Little old ladies . . .

Even though my day started off not so great, it ended with a HUGE smile.

Ok - so I ran to the the grocery store tonight to pick up dinner and a few other things (you know the drill, you go in for butter, and come out with eggs, 10 packs of frozen veggies b/c they were 10 for $10?) See this blog (round 3) to see how that's going to end up.

Anyway - I'm checking out and as I'm bagging my things (yes I use the self check out - because the 14 year old they have working the register? Yeah, I like my bread ON TOP of the groceries and soap/chemical products? Yeah, I like them bagged SEPARATELY - I'm weird like that, I know.) So, I'm bagging my things and I see this this kid (probably about 20-22) walking by with his jeans pulled down half way around his ass. I know I'm getting old(er) but I will never, ever get this look. Ok, I got it when Marky Mark did it in the "Good Vibrations" video - but he wore cute Calvins and it was ONLY the waist band of the Calvins that showed - not half of his ASS!! Although - hindsight - might not have been that bad.

Ok - back to my point - I'm sorry, my brain is still in vacay mode. So, as he walks by - half ass showing and all - I must have given a dirty look or a look of disgust (really he didn't even have cute underwear on - I mean if I HAVE to SEE IT - it better be cute or designer - and it was neither.) So there I am, dirty look giver, and this sweet little old lady (I swear she had to be 80) comes up to me and says: "I bet he thinks he's all that and a bag of chips. I just hate the way they wear their jeans like that."

Honestly, I thought she was going to yell at me for giving the dirty look - like maybe this kid was her grandson or something - based on how my day started - it really wasn't that far of a stretch.

But wait! There's more!

That's not ALL she said.


This is sooooooooooooo funny - you better not take a drink or anything . . . .


Seriously - I'm warning you - this is HILARIOUS . . .





She then says, "they (the kids) wear them that low, like they're hanging off their wieners!!"


People - this was the SWEETEST little old lady and she said WIENERS!!! I thought I was going to die! I am not making this up!


I think I just caught a glimpse of myself at 80 years old.


Rock on grandma, rock on . . . .

Curb your Dog . . .

Ok - so I just got back from taking my Delightful Daisy for a morning walk (something I wish I could do everyday - but alas, I don't have that much vacation time.) So, you can imagine, since I'm using up a precious vacay day today, that I am thoroughly enjoying my walk with my dog and don't want it to be spoiled by anything or any ONE. Well, that was not the case this morning. I had just hung up with Dave and had told him that Houdini (aka Daisy) had gotten loose on Saturday and in the 15 minutes (or less) that she was gone - it looked like she may have gotten into a fight or something - as she was missing a tiny patch of hair around her collar.

I really don't think she got in a fight - the patch is quite small - about the size of the tip of my pinky - but non-the-less, hair/fur is missing - so I wonder . .

So, Dave tells/yells at me that one day "that dog" is going to mess with the wrong animal or person and will get itself hurt or killed even. (he's doing this to get me going). I have a fenced yard, I keep her chained when she's out front, she's got her license and pretty much EVERYONE in the 'hood knows she's my dog. I know the consequences and try - my very best - to keep her contained. This is why she ended up with me in the first place - she was a rescue that kept getting loose and running away - and ended up in the pound. What can I say? She's like me - she's got a free spirit - that's why I love her so much!!

I tell Dave that IF that happens and she is hurt or God forbid, killed then THAT was her fate.


It will also be my fate to live out the rest of my days in JAIL because I will have KILLED or at least MAIMED the person/animal who hurts my precious POOCH. (ok - that's a joke - sort of.)

I have a point to this story- I promise - and here it is: about 10 minutes after I hang up with Dave I pass a house where someone is backing out and going, I presume, to work. They get about 6 or so houses down the street and then they SLAMMMMMMM on their brakes and BACK UP THE ENTIRE WAY - past their house and stop in front of ME and DAISY. Ok, so I'm a little freaked out and apprehensive right now. This (psychotic) lady then rolls down the passenger window and says to me - "I see your walking your dog but you don't have any bags with you" (the pooper scooper kind). I give her a nasty look and say, "yes I do they're in my pocket." (which they were.) Instead of saying, ok, I'm sorry or I'm glad you're responsible for your dog or ANYTHING along those lines - she CONTINUES to yell saying "well, SOMEONE lets their dog poop in my yard and I don't appreciate it."

Listen you old bat - I just got done telling you that I HAVE BAGS WITH ME - I AM A RESPONSIBLE DOG OWNER! Don't effing continue to yell at me, be on your miserable way.
THIS was the response I WANTED to say to her. What I said was "well it's not my dog." - Wooooooo - I bet I scared her.

I SHOULD have asked her if she drives around the entire neighborhood yelling at all dog walkers about the poop in her yard. I SHOULD have told her that she should be THANKFUL that she doesn't live in the neighborhood with the SHORT BUS and have Logan roaming the streets - ha ha!!

So much for a nice walk. . .

Spin Cycle

So I want to be a part of the Spin Cycle too - I guess that's one wish eh? I posted a blog on WISHES before - but here are more wishes that I wish would come true:

I wish that every time I ate chocolate - it had a counter reaction - like it actually made my ass look 5 lbs smaller!! Let me tell you, I'd have a NICE A$$!!!

I wish that I was ACTUALLY as cool as I think I am!

I wish it was 5 o'clock already!!! Sheesh - is time just tick tock taking forever today???

I wish I knew the POWER ball numbers for tonight . . .

I wish I had NATURALLY blonde hair -but, thank GOD I have a GREAT hairdresser!!

I wish you all a very good weekend!

What if . . .

Ever have a "What if" moment? Could just be a coincidence or a whatever moment - but usually, "what if" moments are life changing (or I guess, could be). Got this idea for a blog from a contest on Ask Alice

Here's mine . . .

One of my biggest "What if" moments happened about 6 years ago when I went to Maui, HI with my now BFF (then, friend from work) for her wedding over Memorial Day. I wasn't in the wedding but I shared a condo with the maid of honor and best man. We were the only singletons there. It was a very "Real World" meeting at the airport - because we honestly didn't know each other (really) until we all met at the airport as our flights arrived. (The Best Man was from Chicago, Maid of Honor from Michigan and I am from Ohio.) We had really only emailed each other - as one was in charge of the rental, another in charge of the condo, etc. That was about it.

Side note: The three of us got along GREAT and had the best vacation ever. Six years later and every Memorial Day weekend I get out my pictures and just smile remembering the best 9 days in my life.

Anyway - the first night there, after dinner – Best Man and I sat out on the beach with a makeshift cooler (trash can from the room with ice) and a case of Corona's and just talked and talked and drank, and drank. Maid of Honor was invited to join us – but declined because she was tired and full from dinner.

Before we knew it, and after hearing many funny and personal stories, taking silly pictures of each other and the MANY sand crabs (one who we named - Big Brutus), it was 5am and the sun was rising. In our drunken state - we tried (unsuccessfully) to actually SEE the sun rise - but we couldn't find it. Yes, the BIG ORANGE/YELLOW CIRCLE in the SKY? - We, (dru-unks) couldn't find it. (I am NOT lying)
Nothing happened that night - romantically - except that we became great friends and the next week was the literally the BEST WEEK EVER. (for all 3 of us too) Over the course of the next 7 days we were as thick as thieves and never left each others side.

On our last night in Maui (the Maid of Honor had left for home the night before) Best Man and I had dinner and a little too much to drink - which would usually mean that something ROMANTIC actually DID happen right? Wrong! Way too much alcohol and we just both fell asleep. I had to leave the next day and wouldn't see him again until the reception back home for the newlyweds.

When we met up at the reception, in the newlywed’s hometown in Michigan, it was as if we never missed a beat, we were reminiscing about the trip – checking out my tattoo. Oh yeah, I always wanted a tattoo – he had a couple and said he’d go with me – so I have a tattoo to remind me of that trip. At the end of the night Best Man drove me back to my hotel and at a red light I leaned over and planted a big kiss on him and told him that I’d been dying to do that since Maui. He said “me too!” Unfortunately, I was sharing a room with the Maid of Honor and others from the wedding so we would again have to wait to be with each other.

The next morning we had to be up early at the newlywed’s house to watch them open gifts - ugggh!! All I wanted to do was consummate my new relationship with Best Man – not watch someone else open gifts!! But like a really cheesy romantic comedy – this was not in the works for us. You see, the day went on and on, and on and on – and eventually we had to go our separate ways, he back to Chicago and me back to Ohio because (like an IDIOT) I rode to Michigan with the newlyweds and had to leave when they did.

We tried to keep in touch via email and phone calls, but you know how that goes. Throw in the fact that Best Man was interviewing and eventually landed a new job, time was sparse. It just never came to fruition. Except, one night 9 months later, he came to visit the newlyweds unexpectedly. At this time, however, I was kind of dating someone else. While Best Man was at the newlyweds house, my BFF’s new Husband told Best Man about this someone else and this sealed the fate of any relationship between me and Best Man.

It’s been a little of six years now, newlyweds are still married and have 2 children (one even named after me!) and the Maid of Honor is also married with children. Best Man and me?

STILL SINGLE.
NEITHER OF US DATING ANYONE.

Do I think What If? All the time . . . .


What are your "What if" moments?

Is this REALLY news to anyone??

Taken from Yahoo! News:

NEW YORK - Clay Aiken appears on the cover of the latest People magazine holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken, with the headline: "Yes, I'm Gay."

I mean, come on, did anyone REALLY NOT think he was gay??

Must be a slow news day . . .

Kinda like my blog writing lately . . . .

Things that make you go hmmmm....

Daily musings

So today I decided to “power walk” after eating lunch. Was it because it’s absolutely GORGEOUS outside today? Perhaps. Was it because walking is good exercise and I really should get more exercise? Maybe. Was it because I ate way too much for breakfast and lunch? Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

So anyway I, along with many other co-workers, are walking in my company’s parking lot (where 1 lap is conveniently is 1 mile – or so we in HR say it is) and I’m jamming to the music on my iPod and I pass this woman who is in her “workout clothes” and obviously working up a sweat and she was SMOKING! I had to stop and do a double take. She was smoking while power walking! I don’t know why this amuses me so much – but I just chuckled to myself – because here we all are, doing something healthy (or at least that’s what we tell ourselves) and there she is smoking while power walking. I guess you could say she’s keeping it real, because really, I’m sitting here at my desk – just a couple hours after my “exercise” eating Mike and Ike’s (which are sitting RIGHT next to the carrots I bought at lunch today) - at least this woman isn’t lying to herself.


More Thoughts:

Last night, Dave, Jerry and I met for drinks and appetizers at Chrissie Hynde’s VegeTerranean restaurant. Lots went on last night between Dave, Jerry and I – I’ll chat about that later – but one thing that I did notice was this couple that was having dinner. They were by themselves, just the two of them, in a booth, sitting on the same side instead of across from each other. I just don’t get this – maybe it’s because I’m not part of a couple, but why do couples sit side by side in a booth when eating dinner? I can see if there was another couple with them – but it was JUST the two of them!! Um, hello? Maybe I’m jaded and just seeing couples makes me a teensy bit jealous, but still, this just doesn’t seem right to me. Sitting next to each other at a bar, yes, that is fine – but at a table or booth – it seems like they’re on a bus bench or something. OK – so I AM jealous because I want to be in a relationship right now – but even if I was with Mr. Wonderful Tonight, he would be sitting ACROSS the booth from me – not next to me – I needs my space people!!

What are your thoughts??

What up Dawg?

Halloween can't come soon enough for poor Daisy . . .

Ohhh - but then the Santa Hats will be out!!! Maybe then, I'll be able to come up with something to write about.