Thursday, June 12, 2008

Man oh Man . . .

You want me, you don't want me. When I want you, you're 'seeing someone new' and "just don't want to go back down that road again."

Oh yeah? What ROAD is that? The one where you see me for a few months, talk about vacations and trips we'll never take? Then, just as I regain my self confidence and start to enjoy our time together, you disappear for God knows how long and I'm left to recover again.

I FINALLY got you out of my system AND my cell phone (no more drunken dialing for me) and what happens? I get an email from you and it starts it all over again. . .

I hate you.

That's why I deleted your email and blocked you from sending any others.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Is it just me or do I need to up my medication?

When I graduated from High School (about 5 or so years ago) I was voted one of the "Most Friendliest" in the school. This was LONG before Prozac, Celexia, Xanax or any other mood altering drug was available at your local pharmacy. Today, however, I think I'd be voted "Most Likely to Climb Over The Counter and Punch Your Stupid Face In Because You Didn't Say Thank You For Spending Your Hard Earned Money, Thus Giving Me A Reason To Have A Job As A Cashier Here." Do you think I should talk with someone about my feelings towards the incompetent cashiers/flight attendants/wait staff/any retail clerk out there that just wants to irritate me? Or is it just me? Maybe I'm getting old and becoming one of those "old folks" who say things like "when I was a kid, you'd never speak to a customer/adult/man/woman like that. Oh shit. I've become my dad. Seriously though, I think my FABULOUS job that takes me from one coast to the next, on a pretty frequent flyer basis, has jaded me for life.

My job, as a recruiter, is to travel this DIVERSE country and help recruit "top talent" for our new stores that we open every year. (I don't get paid NEARLY enough to endure the "top talent" out there.) On any given Monday through Wednesday I am usually in one mall or Lifestyle Center looking for this "top talent" in hopes to; 1. see this talented individual actually provide superior customer service and 2. actually sell something to ANY customer that walks into their store. This sounded REALLY glamorous when I signed up for this gig, especially since I was a bonafide shopaholic and I figured I'd get my fix so many times a month it would surely keep that monkey off my back.

In actuality it is usually an 8-10 hour day that literally sucks the life right out of me. I don't even know where to begin explaining to anyone the amount of retardation we have in our society. Like yesterday for example, I went to the Barnes and Noble bookstore to find a book that was recommended on one of the blogs I follow. I got to the store, looked it up on their computer (all by myself I might add, since NOBODY was anywhere to be found to help me), and discovered that it was indeed in-stock and in the store and located in a section marked "BRG -BKS." Since I'm not fluent in Barnesandnoble-ese, I headed to the "Customer Service Desk" to ask for help. First off, lets just call this desk what it really is. It's the "I care more about what my co-workers think of the V-cast features on my brand new cell phone that my over indulging mommy and daddy bought me last week, than I do about helping a customer find a book - desk."

After hearing all the latest ringtones on Johnny's new phone, I asked him what BRG-BKS meant and he said (while pointing )that the book was located in the bargain section in the middle of the store. I then, GASP, asked him if he could actually help me find it and of course I got a "look" and it took every ounce of energy I had left NOT to fucking tackle him right there. So, Johnny leads me over to where this book is supposed to be and of course it's not there. But do you know what IS there? A Calvin and Hobbes book that Johnny picks up and starts to thumb through. Impatiently I ask Johnny if perhaps I looked it up in the computer wrong and if there was a way we could look it up again. Translation "hey fucknub do you think you could tear yourself away from the comic book long enough to actually provide me ANY customer service?" Johnny's response? "Oh yeah, there are computers over there (more pointing) and YOU can look it up again." Seriously, had there not been a security person from the shopping center in the store at the time, I honestly don't know what I would have done.

I walk away and thank him for his help (sarcastically) and head back to the computer to start all over. As I'm typing away at the computer on my OWN, Johnny Douche Bag comes up and I swear to you, hovers behind me reading the computer over my shoulder. OK so I lost it. I turned around and held my hand to him and yelled (in my best Dave voice) "No! You are useless and a complete waste of my time. Go away, I will find the book on my own." Or something perhaps a little meaner - I was hungry and honestly just in the bookstore killing time until my dinner was ready for pickup. Not even rattled, he turned and walked away and I never found my book.

OK, Barnes and Noble and every other flat-lining retail corporation out there, listen up. Do you want to turn that P & L statement around? Eliminate your Customer Service department. There were two Customer Service reps working last night and I'm sure that there's more on the payroll. Cut 'em loose. You'll probably see no change in the over all gratification from customers (since we're used to doing all the work ourselves) but your bottom line will improve. Oh, and also at the register, I don't want to buy a $25 SAVINGS CLUB Card to save 10% fucking percent on my $11 sale. I'm no math major (I'm too pretty to do math) but I don't see how spending $25 to save $1.10 is a good thing.

What do you think? Is it me or is there a LOT OF RETARDATION in this world??
Share your thoughts on your recent "customer service" or pleasant sales person.

Daisy 1, Squirrel 0 and Dave understands feelings

This week I'm in sunny California for work (don't hate the player) and Dave is staying at my house and watching the Daisy Dog. (More on letting him (or anyone really) stay at my house alone in another blog.) In earlier blogs, I have mentioned that I have had the Daisy Dog for about a year now. In fact, November will mark 2 years, which sadly is longer than most of my relationships. (Yet ANOTHER subject for a future blog.) In the time that Daisy has been at my house she has been tormented by the squirrels in my back yard. They also tormented my beloved Roxy, my previous dog before Daisy. Anyway, Daisy has tried, with no luck, to catch one of these mothers for the past year and a half every time she goes out to the back yard or on a walk through the 'hood. I even help her out with this by luring them into the yard with my bird feeders that are always full of yummy seed. I also have Indian corn out there to entice the critters to come into the yard.


Now, before you go all PETA on me, I have no expectation of my dog EVER catching one of these furry little bastards, I just figure I'm making the squirrel work for its food and I'm giving Daisy her cardio for the week. But, that all changed this week while Dave was in command. As mentioned, Dave is watching Daisy while I'm away. I left him pretty basic notes on her care; how much to feed her, her potty schedule, treats, how to put the leash/harness combo on her (while she's going APESHIT because she's going for a WALK). I honestly can't believe that I didn't have a book written of ALL THINGS DAISY for him since I spoil her so much, I guess I just got lazy.


So, yesterday I get a somewhat frantic call from Dave, regarding my policy on letting my dog KILL things. I think his EXACT words to me were 'Do you let her kill things?' and I'm like "What? Of course I don't let her KILL things!! What the heck are you talking about?" He tells me that while she was outside he all of a sudden heard this screeching kind of noise. When he got out there to see what was going on, Daisy had a squirrel in her mouth and she was shaking it like a rag doll!! OK, so I would have flipped out if it was me, but hearing Dave tell me this story nearly made me run my car off the road! All I could picture was my big bad Daisy tearing this squirrel to shreds while Dave stood there in horror. I WISH I would have installed a web cam before I left. Again, no PETA comments on this one, I'm the most animal (dog) friendly person around and I don't encourage the death of any animal, but there is some kind of sweet revenge in all of this. I bet Roxy is up in Doggie Heaven doing a little victory dance for the Daize-meister.


Back to Death Grip One, Dave ran out and yelled at Daisy to drop the squirrel, which of course she didn't, so he ended up grabbing her by the collar and make her drop the rodent. Any dog owners out there know that Daisy immediately chased after the squirrel, who stupidly did not run for his life and out of the yard, and grabbed him back up again. Dave yelled at her again and then ordered her back into the house, sans squirrel. Now what comes next is what upsets me and then makes me laugh myself almost off the highway. He YELLED at my precious pooch! Poor Daisy, she probably thought she was showing Dave what a great huntress she was and now she's being yelled at. Of course her feelings were hurt and she sat there with her head lowered and those sad doggie eyes staring at him. This was the mad part on my behalf. The part that makes me laugh is what Dave says next. I think it went something like this.


"I've never experienced emotions from a dog before. I actually saw her hurt feelings when I yelled at her." If you only knew Dave like I do, you would understand that this is a man that repeatedly makes fun of how much I care about my dog, so to hear him say he saw an "emotion" from my dog, nearly caused me to laugh my ass off. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Where did the Dave that makes fun of me and my pooch on a regular basis? After one day he's all of a sudden becoming a dog person and understanding emotions. Hmmmm... I can't wait to see what the rest of the week unveils......

Stay tuned.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

My Fabu New Do . . .


Ok - so this picture of ME isn't that great - but my new "do" is! It was about 100 degrees here today - OK, more like 88-89, but it sure felt like 100 since my A/C wasn't working! So, even though I don't like to wear tank tops in public - I was forced by Mother Nature. And, thanks to the 100% humidity, I sweated off all of my make-up!! Oh well, at least I have a Fabu-New-Do!!

Per HIS request

I have had a request to take down our picture (I'm secretly OK with this - since I was in such a hurry to get my blog posted, I didn't choose the most flattering picture) But, don't worry - one of my many, MANY hobbies is photography, (and scrapbooking and writing, and basket weaving and pottery, and dog agility training - shut up now Dave.) and I have over 3000 pictures and more to come so there will be plenty more posted.

I also just got a FABULOUS new "do" so once I get more pictures of me and my "do" - I'll re-post.

Thanks for all of your comments and stay tuned as I am currently working on PART DEUX!! So, tell all your friends/fans and readers of your blogs to come on over to http://missdaisydog.blogspot.com/ and check me out!!

Gotta go - the A/C at my house is broken and the A/C man is on his way.
Ta Ta for now!!
Jill


(PS - The above "PIMP MY BLOG" moment is brought to you by my favorite author/blogger Jen Lancaster as she told all of her followers to get out there and Pimp their blogs!)

If you don't know who Jen is - check out: http://www.jennsylvania.com/

Monday, June 2, 2008

I have this friend . . .

My friend Dave . . .

I met Dave about 10 years ago at a bar, of all places. (Imagine THAT for those who know me.) He was a DJ at the local radio station and on Thursdays or Fridays – who remembers, he also DJ’d at said bar. I was in college and went out every Thursday-Sunday night. (What? I graduated.) OK, 7 years later. But still. Shut up! I changed my major – A LOT.

Back then (and remember I drank 4 days out of 7) I thought he looked like Joey from Friends. I don't think so any more, but back then I did. Sue me. It was also more than 10 years ago and even Joey doesn't look like Joey any more. Plus, he (Dave, not Joey) needs to dye his hair. (Yes you do. I don’t care what your hairdresser says.)

Anyway, I thought he was way cute (you know I did and I just can’t wait to hear your comments David about this little bit of info) This had a lot to do with WHY I went to that bar every weekend. That, and the fact that the bouncer was a former boyfriend (friend with benefits, really, and he was HOT) so I figured my odds of hooking up, one way or another, were good. It seemed that Dave was always there with this girl, I'll call her Sue, who was another DJ from the station. I figured she was a girlfriend or worse, not YET his girlfriend and my competition.

Long story short (mainly because I can’t remember the details) I ended up getting to know him and eventually got a job at the station on the office side. Of course I did, that bitch, I mean Sue, (no I don’t) wasn’t going to see him every day when I only got one night a week at a bar. (I’m not competitive so much as I’m jealous. Did I mention that my mom put me in pre-school 2 years in a row so I could learn how to share? Complete waste of money. Sorry mom.)

Fast forward to my FIRST day at the station. All is going well and I make sure that Dave knows I'm there by stopping by the studio to tell him so. He, of course, made fun of me in front of his intern (you did) so I go back to my desk and I'm all "what a jerk." Later that afternoon, the power goes out. I remember this particular detail because this is when I find out that he would NEVER, EVER be my boyfriend.

We were all gathered in the front lobby of the station because that’s where the only outside light was and Dave was there too since he couldn’t do his show. It was a Monday and everyone was talking about their weekends and someone noticed that he had a ring on his left hand ring finger. Being one of the only single guys at the station, all of us girls noticed this. Especially me since I took a freaking job at a radio station in order to make him mine (“I will hug him and squeeze him and call him George.” -Daffy Duck/Abominable Snowman reference for those of you that don't watch cartoons.) Anyway, Dave proceeds to tell all of us that he got MARRIED over the weekend. This is not only HUGE news (umm hello? I took a job at a radio station!!) but I found out that first day, half of the station thought he was gay and the other half really didn’t care (this was the older, uglier and married half.)

I soon found out that Dave is notorious for lying and making up stories (just wait until you hear the DOOZIE we have going on right now- stay tuned), so the whole “I got married over the weekend was a complete lie. (At this point, there's still hope for boyfriend/girlfriend status BUT that means I can't quit this job just yet.) Over the next several weeks at the station, we became fast friends and I actually liked my job. C'mon, I was in college and I worked at a place where I got free CD's/concert tickets and occasionally met a famous singer. (OK Richard Marx was the only "famous" person and I TOTALLY thought he was my new intern that morning - maybe he'll make a comeback.)

A couple months into this gig, another DJ at the station, Lynn, was getting married and had invited me to the wedding and reception and you bet your ass I was there!! Too bad Sue had to work that night and couldn’t go to the reception. (Pre-school? I’m still there.) At the reception I sat (drank) with Amy, another DJ at the station and some other station people. Amy was super cool and gave me the scoop on everyone at the station. After the reception, we continued the party at another bar. There was dancing, drinking and still wondering whether or not Dave was single and hetero or homo sexual. Even Amy, who was married, was curious which was disappointing to me because I was hoping she’d have the inside scoop since she worked with him.
The "after reception" activities proved fruitless (no pun intended) to answering the burning question, ‘was he or wasn’t he?’

  • After the wedding – we (I think the bride came too, but I can't be sure) head to a gay bar. (He’s gay.)

  • Dave introduces us to his "brother Mark" – who we thought was his boyfriend. (Not gay.)

  • Dave invites me and Amy back to his house. (Not gay)

  • "Brother" Mark is also invited and so is some guy named Michael (WTF?)

  • Mark drives me and Amy to Dave’s house and keeps looking at me funny when I refer to him as Dave's brother. (Dave likes to make up stories remember?)

  • I try to study for a statistics test that I forgot I have in the morning but fall asleep in Dave’s spare room. THIS, right here, is my life. I spend the night at his house – which should have been a victory – but fall asleep! (That test in the moring, also explains why I spent 7 years in college and am not a Dr.)

So, on Monday, I’m was just as confused as I was before the wedding but, Sue was so completely jealous that she missed out on all of it that it secretly makes me happy. (It's ok, hate the player, - but, I won.)

Stay tuned for part deux (yes, I LOVE THE 80’S)

D-Day: Monday

OK - so Saturday and Sunday didn't go so well Diet-wise. Hey, it was a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L weekend here in Akron (a rare thing) and I had to enjoy it with potato chips and my new boyfriend - Chip -otle. So, I went to bed last night (right after finishing the chocolate ice cream in my freezer - thanks Dave for texting me about ice cream) and once again told myself that tomorrow - Monday - "I will start my diet."

It's now 9:45 am on Monday and let's see, so far I think I've consumed enough calories for a third world country. (and I'm contemplating something chocolate right now - sad.) Tomorrow, tomorrow will be better. Why tomorrow and not just start over with lunch? Because today is a co-workers birthday and we're going to lunch - so of course, THAT's not going to be diet friendly. And um, hello?? It's her birthday - so cake or some sort of chocolate MUST be involved. Too bad we have to come back to work after lunch - because we could have birthday cake SHOTS instead!

On the bright side - I'm wearing a new pair of pants that I bought in my "usual size" this weekend and they're kind of BIG on me right now - BONUS!! These pants also came with another pair of pants (What? they were buy 1 get a 2nd for $10 - how could I NOT buy a 2nd pair?), I also got 2 or was it 3? shirts, the CUTEST damn skirt in the world (yes it was three shirts - had to get cute shirt to go with said skirt) and a pair of shoes. Shut up Dave - I'll start my budget next week - I NEEDED retail therapy this weekend.

Diet and Budget - two of the ugliest words in the dictionary.