Fuddy Duddy, Old Lady, GROWN-UP.... sigh.....

It's official. I've become one of those, oh God, I don't even want to say it. Ok, so I'll just whisper it ok? Ready? *Deep Breath* I'm OLD. No, I've become one of those older people. You know the ones, when discussing today's youth, they start sentences with phrases like "in my day" and "when I was his/her age." But today, I did it. I was talking with my SIL discussing my nephew and I said it. I said "his generation just doesn't want to work like my generation did." Dear God and baby Jesus - where in the FFFFFFFFFFFFF did that come from? And, when will the "I used to walk to school every day UPHILL both ways" line come out?

Then, later tonight I was driving to my SIL's house and as I cruised down her street (while talking to my BFF on the phone - see? I'm not THAT old) these KIDS (probably like 14-15ish) were riding dirt bikes or mini bikes on.the.road. (which is ILLEGAL in my hometown) (I know this b/c I did the EXACT SAME THING when I was 15).

Anyway, they were coming right at me, they didn't even pick one side of the road - I had to drive RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE! So, as I'm talking with my friend, I yell at these kids "it's ILLEGAL to ride those on the street!" I. am. my. dad. And - this is not a good thing in any way -shape - or -form.

Yeah, they just looked at me like I was some crazy old-no fun having - person. Which is probably what I did when:

I. was. their. age.

Oh God, make it stop!

Turning the economic downturn into an upbeat road trip!

So.... being unemployed DOES have it's perks. For one thing, I have all this time on my hands to do virtually anything (within my limited budget) I want to.

Well, Tuesday - I decided that I wanted to meet the FABULOUS Jen Lancaster - the author of 3 and now 4 of my favorite books:

Bitter is the New Black - Confessions of a Condescending, Egomanical, self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office.
Bright Lights, Big Ass - A Self-indulgent, Surly Ex-Sorority Girl's guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who Are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?
Such a Pretty Fat - Or, Why Pie is Not the Answer.

And her newest book:
Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or The Wonder Years Befoee the Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase

- which went on sale YESTERDAY at Borders everywhere. And, in Birmingham, MI where I (and my also unemployed blogger palio - Cookie) got to meet and greet with the FABULOUS Jen herself - and got my VERY OWN COPY - SIGNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (how cool is THAT?)

I soooooooooooooooo couldn't have done THAT if I was still working, well, without taking a few vacation days. And - it VIRTUALLY cost me NOTHING - How? you ask? Well, because of FORMER job - where I traveled MY ASS off - I earned a ton of hotel points - so I was able to get my hotel room for FREE. Said hotel not only offered a FREE breakfast in the morning, but on Tuesday afternoon/evening when we got there? They were also offering FREE dinner too! How about THAT for the non-working girls?!?

It was soooooo much fun! It was an 80's themed party and I was TOTALLY rocking my BIG HAIR, BRIGHT BLUE Eye shadow and Polo Shirt with the collar TOTALLY FLIPPED UP and of COURSE - my Pegged Pants and Penny Loafers!! I was like, Oh MY GOD - soooooooooo cute!

See, I'll show you:

But wait! There's more! This morning, after our FREE breakfast, we headed to the MOTHER SHIP (Ikea - for those of you that don't read my blog) where I had to return several things that I had previously purchased but have decided that I just changed my mind about didn't want/need them - so I got a GIFT CARD/STORE CREDIT to spend in IKEA (I consider this FREE money - since said purchases were made when I WAS working and had a disposable income). So, I got to do a little shopping at IKEA - and it didn't affect my checkbook AT ALL - so that's a win in my book.

Then, on the way home - we stopped off at Tony Packo's for a YUMMY lunch.

All in all - an UPBEAT and FABULOUS road trip able to be had because of the economic downturn...


Enjoy - and I'm sorry, but you'll have to get your own book to check miss Jen out or check her out at: http://www.jennsylvania.com/

Now... I have to get back to my book!!

Oh, and there was this WAY cute boy (too young for me and maybe just a bit to metro sexual for even shopgirl's taste) that was there and waited in the TWO HOUR LONG LINE to get books signed for his SISTER who lives in California. HOW CUTE/QUEER is that????

I heart him for being so sweet to his sissy....

Jobs that I just may not be qualified for.....

Planting Grass - the shopgirls way......

1. Scratch up the ground to prepare for grass seed

2. Spread grass seed evenly to ensure proper seeding

3. Cover seed with light cover of top soil and hay.

4. Take your time Blocking off area (like the better part of a Sunday afternoon.) to ensure seeds will not be disturbed while grass begins to grow.

5. Explain to two (very cute) dogs that the area is blocked off for a REASON.......

NO, Daisy! I don't think it's cute that you're playing Peek-a-boo with the rope!!

So.... Landscaping? Yeah, it's off the list of new careers....

It’s all about the bennies (benefits that is)

So, it’s been about two and a half months since I was laid off from my job, and sadly I’m still unemployed. But, that’s not what this post is about. Today I want to talk about something that has/is on my mind all.the.time. BENEFITS. Benefits are an important part of any job – I know, I am was a recruiter and I talked these points up during EVERY.INTERVIEW.I. CONDUCTED.

And now, that I’m UNEMPLOYED, it’s ALL.I.THINK ABOUT. Well, that, AND the PAY of my next job (will it be the same or better than my last job or am I going to have to take a cut.) But it’s mostly the benefits. Alright, I think about the Benefits and the “WHEN” I’ll actually LAND a job. Because it would be nice to know how much longer I’ll be sans-job. It would also be nice to get a job while I still have some severance coming it because my bank account could use a much needed boost right about now.

Back to the benefits though. I’ve been doing a LOT of thinking about the benefits. What will my benefits be like at my next job? Because this time around? I’m making sure I get a “great” package.

Of course I’ll want:

· Medical
· Dental
· Vision
· 401(k) – well, maybe – we’ll see how the stock market is doing.
· Stock options
· Flexible Spending Account
· Hmmm.. travel … but maybe a little less than the last job.
· Telecommuting
· Flexible schedules
· FAT Expense Account

Ok… so the last three would be nice to have but aren’t deal breakers.

Now, on the other hand, being un-employed DOES have some benefits. Don’t believe me?

Look what the girls and I got to do today, on April 2, 2009 in OHIO where the weather was a BALMY 70 degrees!!

I was out catching some rays too - even got myself a sun burn too - but I'll spare you the pics - as I'm not "picture perfect" yet. You'd think with all this "time" on my hands, I'd be little miss work out queen - guess my walks are not working the cardio as well I'd like. Guess I'll have to work on that, and well... my tan!

This wonderful moment in the sun with my poochers was brought to you by the state of the unemployed.....

I'm back (and, at warp speed!)

Woo-hoo! I've got my computer back!!! No more sitting in a library that needs to be patrolled by POLICE!! Sheesh - I thought I lived in bo-dunk city, OHIO - not Compton or something like that from the movies... (I'm such a white girl.....)

Anyhoodle - I'm back - for a minute anyway - just to say "hey!" and brag a little about my "computer fixing" experience. This guy that I took my computer too, fixed/cleaned out and added more memory to my computer and has me all current on the latest and greatest software updates and he did it all for under $40 and 2 days!! I just love when I get a bargain AND excellent customer service!!

Seriously - my computer is O.L.D. and if I had the money (and a job) I'd just go buy a new computer - because I really want a lap top now - but for $40 (instead of $500+) I have a faster computer than I did 2 days ago and I got the nicest guy ever to fix my computer. He did the same thing for my dad's computer for only $20!! (mine needed and got, more memory.)

So - now I can upload, download and blog blog blog at the speed of light (well as fast as the internet connection, that I can afford right now, will let me) - all in the privacy and SAFETY of my own house!! I too, have a security system in my house - no gun toting law man -but I have these two security features that will protect their master on command:

Yeah, they look all cute and cuddly - but look at THESE choppers: (BTW: it's the LITTLE puppy that instigates all the fighting with Daisy....)

But, SERIOUSLY? Here's how they REALLY feel about being on GUARD DUTY:

What could be worse than losing your job and the only interaction with peeps is via the internet?

Well, for starters? NOT having your computer for THREE WHOLE DAYS!!! So, I'm sitting here at the library on a S L O W internet connection trying to log onto my blogger account and checking emails and it's literally like watching paint dry.... Seriously I know that the internet is FREE and all here at the library - but does it have to be this SLOW?? And, I know I really have NO WHERE TO BE right now -being jobless and all, but that doesn't mean I have ANY MORE PATIENCE. Oh well, I think I get my computer back tomorrow and woo hoo it will have MORE memory and the guy tells me that it's running a WHOLE LOT FASTER!!!

I wish I could install a memory chip into my pretty little head and make my old lathargic ass move a little faster - wouldn't that be great?? I also wish that I could remove about 100 pounds of useless fat from my ass and my gut, but hey, if I'm dreaming? I'm going to go big. Speaking of big - I'd get new boobs too. Not bigger - just perkier. Whoa - sorry, maybe that was a little to much TMI for a Friday and in a PUBLIC LIBRARY no less, sorry - sometimes I just type the randomness that is in my pretty little head.

Today I'm at a nicer library (not the one in my hood.) Here, people are ACTUALLY quiet. The Library in my hood? Actually has a COP on duty - given the look of the clientele yesterday... I pretty much understand, but seriously - when did they have to have POLICE OFFICERS in the public library? I live in a small town - or so I thought, but I guess it's not a crime free town. Sad - can't even go to the library and feel safe. Or maybe you can - since the "law" is there.

Well this post is pretty much going nowhere - I just felt like I had to get some of these really meaningless thoughts out of my head and since I was sitting in front of a computer (even though it's not mine) I thought I'd unload here.

A better post will follow - I promise...

Where do I even start . . .

It's been sooooo long since I've posted here - I'm not even sure I know how to do it anymore. Awwww... who am I kidding - it's like a bicycle (or sex) no matter how long it's been, once you're back in the saddle - it all comes back - um right? Well, maybe - because it's been a LONG time since I've been on a bike and well, about the same amount of time for the other since I've blogged. YIKES!!

Well, lets see here - what's been going on in Shopgirls' world?

Unemployment:
Ok - so minus the fact that I'm earning a paycheck - I am enjoying my time at home. I wish I could hit the lottery or something or wish my house was paid off -because, I think I could be really good at this "stay at home" gig. The "shopgirl time" (well, minus the actual SHOPPING) is AWESOME and plentiful - WAY, WAY better than my last gig - where I only had weekends off and no Personal Time Off at all, however, the benefits and the actual pay well, to put it bluntly - SUCK ASS. But this year? On St. Patty's Day? I didn't have to use ANY vacay time and I got to party at my leisure. How great is that??

This past month in Ohio has also been VERY SUNNY - some days were even down-right WARM too - I got to enjoy EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!! I've worked in my yard, walked my dogs and have visited friends in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY!!!

Oh - and MIGRAINES?? I don't think I've had ONE since January 21st!!! (my PAROLE date of the former job) Hmmm.... connection? I think so!!

Oh,, and NAPS!!! Why oh why did I fight NAPS when I was little? NAPS are AWESOME!!! Especially around 1 or 2 in the afternoon and with a dog on each side of me in bed.... AWESOME.... Why don't they have Nap time in Corporate America? Well, they do - they're called MEETINGS but why is the actual "napping" frowned upon? I guarantee - if we could actually NAP for the HOUR PLUS bull-shit meeting the EXACT same results would be reached.

The job-hunt:
Well, I have no funny stories about resume searches -because, like I stated - I'm UNEMPLOYED and no longer have access to review resumes and look at the silly reasons people list for leaving or ridicule their incredible spelling errors. My resume, however, is posted ON. EVERY. SINGLE. WEBSITE. OUT.THERE. (Hopefully, error free and "recruiters making fun of me"-free.) I am interviewing this week so that's a good thing. Hopefully something will come of that.

Dental DisPleasure:
Today, I went to the dentist. Usually this is not blog-worthy, however, this was a new dentist and can I just tell you? I think I'm in LOVE with this dentist. Not because he's hot or anything like that - because he's not. It's because, this is the first time in my 30+ years of going to the dentist (I have REALLY bad teeth - even though I brush and floss regularly), that I ALMOST - ENJOYED my visit!! I know! AND, I even had TWO cavities filled!!!

Ok - I know, you are nuts shopgirl -but listen, I usually end up crying like a big fat baby when I'm in the dentist chair. Not because I'm scared or anything -it's usually the pain and believe it or not - I have a small mouth (shut up now, Dave) and to keep it open (seriously Dave, shut up) for them to fill a cavity? My TMJ goes into overload and I'm just in total pain. Ok - so I still freaked the fuck out a little bit today when he gave me the "shot of Novocaine" but after that, it was a BREEZE.

They had this thing-a-ma-bob that propped my mouth open and had a light in it so the dentist could see AND it had a suction thing on it so I didn't gag the entire time. It was FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!!! My doc filled those two cavities AND took several molds of my mouth (I'm getting a LOT of dental work done) in less than an HOUR!! AND??? my jaw didn't hurt at all AND I had no headache from it all AND?? No tears!!! OMG - is this how going to the dentist is supposed to be??

You see, I used to go to this NAZI other dentist who was just PURE EVIL... He was is a total PRICK and has this "I'm God" attitude. I should have switched dentists a long long time ago, but honestly, I'm just too lazy and even though he's a douche-bag, he was a pretty good dentist and in all my years of going to the dentist? I've never, ever had a "pleasant" doctor - EVER. So, today?? I can't even tell you how AWESOME it was.

And - you know what's even better? This dentist that I went to? It's my OLD dentists' back up doctor. I only found him because while my prick dentist was out of town, I had a problem and called this new guy - and the old secretary picked up and we started talking and she told me that I should come see this guy from now on. She left the old dentist to go work for this guy and so did another gal from the office - it's hysterical!! And, I'm not the only patient that has "secretly" left the old prick to go to the new and improved one!!

Puppyhood:
I've changed my puppers name AGAIN. This time I think it's for good. Her name is Sassafras - or Sassy for short. It's because she IS little Miss Sassypants. Every. Time. I. Tell. Her. No... she "sasses" back at me!! So, Sassy suits her just fine. She is soooooooooooooooo smart tooo!! She is pretty much house broken/potty trained (no.... she doesn't use the potty) she just knows NOT to potty in the house. But, if she DOES have to potty, she uses the puppy pads (4x4 maxi pads - that I wish I would have invented because I'd be rich - and I could stay at home!). She enjoys driving Miss Daisy absolutely bonkers, and I thoroughly enjoy this to no end.... They (Sassy and Daisy) are soooo stinking fun to watch it absolutely makes my day to see them play and romp and wrestle with each other.

Sassy had her first vet visit last week. Not cheap - thank God I only have one more round of shots (for a while anyway) and hopefully I'll be gainfully employed (or will hit those lottery numbers) by the time she needs "fixed" or else I may be taking up a collection.

Well, that's all for now... I guess I should prepare myself for my interview tomorrow, because I DO have to get back to work..... eventually anyway..