least not for a cell phone. Yes, I want to keep in touch with my peeps - but $500? Can feed me for a couple of months or pay my car for a few months.

Do you know what she said? There is NO PAYMENT PLAN... UNTIL... YOU'RE ALREADY PAST DUE. What the fuck is wrong with companies? I'm trying NOT to be a DEADBEAT here... I'm trying to WORK with this company so I can remain a GOOD customer, but you're telling me that being a customer for almost 20 years (I got a cell phone at an early age b/c my sis worked for Verizon way back then) and mostly paying on time - you won't help me until I'm already in the negative??? Yep - that's what she was saying to me. This kind of thinking just blows my fucking mind - no wonder people are buying houses they can't afford and letting them foreclose - there is no good reason NOT to. I wish now, that I would have bought my MILLION DOLLAR mansion and lived there for as many years as I could have and not paid anything - because now? I'd probably be getting some NOT DESERVED help.

Defeated and just plain fed up... I hung up and went on with my day. I figured, FUCK IT, let them turn off my phone - I'll just go to another carrier and get another phone, because I AM NOT paying $500. They won't be able to call me if they turn off my phone! But, I just wasn't raised this way (dammit) so I tried calling Verizon again. (I also, don't want to get another phone, get a new number, it's all just too much and it shouldn't be this hard.)

So, I called Verizon for a THIRD time. Explained my situation for THE THIRD TIME. To a THIRD CUSTOMER SERVICE REP. Got told a THIRD TIME that I was already give a COURTESY CREDIT. But this time, I wouldn't let up - I was nice, but stern. I didn't beg, but matter of factly, told the CSR that this was in a nutshell, bull shit and why not just help me out instead of watching my account go unpaid and ultimately end up in collections. Well, after about 20 minutes of banter and 'checking my account' and 'speaking with his supervisor'..... I received another credit which ultimately cut my phone bill pretty darn close to 1/2 of what it was last night. (Like the way I originally thought I heard the FIRST CSR say.)

It's still a lot of money-and I'm convinced that Verizon is NOT losing anything. PLUS, they are keeping a customer and a HAPPY (sorta) one too. I now don't have to be the deadbeat that companies these days want you to become and I don't have to change my phone number or get a new phone that I'm sure I wouldn't know how to use anyway..

Thank you Baby Jesus and Bill the Verizon guy....

The Moral of my story? If at first you don't succeed, try and harass and keep calling back until they credit your account dammit!!!!!!!!!!


Ok - so I'm not Catholic and at my church we really don't (or haven't been taught to) give up anything for lent. But, after tonight, I think I may (have to) give up something. My Cell Phone
: (

I just logged on line to my cell phone account and Thank God I was sitting down. Ok, last month my bill was a normal (well as normal as it usually is) dollar amount. This month? And remember, I've lost my job and have apparently been calling LOTS of places for a new job and my palio Dave - (who BTW is NOT ON MY PLAN) So this months bill?

Wait for it......

R U Sitting down?

Seriously? You should sit.... (trust me)


What. The. Fuck?????????????????????????????????????????
I could get a Louis Vuitton! Or SEVERAL Coach wallets or one VERY nice Coach purse.

I. Fucking. Hate. VERIZON!!!

And, I was doing sooooooooooo good being all happy what with the new Puppy and all... Well? it's Ramen noodles and cereal for the next couple months................

Hmmm..... let's try to find a positive in this.... If I only eat Ramen noodles and cereal for the next month or so:
1. I'll be able to repay the phone bill and still be able to answer calls from prospective employers.
2. I'll probably lose some weight and my suits for interviews with said prospective employers will probably fit better.
3. I won't have to give up my lifeline to all those Dave and Jerry friends who aren't on my plan.

Well, that's not very many positives - but that's all I can come up with. Any other ideas on how to pay back the Louis Vuitton-esque bill?

Blog responses only - no phone calls PLEASE!