So tonight - I was in what is frighteningly becoming my usual PISSED OFF and altogether not-happy mood. I decided, that my sad self would just stay in (even though it IS a Friday night) with a few movies. Because of said mood, I opted to avoid the generally crowded movie store and decided to think er, rent, out of the box. RED-BOX that is.
Now, when these RED-BOXES started appearing in my area some time ago (or when I finally realized what the hell that big red box WAS outside of my grocery store) I thought that they were the coolest things. EVAH. I mean, these things were GENIOUS! Because now? I don't have advertise that I'm alone while I browse the movie selection at my local Blockbuster on a Friday or Saturday night (or any other night of the week, thank you very much.) And? At a buck a movie? I can rent several movies, and if they're lame? So what? It's only a buck.
That was then, this is now. And now? We can successfully put yet one more thing in the "Things that PISS OFF Shopgirl on a regular basis" column tonight. Why do you ask? At this point, MOST of my friends probably wouldn't EVEN ask the WHY part, seeing as so.many.things.seem to rattle my cage these days.
It all comes down to etiquette. Yes, I think that there needs to be some sort of RED-BOX ETIQUETTE created since we have become a nation (world even) of rude and obnoxious and basically 'I only care about me' people/renters. Seriously? One Nation Under God? More like: My Nation... now go fuck yourself.
Anyhoodle.. after almost losing my mind tonight waiting for the incompetent CRACKHEADS that are, at this very moment, probably either A: creating a meth-lab in my very neighborhood that will likely explode and ultimately leave me and those within a 3 block radius homeless, or B: creating their legacy that will ultimately bring the world to an end. I came up with these quick and simple rules for renting out of RED-BOX:
1. If you don't even know how to turn on your computer at home, use an ATM machine or even know how to swipe your credit card at the grocery store without some sort of assistance? RED-BOX is.not.for.you.
2. Please have some sort of an idea of the movie you want to rent BEFORE you get to the box. I beg of you, if you want to read about each.and.every movie - Go online to http://www.redbox.com/Titles/AvailableTitles.aspx where you can search, read and review all the movie titles in the comfort of your home without holding Shopgirl anyone up in line. RESERVATIONS can even be made on-line so that you can - like the RED-BOX website states: FIND YOUR MOVIE, SWIPE YOUR CARD, GRAB IT and GO.
Go for.the.love.of GOD! just GO! Now, if there is no line - then, by all means, take all the time in your little world. I don't care - because I'm not there.... WAITING.
3. If you choose to ignore step two? Don't be upset or give me the one-eye, when I start to sigh, jingle my car keys, cough, tap dance, jump up and down, make strange faces, twitch, have a full-on anxiety attack (I think you get the picture) after we've reached the 15 minute mark. You're just selecting a movie, not your soul mate - you can return this movie if it sucks and it will only cost you a buck. Move along please. (Sarcasm AND poetry - yes, I have many talents)
4. Observe that there may be a person or 20 waiting to use the box. Please, even though YOU may have nothing else to do, Shopgirl we might. Review steps 1-3 again. Your transaction, much like one at an ATM, shouldn't take more than 5-10 minutes. (Don't even get me started on those idiots that choose to balance their checkbooks at the ATM.)
5. Now, number 5 may be take a lot of people out of their comfort zone - but check this out: of those 1-20 people waiting in line? Some of them, may actually only want to RETURN a movie - which (if competent) should only take like a minute, AND they may actually be returning a movie that YOU want. It would be in your best interest to let these folks go ahead of you. But, in the non-verbal, text-only, chat-room world that we now reside, you may actually have to SPEAK to these people. It's an outdated/old-fashioned concept, I know - actually "talking" to someone but I promise, it's like riding a bicycle, the process will come back you.
5. Now, number 5 may be take a lot of people out of their comfort zone - but check this out: of those 1-20 people waiting in line? Some of them, may actually only want to RETURN a movie - which (if competent) should only take like a minute, AND they may actually be returning a movie that YOU want. It would be in your best interest to let these folks go ahead of you. But, in the non-verbal, text-only, chat-room world that we now reside, you may actually have to SPEAK to these people. It's an outdated/old-fashioned concept, I know - actually "talking" to someone but I promise, it's like riding a bicycle, the process will come back you.
Got any other suggestions? Leave 'em in my comments section - let's pass it along to Redbox and see if they post it on their machines!!
Now excuse me, while I go make some popcorn....
