Friday, August 8, 2008

Scary Mary . . . oh you poor girl . . .

Do you remember the scene from “The Breakfast Club” where Molly Ringwald’s and Alley Sheedy’s characters are re-doing Alley’s makeup? Ok – so I ‘m showing my age here since I believe this movie is like almost 20 years old now and, have you seen the JC Penney advertisement that mimics the whole running through the hall scene? Anyway – back to my story.

Do you remember when Molly says to Alley – “you look so much better without all the black shit on your eyes” to which Alley retorts “I like that black shit”? Well, I think I met Alley’s mom, Mary, today. Just back from the local Wal-mart in Akron, Dee-Marie ( and I met Mary while we were on our lunch break.

Poor Mary, she needs a good girlfriend to tell her that a little makeup goes a long way and not the other way around. Mary or Scary Mary, as I’ve lovingly re-named her, is a horrific mess. She’s Mary Kay on Crack. You know how you can’t look away from a train wreck? THAT’s Scary Mary.

First let’s start with the Orange lipstick - yes, I said Orange – not coral – but Crayola Crayon Orange. (And, let’s be honest here – it was more so on her chin than her lips.) Second, was the eyeliner – and let me tell you – Mary, er Scary, took this one LITERALLY. Her ENTIRE eyelid (top and bottom) was outlined and it was a THICK outline – not a thin little line. The pièce de résistance, however, were her painted on eyebrows. I have to give Mary props though, because they WERE arched perfectly, however, they were not-so-natural-brown in color.

If I could, I would have taken her picture – but you’ll just have to take my word for it – the woman truly is a train wreck only this one you CAN look away from. I honestly just wanted to go back and grab some make up re-mover wipes and scrub her face until it squeaked. Oy! Her skin must be screaming for air underneath all of that make-up.


  1. She sure was special!!!!!! I just finished my post too! :) Maybe next time we can just pick up some makeup remover and leave it in the bag rounder (subtle hint???)...

  2. I never understand that! Doesn't it FEEL weird!?

  3. Dude, I know the horror of which you speak! In my hometown there was this cashier at the grocery store who used to pluck her eyebrows until they were completely GONE, and then pencil fake ones in like an inch higher than her natural brows. And then? They would start to grow back so that there was a crazy 4-brow thing going on. Oh, give me a monobrow over the 4-brow any day of the WEEK!


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