Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The B word

So Dave has been cooking for me (and our friend Jerry) – and yes, I’m soooooooooooo loving it. And, he's a pretty DAMN good cook!! His mother has a HUGE garden and last week sent us lots and lots of FRESHLY GROWN veggies – that Dave grills up for us on my new GRIDDLE/GRILLE that I recently bought at my favorite store Target. Now, however, Dave wants to take over my finances. Well, not takeover, because I’d be ALL for that. No, he wants to put me on a . . . on a . . . (breathing hard here) on a BUDGET.

First he’s got me on a DIET and even though I am willingly going along with the diet business, I’m not so sure I can handle a BUDGET with HIM. God, just typing the word makes my stomach queasy. Or is it the 3 Musketeers bar I just had? (It was a “miniature” bar – don’t call me and tell me how much sugar I just consumed.) Yes, that call out is to my dear friend Dave.

You see, my dearest Dave is a wee-bit OCD. And while on this diet I am constantly getting updates on the amounts of sugar, carbs, calories, grams of fat in any one item that I may stuff into my face (or what he has regrettably eaten that day.) Now, if we go forward and I let him put me on a . . . . . BUDGET. (Seriously, feeling faint right now.)

God, on a BUDGET I’d have to answer to everything I spend a single copper penny on. I’m just not sure I’m ready to go there. I’ve never, ever been good with money and I’m even worse when someone tries to control my spending. But, given my current financial status (disaster) I’m pretty sure it’s my only salvation. Oh god . . . I think I need to lie down. . . .

OR – share with all of you what I bought this past weekend at the local Art Fair. What? I proudly and FULLY support the ARTS in my community. And, um hello it was an Art Fair and that not only meant cool art-sy stuff but it meant FAIR FOOD – like funnel cakes (which I didn’t have) and corn dogs (ok – I had one corn dog).

Ok – so anyway – I did buy a few things – had to have a pair of CUTE earrings and a necklace to match. And I got the most fun Hummingbird feeder that was made out of a Tab glass bottle! Didn’t you just love Tab?? Well, I did – and it’s all I drank in college (well, before and after going to the bar) so it brought back good memories.

I didn’t spend that much and it was within my “spending budget” that I’ve devised for myself. With all the veggies we got from Dave’s mom, I had extra grocery money to spend!! Bonus!!

Anyway – these are the artists that I’m loving right now:’t buy a purse from her, but soooooooooo want to. – I got her “signature copyrighted piece” only mine was like a lime green instead of blue that’s shown on the site. I got the matching earrings also on the page. – his work was AMAZING and made me want to go home and use my $600 Digital SLR that I bought back in January and haven’t used yet. Hmmm.. maybe it IS time for a BUDGET. – she had the most fun and funky jewelry and home decorations. I want to quit my job and be her.

If you visit any of these sites – tell them that I sent ya!!

I wish I may, I wish I might, get the ONE wish I wish tonight and every night . . .

One Wish: If you had one wish, what would it be?

Well, since I’m a bit of a selfish little bitch, I’d want more than one wish – really, if I’m wishing here – I’d wish for more wishes. Hmmmmm.. makes you applaud my mother’s reasoning for re-sending me to pre-school to learn how to share – amongst other things.

Anyway, back to my wish-es. I wish I was skinny. No, I wish I didn’t love food as much as I do – then, I’d be skinnier. No, I wish I liked to work out – A LOT – then I could eat because I love food so much. No, I wish I had a high metabolism – then I wouldn’t have to work out AND I could eat what ever my rapid beating heart desired - because let’s face it, who really likes to work out anyway? For those of you that do – I’m so not liking you (or believing you) right now.

Another wish? I wish I could sing. Out loud. Not just in my car or to my dog (which I’m sure hurts her ears more than ANYONES.) I wish people actually WANTED to hear me (my mom doesn’t count either) sing. I’m totally into the “Wicked” Soundtrack right now that I just want to sing out loud in my cubicle (and quiet frankly, I’m pretty sure it will happen) along with GaLinda to the song “Popular.” I’ve been ‘shushed’ so many times this week because I talk to loud that I’m pretty sure bursting out in song will have even more negative ramifications. Hmmm.. could I be written up? Or, maybe they’d send me home. THAT’S really wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I’m going to start warming up my pipes. . . .

But here’s my wish of all wishes – The MOTHER WISH if you will:

I wish I had a tall drink of water that would be there every morning when I wake up, lying next to me. I got a tiny morsel of this last week – but it lasted for approximately a minute – and now, I’m craving it!! Unfortunately this morsel was not quite the taste I was looking for so I’ll have to keep searching the ‘menu’ until I find that perfect meal (er – I mean man, see? It all comes back to food with me). I’m tired and a little bitter too, of seeing and watching everyone around me in love and holding each other and just “being with” one another. I want that too!! I want it dammit! I need it I CRAVE IT!!

I want a man in my bed AND my life. As a single and pretty self sufficient woman, I forgot how NICE it was to wake up with another human being lying next to me. I mean, I love my dog and all, but there is no comparison to human flesh on human flesh intertwined breathing on one another. For the first time in a very long, long time, I woke up with an ACTUAL smile on face. God, it felt so gooooo-oood that I almost wish it wouldn’t have happened at all because I want it full-time.

To those of you that have this – I hate you (just a little bit.) I covet not your man, but your relationship. Don’t take it for granted . . . .

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dinner and Small Talk . . .

Dave and I just got back from dinner at Tangier - we should have just stayed at my house and cooked the food Dave bought at Giant Eagle because it would have tasted MUCH better. Really, shouldn't an $80 dinner plus a $20 tip taste a little better than the 'All you can eat dinner buffet' at the Golden Corral?? But that is not the reason for this post.

While we waited for the Chef (I use the term lightly) from Tangier to return from Aldi's grocery store with our steak, shrimp, crab cake and Grouper and prepare it for our dining pleasure, I recapped the events of my work day. I attended a class called "Managing Interpersonal Relationships" or MIR at work and tried to share my new knowledge with Dave by explaining that I fall into the Amiable personality quadrant while he falls under the Driver or Expressive quadrant. Amiables, I try to explain, have a need to tell a story, and don't like to be rushed, bullied or pressured. We don't like unreasonable deadlines and expectations but we are great team builders, excellent coaches and basically just want to make the workplace a fun and comfortable environment.

I'm in the middle of this explanation when the Expressive in Dave comes out. Expressives are also people oriented, like to have fun, are achievement oriented and risk takers. They think and talk fast and want EVERYONE around them to do the same, as they don't have the attention span for lots of details or stories. Which is when Dave says to me "That's exactly me, I want a conversation without all the bullshit, just give me a verb and a noun, that's all I want."

So, being the Amiable that I am I responded with:

"Fuck you."

What can I say? I've got a little expressive in me and wanted to over achieve - so I gave him a verb and a PRO-noun.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Dead Mouse! Dead Mouse! Dead Mouse!!

I just went out to my garage for something and as I'm searching, my eyes land on a DEAD MOUSE laying on a shelf in my garage!!! This is the SECOND dead animal I've had to deal with this weekend!! I'm MOVING - well, I'm not going back into the garage for at least 3 days (which is how long I'll be gone on my next trip.)

Saturday morning -after a long and oh so fun night of drinking with two BFFs - I'm woken up by my dearest dog, Daisy, who wants to go out side. Hungover, I oblige her by slowly crawling out of bed, go pee, take more Advil, stumble downstairs and open the back door for her to go "out." I retreat to my couch, flip on the TV and let the Dr. (Pepper - diet) and Advil work their magic. An hour (ok 3) later, I'm annoyed enough by the constant barking of my dearest (obnoxious) Daisy and stagger to the door only I don't see her precious face waiting to be let in, I see a DEAD Robin lying on it's back at the door.

Let me tell you - hung over and having to deal with a "fresh" dead bird on a Saturday morning (afternoon) is NOT the way to start your weekend. I'm not sure if Daisy had anything to do with this death or not - although she was quite interested in it when I had to pick it up (gloves on up to my ears and I used a rake and LOTS of plastic bags (sorry environment) so as to not catch any bird flu (or touch it on my bare skin anywhere.)

I had just gotten over the dead bird sight - and now, I have a dead mouse to deal with in my garage. Thank god Dave is coming over to cook me dinner tonight - I'll make him take care of it.

This, this is when a single girl really needs a man in the house (among other things) to take care of the rodents, bugs and other things "ick."

Ok - I think I'll be ok - I'm going to stay in the house until Dave arrives and then order him to search and recover the dead mouse (to the trash can).

Wish me luck on a more "lively" day . . .

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Shopping should be fun - right?

With a blog name like “Shopgirl,” one would assume that I love to shop - right? (Yes, I know what happens when you a s s u m e anything - don't go there.)
It’s true, I do love to shop and I also “shop” for employees for my company. (see for my “work/life” story.) So yes, I love to shop - for just about anything except groceries - which is weird since I'm a bit of a "foodie" and love, love, love to eat.

Well, last night I remembered one more thing that I HATE to shop for – BRAS. Let me say that again. I HATE TO SHOP FOR BRAS!! I don’t care how pretty you make ‘em with lace and satin or give ‘em names like ‘demi’, ‘balconett’, ‘full coverage’, ‘convertible’ or ‘racer back’, I HATE shopping for bras and when I do, I buy as many as I can afford. Want to know the Secret that Victoria is keeping? Answer: shopping for ‘over the shoulder boulder holders’ is a not fun! She dresses it up in frilly pink and white and adds some fruity lotions and potions to make us forget why we hate shopping for bras in the first place.

And for for any man folk who accidentally stumbled to this site and are not well-versed with the proper fitting (rather than tearing off) of bras, not all bras are created equal and price does not matter either. And while I’m at it – all bra manufacturers out there – listen up, if you make a bra in several different ‘styles’ can you keep the cup size the same in each? I swear, I tried on over 30 (I’m not lying either) different bras from just ONE manufacturer and each and every goddamn one fit different. And that was just from ONE brand name!

I had to take in over 30 different bras, because a: there were THAT many to choose from, and b: I was shopping by myself so I didn’t have anyone to run and get me another size. I was wishing so badly that my mom was with me – even though I hate shopping with her – because moms are the only ones that will stay with you while you’re going through this madness. Best girlfriends grow tired of this process really quickly – usually because in my case, my girlfriends can find the perfect bra in one fitting and ta-(ta) da they’re done. Bitches! (I mean that in the most endearing way.)

So there I am, in the fitting room with my 30+ bras sweating to death because once I have the bra on, I have to then re-dress myself to see how it looks underneath my shirt. I need to see if it accentuates the ‘girls’ in all the right places while keeping the ‘back fat’ to a minimum. (This being one of the many reasons why I’m starting the diet again) This whole process of trying on bra after bra and re-dressing is just exhausting. Oh, and don’t forget seeing myself naked from the waist up in front of a 3-way mirror, there’s a sight that I just can’t get enough of. Add to it that I’m alone and have no one to bitch at or with, makes it all the more agonizing.

I only made it through that first round of 30 bras before I gave up and took the two (because they were buy one get one half off) that fit the “best” and fled to the shoe department. What? Sue me, I needed relief. I’m surprised I didn’t go straight to Coldstone.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

1/2 off summer

Can you believe that Summer is 1/2 over already? OK, so "officially" it started on June 21st or there-abouts, but according to MY calendar (which is when the school buses stop and start up again) it's about 1/2 over. I'm so sad!! I am totally getting used to the longer days - I love that it doesn't get dark until about 9pm. I am also loving that the sun comes up even earlier, even though I'm not getting up any earlier. (but setting the alarm to get up earlier to walk the dog, eat breakfast or just try to get to work on time counts right?)

Today is my first day back to work after a long holiday weekend and I'm soooooooooo not in the mood to work (it really didn't take a 4 day weekend to come to that conclusion) but I have so much to do I just don't know where to start. I feel like I'm 10 years old again and I have to clean my room. Where in the FUCK do you start? The piles and piles of dirty clothes? (ewww - mom can get those) The stacks and stacks of notes, pictures, movie ticket stubs, magazines, or whatever other paper product is strewn about the floor? Wait a minute - I'm not 10 again - I'm 30-something and this is ACTUALLY my desk/my bedroom/my whole house really.

SOOOOOO need to get back to work - but what did I just do? I spent 15 minutes (OK, more like 30 minutes) looking up the points I have collected with my Visa Checking card. Turns out that I'm eligible for a $25 Target Gift Card! Yea me! GET BACK TO WORK!! I still have a full voice mail box that I'm dreading to review. I also have two expense reports that I need to complete and turn in (but don't wanna), and then there are the 100's, no, 1000's of resumes to review. Uggghhhh.

Oh, and did I mention that I'm dieting again? Yes, I have to this time, because during my last trip - I think I cut off the circulation from waist down trying to button my pants. Seriously, if I dropped anything on the floor while wearing said pants, that's where it stayed, because bending over? So, not an option. Dave has also decided to diet this time - yes, I'm a follower. Really I have to diet with him because he has decided not to drink until his birthday month, September (we'll see how that goes) and since I pretty much do all of my drinking with him, I'm now on the same diet plan.

So, here I am - day two of the "detox and diet" and well, lets see, so far all I've done (besides surf the net while not working) is think about not eating and working on my grocery list. (JC Penney - I want to go there after work - see - DON'T WANT TO WORK TODAY) While I've been thinking about NOT EATING I've consumed: Raisin Bran Cereal, toast (wheat) but with butter, grilled chicken, salad, grilled veggies, green beans, a 3 Musketeers bar (it was tiny and I totally forgot I had them hidden in my desk - so bonus!) and some Orange Slices (the candy kind). Once I found the candy bar I knew I had other candy products hidden so I was on the hunt (I can count that as cardio can't I?) Dieting sucks!!!

Dave, on the other hand, is calling me at every meal to see what I've eaten and to report what he's eating (or not eating) because of course he's eating way less (or so he tells me) and I just know that he's going to drop 100 pounds in like a day. It's like that commercial on TV - where the guy stops eating bread and goes from a beast (no, you're not a beast) to a bean pole and the woman hasn't had bread in 2 years and looses her boobs, but keeps her fat ass. That will be me. Then I'll have to take yet another anti-depressant pill (which I just remembered I forgot to take this morning - how is that possible?)

Oh well, I really should get back to work - or at least my grocery list.
Fudgesicles! Ooooohhh - got to put those on the list!

Ok - really, I NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK - I just took another 15 minutes (30) and looked up scrapbooking and photog supplies on that I saw while channel surfing before going to bed.

Oh - but I can't wait to get home and have a fudg-sicle . . . but first a stop at JC Penney.