Dave: So I got a video out from the library on the wives of our US Presidents and the first one I watched was Dolly Madison.
Me: You mean the cupcake?
Dave: Um, the fourth President of the United States - James Madison - his wife?
Me: Oh. Did they name the cupcake after her? I could totally go for a cupcake right now...
Seriously... I don't know how I even passed High School, much less, got into college.....
But doesn't a cupcake sound good right now???
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Me and Dave is like Peas and Carrots....
Last week I went on vacation to visit my sister for her 50th birthday. As mentioned in my previous post, she is my much OLDER sister, double digit older to be exact. Ha! Just teasing with you sis! well, the older part IS true but LUFF U!
Anyhoodle, my flight left on Monday morning at 10:30am, which wouldn’t have been a big deal if I didn’t have to work the previous night at the bar until 2:30 am. At some point Sunday night/Monday early morning I sent a text to Dave, who was dropping me off at the airport in the morning, to pick me up one of those 5-Hour Energy drinks because I was pretty sure I was going to need it.
Monday morning comes and I drag my tired butt outta bed and pack the last of my things and Dave is waiting in my drive at 9:00 am with Energy Drink in hand. We’re not even out of my driveway and I’ve downed the shot to make sure I get my energy on. A little back story here, I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON IN ANY WAY.SHAPE.OR.FORM. Dave? Lately? Is. He also goes to bed before most toddlers even go to bed and I have always been a night owl. Example: It’s 1:45AM as I’m writing this.
Back to my point (I have one I promise). I figured Monday morning he’d be all “are you excited about your vacay?” or “I can’t wait to properly train those things you call your dogs” getting me all worked up because I’d be tired and cranky, but it was the complete opposite. I don’t know if it was the energy drink or not, but by the time we had gotten on the highway (which was about 5 minutes after we left my house) I was moving (and talking) at mach 10 and he looked like he had just come off an all night binge. He told me that he hadn’t slept at all the night before and he? was.not.happy. about that. Meanwhile, I’m like the speed racer of conversation. A lot of run-on sentences and conversations (giving him the entire play by play of the night before at the bar.) and by his complete silence and ignoring of me, I could tell I was a little more annoying than my usual self.
I’m finishing my detailed instructions on how to properly pamper my pooches while I’m gone as he turns into the airport entrance. As he enters the designated "departing flights" area I notice the car in front of us license plate reads: “1892” and because I’m conversing at the speed of light, I say out-loud “In 1892 Columbus sailed the ocean blue” and giggle/smirk at Dave because I’m all 'how smart am I right now on only 3ish hours of sleep?'
As I wait for him to applaud my smartness (more back story here: he’s Nerdy Mc. Reads-a-lot-of history stuff, and I’m more of a weekend Real Housewives marathon kinda girl). Anyway, he just looks at me and says “Tell me you know the correct year (that Columbus sailed the ocean blue).” - I HAVE to say the whole thing - I don't know why....
Crickets. I start to think. “It was 1892 that Columbus sailed the ocean blue (see?) wasn’t it? There’s even that stupid Kellogg’s Frosted Wheat commercial – it WAS 1892 because that little wheat guy said it right? And really? Why would someone have a license plate that said 1892? I hate it when people have license plates that you can't figure out! (I may be a little ADHD) OMG. I really, really don’t know when Columbus sailed the damn ocean blue!!. I need to focus, I have a plane to catch and I have got to KNOW the answer.
Trying to concentrate, I sit there as he pulls up to the curb and gets out. I get my ID and boarding pass together and get out of the truck. At this point he is not only tired, but now annoyed, disgusted and just plain irritated with me. He basically heaves my suitcase onto the curb and gets back in his truck to take off.
I’m still thinking about Columbus as I grab my suit case and start to head into the airport, then I see all these people who are getting dropped off just like me. Some of them are hugging and kissing good-bye. All of a sudden I realize that I’m leaving and won’t see him for like 5 days. I turn and yell for him to stop. I race to the passenger side of his truck and say to him: “Wait!
.
.
.
.
When DID Columbus sail the ocean blue?"
He just looks at me with this face and says: “It was 1492 you fucking dumbass!” and drives off.
Phew! That would have been one.long.plane-ride.
Anyhoodle, my flight left on Monday morning at 10:30am, which wouldn’t have been a big deal if I didn’t have to work the previous night at the bar until 2:30 am. At some point Sunday night/Monday early morning I sent a text to Dave, who was dropping me off at the airport in the morning, to pick me up one of those 5-Hour Energy drinks because I was pretty sure I was going to need it.
Monday morning comes and I drag my tired butt outta bed and pack the last of my things and Dave is waiting in my drive at 9:00 am with Energy Drink in hand. We’re not even out of my driveway and I’ve downed the shot to make sure I get my energy on. A little back story here, I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON IN ANY WAY.SHAPE.OR.FORM. Dave? Lately? Is. He also goes to bed before most toddlers even go to bed and I have always been a night owl. Example: It’s 1:45AM as I’m writing this.
Back to my point (I have one I promise). I figured Monday morning he’d be all “are you excited about your vacay?” or “I can’t wait to properly train those things you call your dogs” getting me all worked up because I’d be tired and cranky, but it was the complete opposite. I don’t know if it was the energy drink or not, but by the time we had gotten on the highway (which was about 5 minutes after we left my house) I was moving (and talking) at mach 10 and he looked like he had just come off an all night binge. He told me that he hadn’t slept at all the night before and he? was.not.happy. about that. Meanwhile, I’m like the speed racer of conversation. A lot of run-on sentences and conversations (giving him the entire play by play of the night before at the bar.) and by his complete silence and ignoring of me, I could tell I was a little more annoying than my usual self.
I’m finishing my detailed instructions on how to properly pamper my pooches while I’m gone as he turns into the airport entrance. As he enters the designated "departing flights" area I notice the car in front of us license plate reads: “1892” and because I’m conversing at the speed of light, I say out-loud “In 1892 Columbus sailed the ocean blue” and giggle/smirk at Dave because I’m all 'how smart am I right now on only 3ish hours of sleep?'
As I wait for him to applaud my smartness (more back story here: he’s Nerdy Mc. Reads-a-lot-of history stuff, and I’m more of a weekend Real Housewives marathon kinda girl). Anyway, he just looks at me and says “Tell me you know the correct year (that Columbus sailed the ocean blue).” - I HAVE to say the whole thing - I don't know why....
Crickets. I start to think. “It was 1892 that Columbus sailed the ocean blue (see?) wasn’t it? There’s even that stupid Kellogg’s Frosted Wheat commercial – it WAS 1892 because that little wheat guy said it right? And really? Why would someone have a license plate that said 1892? I hate it when people have license plates that you can't figure out! (I may be a little ADHD) OMG. I really, really don’t know when Columbus sailed the damn ocean blue!!. I need to focus, I have a plane to catch and I have got to KNOW the answer.
Trying to concentrate, I sit there as he pulls up to the curb and gets out. I get my ID and boarding pass together and get out of the truck. At this point he is not only tired, but now annoyed, disgusted and just plain irritated with me. He basically heaves my suitcase onto the curb and gets back in his truck to take off.
I’m still thinking about Columbus as I grab my suit case and start to head into the airport, then I see all these people who are getting dropped off just like me. Some of them are hugging and kissing good-bye. All of a sudden I realize that I’m leaving and won’t see him for like 5 days. I turn and yell for him to stop. I race to the passenger side of his truck and say to him: “Wait!
.
.
.
.
When DID Columbus sail the ocean blue?"
He just looks at me with this face and says: “It was 1492 you fucking dumbass!” and drives off.
Phew! That would have been one.long.plane-ride.
Monday, May 17, 2010
For the love of blogging...
Why did I LOVE to blog when I had a job with literally no time at all to blog (unless I was avoiding the work I didn't really enjoy?) and now? now that I'm working less hours (sorta) than I was before (earning a.lot.less.money no less) I can't think of a blooming thing to write about? Also? In my free-ish time, I should consider taking a class on becoming a better writer? My English/Writing teachers would be so proud right now. Ehh? Wadda-ya going to do?
Ok - so this blog is going to be a mish-mosh of all kinds of stuff. You know, stuff that's on my mind lately and my IRL friends probably don't want to hear me talk about - but I think it's kind of important stuff. And? Maybe my migraine will go away if I get it all out of my head? Prolly not, but it's worth a shot, so here goes:
1. Just got back from a 5 day vacation to Naples, FL. Helped my sis celebrate her 50th birthday. (I'm her MUCH MUCH younger sister - seriously I am - it's double digit younger!!)
2. Am really thinking about moving to Florida this fall. It's much to hot there now and throughout the summer months. But come September-October? I'm seriously thinking of becoming "snow-bird" and flying south for winter. My sis says that there's a lot of money in Naples and I think I'm going to try to land a job bartending for the winter months. What do I have to lose? I'm not working a corporate job right now. (not going to say "real job" because going to the bar everyday to serve the drunks their liquour? IS real.)
Also? I just don't think I ever want to go back to a corporate job. At least not right now. Seriously, I got an email while on vacay about a temp/contract job doing what I used to do and while it appealed to me (the money) I actually got a stomach ache just thinking about going back to that life? Is that a sign? And if so, what kind of sign? Is it "I don't want to go back?" or "I could go back and have my old life back again?" I don't know, all I know is I got sick to my stomach and the only thing to calm me down? Was a Pina Colada... (Ok, I'm sure Vodka would have helped too, but when in Rome.....)
3. It's been WELL over a year since I was laid off from my job and this past weekend I saw my former VP and several people from work and even though I wanted to run - I actually did ok - (I was actually there volunteering my photography services for Relay for Life thing) but WHY does everyone still ask "how I'm doing" like I got a death sentence when I lost my job? Uggh!!! It's been over a year and a half people - I have moved on. Please do the same.
4. After a year and a half of NOT working at old job? Former VP knew my name. Find it strangely funny that he didn't know it when I worked there. Hmmmm....
5. This should have probably went with number 1 - while on vacation - I was at the beach and about waist deep in the ocean - just walking and doing some serious thinking about moving down there, etc. etc. and all of a sudden the color of the water changed beside me. I took a closer look and it was a school of about 15-20 stingrays!! It was the most amazing thing I have ever encountered - so cool that I just can't properly describe it. How cool to be that close to "wild animals" in their element. It was serene. We walked/swam down the coast for about 10-15 minutes (which seemed like a longer time) about 1-2 feet away from each other. If I hadn't been at the beach by myself that day, I probably would have tried to actually touch them and "swim with them." but I couldn't get Steve Erwin out of my mind so I kept my distance and just walked with them for as long as they allowed.
6. Did my second photo shoot on my own (and even got paid!) and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. So wish I could have the self esteem that I tell everyone else to have!! I'm my own worst critic and I think I need to let up on this old gal soon before she has a friggin melt down!! But I've been this way for way too long and just don't know how to stop or change.
Back to the photos - they were another set of Senior pics and they were done outside and I think that they turned out AWESOME if I do say so myself - yes, I said AWESOME...
I have a website -but it needs work - I need to call my nephew - he's so much better at this web stuff - I need him to help me with it.
Ok - well, that's all I have for now - plus? I've been at Panera now for almost 3 hours and this is all I've been able to crank out for a blog - so I need to go!
Shopgirl out!
Ok - so this blog is going to be a mish-mosh of all kinds of stuff. You know, stuff that's on my mind lately and my IRL friends probably don't want to hear me talk about - but I think it's kind of important stuff. And? Maybe my migraine will go away if I get it all out of my head? Prolly not, but it's worth a shot, so here goes:
1. Just got back from a 5 day vacation to Naples, FL. Helped my sis celebrate her 50th birthday. (I'm her MUCH MUCH younger sister - seriously I am - it's double digit younger!!)
2. Am really thinking about moving to Florida this fall. It's much to hot there now and throughout the summer months. But come September-October? I'm seriously thinking of becoming "snow-bird" and flying south for winter. My sis says that there's a lot of money in Naples and I think I'm going to try to land a job bartending for the winter months. What do I have to lose? I'm not working a corporate job right now. (not going to say "real job" because going to the bar everyday to serve the drunks their liquour? IS real.)
Also? I just don't think I ever want to go back to a corporate job. At least not right now. Seriously, I got an email while on vacay about a temp/contract job doing what I used to do and while it appealed to me (the money) I actually got a stomach ache just thinking about going back to that life? Is that a sign? And if so, what kind of sign? Is it "I don't want to go back?" or "I could go back and have my old life back again?" I don't know, all I know is I got sick to my stomach and the only thing to calm me down? Was a Pina Colada... (Ok, I'm sure Vodka would have helped too, but when in Rome.....)
3. It's been WELL over a year since I was laid off from my job and this past weekend I saw my former VP and several people from work and even though I wanted to run - I actually did ok - (I was actually there volunteering my photography services for Relay for Life thing) but WHY does everyone still ask "how I'm doing" like I got a death sentence when I lost my job? Uggh!!! It's been over a year and a half people - I have moved on. Please do the same.
4. After a year and a half of NOT working at old job? Former VP knew my name. Find it strangely funny that he didn't know it when I worked there. Hmmmm....
5. This should have probably went with number 1 - while on vacation - I was at the beach and about waist deep in the ocean - just walking and doing some serious thinking about moving down there, etc. etc. and all of a sudden the color of the water changed beside me. I took a closer look and it was a school of about 15-20 stingrays!! It was the most amazing thing I have ever encountered - so cool that I just can't properly describe it. How cool to be that close to "wild animals" in their element. It was serene. We walked/swam down the coast for about 10-15 minutes (which seemed like a longer time) about 1-2 feet away from each other. If I hadn't been at the beach by myself that day, I probably would have tried to actually touch them and "swim with them." but I couldn't get Steve Erwin out of my mind so I kept my distance and just walked with them for as long as they allowed.
6. Did my second photo shoot on my own (and even got paid!) and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. So wish I could have the self esteem that I tell everyone else to have!! I'm my own worst critic and I think I need to let up on this old gal soon before she has a friggin melt down!! But I've been this way for way too long and just don't know how to stop or change.
Back to the photos - they were another set of Senior pics and they were done outside and I think that they turned out AWESOME if I do say so myself - yes, I said AWESOME...
I have a website -but it needs work - I need to call my nephew - he's so much better at this web stuff - I need him to help me with it.
Ok - well, that's all I have for now - plus? I've been at Panera now for almost 3 hours and this is all I've been able to crank out for a blog - so I need to go!
Shopgirl out!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Red Box Renters? or Rude Box Renters.... you tell me....
So tonight - I was in what is frighteningly becoming my usual PISSED OFF and altogether not-happy mood. I decided, that my sad self would just stay in (even though it IS a Friday night) with a few movies. Because of said mood, I opted to avoid the generally crowded movie store and decided to think er, rent, out of the box. RED-BOX that is.
Now, when these RED-BOXES started appearing in my area some time ago (or when I finally realized what the hell that big red box WAS outside of my grocery store) I thought that they were the coolest things. EVAH. I mean, these things were GENIOUS! Because now? I don't have advertise that I'm alone while I browse the movie selection at my local Blockbuster on a Friday or Saturday night (or any other night of the week, thank you very much.) And? At a buck a movie? I can rent several movies, and if they're lame? So what? It's only a buck.
That was then, this is now. And now? We can successfully put yet one more thing in the "Things that PISS OFF Shopgirl on a regular basis" column tonight. Why do you ask? At this point, MOST of my friends probably wouldn't EVEN ask the WHY part, seeing as so.many.things.seem to rattle my cage these days.
It all comes down to etiquette. Yes, I think that there needs to be some sort of RED-BOX ETIQUETTE created since we have become a nation (world even) of rude and obnoxious and basically 'I only care about me' people/renters. Seriously? One Nation Under God? More like: My Nation... now go fuck yourself.
Anyhoodle.. after almost losing my mind tonight waiting for the incompetent CRACKHEADS that are, at this very moment, probably either A: creating a meth-lab in my very neighborhood that will likely explode and ultimately leave me and those within a 3 block radius homeless, or B: creating their legacy that will ultimately bring the world to an end. I came up with these quick and simple rules for renting out of RED-BOX:
1. If you don't even know how to turn on your computer at home, use an ATM machine or even know how to swipe your credit card at the grocery store without some sort of assistance? RED-BOX is.not.for.you.
2. Please have some sort of an idea of the movie you want to rent BEFORE you get to the box. I beg of you, if you want to read about each.and.every movie - Go online to http://www.redbox.com/Titles/AvailableTitles.aspx where you can search, read and review all the movie titles in the comfort of your home without holding Shopgirl anyone up in line. RESERVATIONS can even be made on-line so that you can - like the RED-BOX website states: FIND YOUR MOVIE, SWIPE YOUR CARD, GRAB IT and GO.
Go for.the.love.of GOD! just GO! Now, if there is no line - then, by all means, take all the time in your little world. I don't care - because I'm not there.... WAITING.
3. If you choose to ignore step two? Don't be upset or give me the one-eye, when I start to sigh, jingle my car keys, cough, tap dance, jump up and down, make strange faces, twitch, have a full-on anxiety attack (I think you get the picture) after we've reached the 15 minute mark. You're just selecting a movie, not your soul mate - you can return this movie if it sucks and it will only cost you a buck. Move along please. (Sarcasm AND poetry - yes, I have many talents)
4. Observe that there may be a person or 20 waiting to use the box. Please, even though YOU may have nothing else to do, Shopgirl we might. Review steps 1-3 again. Your transaction, much like one at an ATM, shouldn't take more than 5-10 minutes. (Don't even get me started on those idiots that choose to balance their checkbooks at the ATM.)
5. Now, number 5 may be take a lot of people out of their comfort zone - but check this out: of those 1-20 people waiting in line? Some of them, may actually only want to RETURN a movie - which (if competent) should only take like a minute, AND they may actually be returning a movie that YOU want. It would be in your best interest to let these folks go ahead of you. But, in the non-verbal, text-only, chat-room world that we now reside, you may actually have to SPEAK to these people. It's an outdated/old-fashioned concept, I know - actually "talking" to someone but I promise, it's like riding a bicycle, the process will come back you.
5. Now, number 5 may be take a lot of people out of their comfort zone - but check this out: of those 1-20 people waiting in line? Some of them, may actually only want to RETURN a movie - which (if competent) should only take like a minute, AND they may actually be returning a movie that YOU want. It would be in your best interest to let these folks go ahead of you. But, in the non-verbal, text-only, chat-room world that we now reside, you may actually have to SPEAK to these people. It's an outdated/old-fashioned concept, I know - actually "talking" to someone but I promise, it's like riding a bicycle, the process will come back you.
Got any other suggestions? Leave 'em in my comments section - let's pass it along to Redbox and see if they post it on their machines!!
Now excuse me, while I go make some popcorn....
Monday, March 15, 2010
Just a few things I learned today.
1st thing I learned today: When heading "out" with laptop (Borrowed from the infamous Katie Couric of Akron - seriously? U.Rock.the.CASBAH!) so you can write your blog in a place where you are SURE you will find inspiration? First, find out if the Wi-Fi is FREE (since you're still UNEMPLOYED) Yeah, Starbucks and your $5 Frappa-FUCKING-chino? (that yes, I KNOW I don't need, much less should be splurging on, but if I'm going to use their Wi-fi, I thought, maybe I should buy something from their store? Well, for a 2 hour "pass" to use their Wi-fi is $3.99 plus tax or whatever, I didn't even bother to read all the "other crap" I just took my now purchased Frappachino and left. Starbucks - you suck and I won't be back....)
Next off to Panera, where the Wi-fi is free -but yet, I simply CANNOT go in there with my SB cup - right? Well, I could, but really? Do I want to be that girl? No.I.Do.Not. So, now I'm hopped up on a few quick sips of my Frappachino and I must now buy a Shortbread cookie -because, well have you HAD a Panera Shortbread cookie? You must - one word - YUM! (and the cheapest thing on the menu.) So now my "free" wi-fi experience has cost me a Frappachino AND a cookie (well, and if I'm being honest here) a cup (not a bowl) of soup.
2nd. thing I learned today: DON'T try to find your "writing inspiration place" somewhere where they sell food - you fattie!!! YOU. WILL. WANT. TO. EAT.... AND EAT..... AND EAT SOME MORE. (Even though you had lunch with mom and dad four hours ago (well, four hours IS a long time -BUT, the cookie/frappa debacle should have sufficed until you got home.
3rd thing I learned today: I HAVE ADHD. I cannot concentrate on my own thing without listening to every.other.thing.going.on.around.me. GAWD - those people that hear "voices" - I feel for you.
4th thing I learned today: Bring headphones next time. Everyone else with a laptop here? also wearing earphones - I OBVIOUSLY didn't get the memo and am so.behind. the.times. when it comes to Wi-fiing out in the open public.
5th thing I learned today: Be a little less OBVIOUS when eavesdropping on public in very.public.place.
I soooooo got busted listening to and staring at random girl telling boyfriend she couldn't believe she got a DUI last week.(just to be clear, I was listening to stupid girl and staring at her HAWT boyfriend - not good anyway you look at it, I know, but I just wanted to clarify.)
6th thing I learned today: People will talk about ANYTHING in public place. Seriously? Reality TV so does not compare to what you can overhear in a Panera.... I am now considering canceling my cable service (since I'm still unemployed) and hanging out here for my entertainment.
7th and last thing I learned (well at least while at Panera) today: I really, really need to get my camera back out - there are some pretty cool pictures here and they are of BAGELS. Seriously? Panera Bread PAID for this "artwork." The unemployed Shopgirl with her$500 very nice DSLR camera at home? Could take better pictures.
Ok - I'm outta here - it's finally warm(er) in Ohio and I'm going to take poochers for walk!
Ciao Babies!!
Next off to Panera, where the Wi-fi is free -but yet, I simply CANNOT go in there with my SB cup - right? Well, I could, but really? Do I want to be that girl? No.I.Do.Not. So, now I'm hopped up on a few quick sips of my Frappachino and I must now buy a Shortbread cookie -because, well have you HAD a Panera Shortbread cookie? You must - one word - YUM! (and the cheapest thing on the menu.) So now my "free" wi-fi experience has cost me a Frappachino AND a cookie (well, and if I'm being honest here) a cup (not a bowl) of soup.
2nd. thing I learned today: DON'T try to find your "writing inspiration place" somewhere where they sell food - you fattie!!! YOU. WILL. WANT. TO. EAT.... AND EAT..... AND EAT SOME MORE. (Even though you had lunch with mom and dad four hours ago (well, four hours IS a long time -BUT, the cookie/frappa debacle should have sufficed until you got home.
3rd thing I learned today: I HAVE ADHD. I cannot concentrate on my own thing without listening to every.other.thing.going.on.around.me. GAWD - those people that hear "voices" - I feel for you.
4th thing I learned today: Bring headphones next time. Everyone else with a laptop here? also wearing earphones - I OBVIOUSLY didn't get the memo and am so.behind. the.times. when it comes to Wi-fiing out in the open public.
5th thing I learned today: Be a little less OBVIOUS when eavesdropping on public in very.public.place.
I soooooo got busted listening to and staring at random girl telling boyfriend she couldn't believe she got a DUI last week.(just to be clear, I was listening to stupid girl and staring at her HAWT boyfriend - not good anyway you look at it, I know, but I just wanted to clarify.)
6th thing I learned today: People will talk about ANYTHING in public place. Seriously? Reality TV so does not compare to what you can overhear in a Panera.... I am now considering canceling my cable service (since I'm still unemployed) and hanging out here for my entertainment.
7th and last thing I learned (well at least while at Panera) today: I really, really need to get my camera back out - there are some pretty cool pictures here and they are of BAGELS. Seriously? Panera Bread PAID for this "artwork." The unemployed Shopgirl with her
Ok - I'm outta here - it's finally warm(er) in Ohio and I'm going to take poochers for walk!
Ciao Babies!!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Hey Jealousy....
Why are we jealous? Is it an in bread character trait or do we develop and hone this “quality?” I always thought it was just me and my own personal failure to keep my feelings under control. I have always been envious (read jealous) of those individuals that never seem to let their insecurities get the best of them and ultimately get jealous over someone else. It doesn’t matter what it is, I am and always have been jealous of everyone.else.around.me. The proverbial grass is always greener on the other side of my life.
Lately, my jealousy is getting worse. Combined with the depression that I seem to be drowning in, I don’t even think a full on cruise ship, much less a life boat, could pull me out of my utter jealous depressed funk. Hi. My name is Shopgirl, and I am a jealous-aholic. Currently, I am jealous of the bartender that I work with. She is younger than me – by like 16+ years. (How is she even OLD enough to serve drinks? Oh yeah, that’s right, because I’m a god-damn fossil, that’s how.) I’m jealous that she’s skinny - and yes, she IS skinny even though Dave you say she’s not. She is skinnier than me and that’s what makes me insane. Hell, YOU are skinnier than me! Do you know how INSANE that makes me? Yes, I believe you do.
Even as I write this, I look over it and can see how dumb (for lack of a better word) that I’m being. So what, that this girl is skinnier than me? I could do something about it. Like for instance, I could put the pasta fork down and step away from the garlic bread. But we all know that I won’t do that. But, what is the worst part of all of this is that I’m jealous of her because of something so superficial. She is biggest dumb-ass that I have ever met. She can’t add or subtract (shut up, I can count change back – most of the time.) She dropped out of some sort of makeup/facial College
So, when I’m feeling down, why can’t I pump myself up? I have two college degrees, granted, I could be a doctor based on how long it took me to get those two degrees, but none the less, I have them. I have owned my own house for over 10 years, and even right now, being unemployed I’m able to pay all of my bills.
Yet, when I’m feeling down or that jealous feeling spreads throughout my body, all I can concentrate on is that she’s younger and skinnier than me. It doesn’t help when my friend calls me right before I go in for my shift to tell me how much money she’s made in tips, or how everyone is so anxious to help her. When I’m there? Yeah, I’m pretty much left to my own devices. No help for the old fat broad, but the young, ditzy skinny bitch? Gets.all.the.attention. Bitter? YES I AM.
Again, I could look at it from a different angle, like, I’m left alone because I know what the FUCK I’m doing and I can count money and my drawer is never (well up until lately) off. (yes, I had a bad day with the cash drawer – off by $20 – it was a busy day and I’m sure I just counted change back incorrectly, but here we go – I have ONE MORE thing to beat myself up for.)
But, do I look at all the good that is going on in my life? No. I, Shopgirl, could never think like that. Instead, I choose to wallow in my own depression/jealous/bitter filled cesspool of emotion. Why? Why do I do that? And, more importantly, if I was being told this story by any of my girlfriends I would LITERALLY kick their asses (or the stupid bitch of a bartender that’s making her so sad) and tell her that she not only rocks but she’s the best thing in the world and that skanky bitch has nothing on her. (and for a small price, could be made to disappear. – I’m just saying.) But, I can’t do it for myself. WHY??
For those of you that still come to see what Shopgirl is up to, leave your thoughts on jealousy and share with me if you’ve ever been in this kind of situation. What have you done? I’m not fishing for compliments here (although – YOU could quit pushing my buttons every.chance.you.get.) just leave your thoughts….
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy a “boob” shirt. If I can’t beat (maime) her, then I’m going to pullout the “girls” and work what my momma gave me….. I need the tip money!!
Ta-ta!!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas to all from Shopgirl, Daisy Dog and Sassy Girl....
To all (one) of my blog readers - well, those who comment anyway, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and share with you my Christmas Card (you know, since I don't have your address and all...)
Don't they just look sooooooooooo happy to have their "elf ears" on? What-ev, they got an entire bag of Chips Ahoy for this picture - they are Spoiled Elves!!
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