Do you remember the movie Dirty Dancing? Of course you do - OMG - who DIDN'T swoon over Patrick Swayze and wish she could dance with Johnny? Remember the scene where Baby and Johnny meet for the first time and she says "I carried a watermelon?" She was horrified - I carried a watermelon? What kind of line is that?? Well, I can relate to Baby.
I was just at the gas station filling up and this TOTALLY GORGEOUS guy noticed that I was not only filling up my car but I was also filling up extra gas cans. (In our area - our local grocery store gives .10 off a gallon of gas for every $50 we spend in their store. I had a total of $2 off a gallon of gas and since gas is $2.97 right now - I figured I'd fill up the car AND the extra cans - because, well, I'm cheap) So, TOTALLY GORGEOUS GUY (TGG) notices me filling up and says, something like 'you must have like a $1.00 off a gallon - eh?' I tell him that I have $2 off and he replies, "get outta here!" in a very Brooklyn - Joeyesque way. Which, by the way, makes me want him even more.
So what is my BIG COME BACK? "uh huh, $2 off." I'm not kidding - that's ALL I said! Oh, no, wait - I did tell him to "have a nice day" as I got in my car and drove off. Without his number or giving him mine.
I'm telling you - this guy was HOT HOT HOT and he initiated conversation with me and what do I do? Wish him a nice effing day... How about when he said 'get outta here' I should have said: 'OK, your place or mine? Or, "it's birthday month - want to be my present and um future??" No, I wish him a nice ding dong day!!!
I carried a watermelon indeed.
I'm going to be single for the rest of my life . . .
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
All Fired Up . . .
Here’s my SPIN to the CYCLE – this is fun one as I’m NEVER at a loss for things that make me crazy mad! This was actually fun - and I think I could go on and on and on –but I stopped myself before I got all fired up. Here goes:
Things that get me FIRED UP: (and not in a good way)
1. Waiting in lines – ANY line – grocery store, bank, fast food – you name it, I’ve picked the shortest, yet SLOWEST MOVING line there is.
2. Not getting a “hello” or “thank you” after waiting in said line and purchasing something.
3. “Customer service” reps that cannot speak ENGLISH. Please, if I can’t understand you, then how can you be of ANY service to me??
4. People who drive in the passing lane at or below the posted limit. It is the PASSING lane you morons!
5. People who get offended after you’ve passed them on the highway. Seriously, this is NOT a pissing contest – I’m probably running late and you’re in my way – if you want to drive in front of me – you better be cruising at 70 mph or MORE - or I’m GOING to pass you. (while putting my make up on)
6. Idiots who are mean to animals. There is a special place in HELL for these jerks I’m sure of it.
7. Ungrateful people.
8. Ignorance – it is NOT bliss.
9. The $700 Billion Bail out plan. I also don’t want a political blog on my hands – but seriously, we’re bailing out BILLIONAIRES and the common folk like me – who owe maybe $10,000 in credit card/student loan debt – can’t get an effing break.
10. $29 - now $39 OVER THE LIMIT fees. WTF?? If there’s a LIMIT – how come the credit card company allows you to go over it??
11. ATM fees to get MY money...
12. This is new – one of my FAVORITE store credit cards just changed their rules about paying their bill. If I want to pay the bill ON THE DAY IT’S DUE – it will cost me an ADDITIONAL $10. Again, WTF??
13. My iPod. Ok – Apple? You’ve got bad fruit. I paid $250 for my 30 gig iPod and I’ve had to replace it 3 times. Good thing I bought the $60 warranty.
Things that get me FIRED UP: (and not in a good way)
1. Waiting in lines – ANY line – grocery store, bank, fast food – you name it, I’ve picked the shortest, yet SLOWEST MOVING line there is.
2. Not getting a “hello” or “thank you” after waiting in said line and purchasing something.
3. “Customer service” reps that cannot speak ENGLISH. Please, if I can’t understand you, then how can you be of ANY service to me??
4. People who drive in the passing lane at or below the posted limit. It is the PASSING lane you morons!
5. People who get offended after you’ve passed them on the highway. Seriously, this is NOT a pissing contest – I’m probably running late and you’re in my way – if you want to drive in front of me – you better be cruising at 70 mph or MORE - or I’m GOING to pass you. (while putting my make up on)
6. Idiots who are mean to animals. There is a special place in HELL for these jerks I’m sure of it.
7. Ungrateful people.
8. Ignorance – it is NOT bliss.
9. The $700 Billion Bail out plan. I also don’t want a political blog on my hands – but seriously, we’re bailing out BILLIONAIRES and the common folk like me – who owe maybe $10,000 in credit card/student loan debt – can’t get an effing break.
10. $29 - now $39 OVER THE LIMIT fees. WTF?? If there’s a LIMIT – how come the credit card company allows you to go over it??
11. ATM fees to get MY money...
12. This is new – one of my FAVORITE store credit cards just changed their rules about paying their bill. If I want to pay the bill ON THE DAY IT’S DUE – it will cost me an ADDITIONAL $10. Again, WTF??
13. My iPod. Ok – Apple? You’ve got bad fruit. I paid $250 for my 30 gig iPod and I’ve had to replace it 3 times. Good thing I bought the $60 warranty.
I am not a Doctor . . .
I think I’m going to DIE. (Well, not really, but it sure feels like it.) I have a MOTHER of a MIGRAINE headache today.
It all started yesterday. I can’t believe I’m about to say this – but I’m glad it’s just a headache and not the cold I was SURE I was going to catch from a co-worker (you know who you are – ha ha) that I was trapped in a meeting room with no fresh air circulating for 2 hours yesterday. If there’s anything I hate more than a headache it’s a MISERABLE COLD!! And from the looks of my co-worker yesterday afternoon during our meeting, (seriously sister, that’s what SICK days are for!!) it looked awful. I did feel bad for her – BUT, being the hypochondriac that I am, I IMMEDIATELY started to feel all achy and developed this Migraine.
I was totally prepared (and am still waiting) to wake up sniffling and coughing this morning. It won’t happen – not until Sunday night because Monday morning I leave for Florida for work. THAT’s when I’ll get it. Good times, I can’t wait.
So back to my Migraine and the fact that I’m not a Doctor. I’ve been popping my Migraine medicine all damn day and it is sooooooooooooo not working. I’d go home, but as soon as I walk in my door, my PRECIOUS POOCH will knock me over and bug the ever living daylights out of me because I’m not taking her for a walk. So, I’ll just stay at work and try to get something done – like this blog. (Hey, the smokers get to take 5-10 “smoke breaks” a day – this is MY smoke break and I type fast.)
So I’ve tried my migraine meds – not working.
I’ve tried regular Ibuprofen - 3 at a time – not working.
I’ve tried REGULAR Pepsi – instead of Diet – not working.
Water instead of caffeine? NOPE.
Well, I just got back from lunch – where I decided to medicate with FOOD. It’s the answer for everything else in my life, why not a headache?
I went to Panera Bread and had myself half of a Grilled Chicken Panini with Black Bean soup AND a shortbread cookie.
Now I have a headache AND I need to unbutton my pants if I want to sit down for the rest of the day . . . I am not a Doctor!
It all started yesterday. I can’t believe I’m about to say this – but I’m glad it’s just a headache and not the cold I was SURE I was going to catch from a co-worker (you know who you are – ha ha) that I was trapped in a meeting room with no fresh air circulating for 2 hours yesterday. If there’s anything I hate more than a headache it’s a MISERABLE COLD!! And from the looks of my co-worker yesterday afternoon during our meeting, (seriously sister, that’s what SICK days are for!!) it looked awful. I did feel bad for her – BUT, being the hypochondriac that I am, I IMMEDIATELY started to feel all achy and developed this Migraine.
I was totally prepared (and am still waiting) to wake up sniffling and coughing this morning. It won’t happen – not until Sunday night because Monday morning I leave for Florida for work. THAT’s when I’ll get it. Good times, I can’t wait.
So back to my Migraine and the fact that I’m not a Doctor. I’ve been popping my Migraine medicine all damn day and it is sooooooooooooo not working. I’d go home, but as soon as I walk in my door, my PRECIOUS POOCH will knock me over and bug the ever living daylights out of me because I’m not taking her for a walk. So, I’ll just stay at work and try to get something done – like this blog. (Hey, the smokers get to take 5-10 “smoke breaks” a day – this is MY smoke break and I type fast.)
So I’ve tried my migraine meds – not working.
I’ve tried regular Ibuprofen - 3 at a time – not working.
I’ve tried REGULAR Pepsi – instead of Diet – not working.
Water instead of caffeine? NOPE.
Well, I just got back from lunch – where I decided to medicate with FOOD. It’s the answer for everything else in my life, why not a headache?
I went to Panera Bread and had myself half of a Grilled Chicken Panini with Black Bean soup AND a shortbread cookie.
Now I have a headache AND I need to unbutton my pants if I want to sit down for the rest of the day . . . I am not a Doctor!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
My Hero
So - while perusing the web today - I came across a discussion/contest that asked the question: Who is your role model/hero? I've never really given it much thought - I didn't grow up with any ONE person in my life that made me who I am today - what I'm trying to say is - I was blessed to have MANY MORE than one. My mom and dad - who sacrificed and gave a LOT to me and my brothers and sister. We may have WANTED for more but we never NEEDED more. My grandparents on my moms side - my other grandparents had passed before I was born. My older brothers and sister and their wives and husband - all helped mold and shape me to be the person I am today.
But there is one person in my family who I truly admire and am so lucky to still have her around. My Great Aunt Ruth. Aunt Ruth just turned 96 this past August and, I guess, she's always been someone I just thought was "cool."
A couple of years back we were at a family wedding and I didn't feel much like dancing, I was in a depressed mood at the time and feeling sorry for my(fat)self. My cousin Janet, Aunt Ruth's daughter, told me the story of how Aunt Ruth met her husband. Now, keep in mind, Ruth is about 5 feet tall and was slim/slender her whole life - just an iddy biddy thing. She was polished and ALWAYS put together - WELL. Never without makeup/lipstick and a fresh manicure. She was the Jackie O in our family.
Well, Aunt Ruth met my Uncle and her Mr. Right one night while dancing - on a table! (and I'm pretty sure it was a prohibition party at that too - but I could be making that up.) She didn't let her inhibitions get the best of her, like I was, and she met a wonderful man. (Who went on to become a DOCTOR) Unfortunately, Uncle Bill died at an early age, from cancer. But that didn't hold my Aunt back. Although she never remarried, she did and still does, live life to the fullest. She has traveled all over the world, by herself and with groups. Up until this summer - when she was 95 - she had her own apartment. It was in a retirement community, but she was self-sufficient.
Then, she hit a rough spell, she fell and broke her ankle and she also developed emphysema. While in the hospital she had some close calls and we thought we were going to lose her and she made the decision (still, on her own) to not be resuscitated if it came to that. Thankfully, it didn't come to that. I believe it's because she had her 96th birthday coming up. Aunt Ruth demanded (in the sweetest way a 95 year old woman can) that a party be thrown for her because she WOULD be there. And this past August, she was!
I recently visited her at the nursing home where she is recuperating. When I got there, she was waiting for me, she wanted to me to take her outside for a "walk." She's in a wheelchair because of her broken ankle and I think this is just killing her. She was wearing a brand new outfit that she got for her birthday, hair and make up done and recently had a manicure. As we strolled though the halls she introduced me to everyone and they all knew that I was coming that day for a visit. She is very proud of her family and let me tell you, I felt like a ROCK STAR because everyone knew my name and was excited to finally meet Ruth's Great Niece!! (I plan on going back weekly to boost my self confidence)
I brought her a new Ohio State Buckeyes T-shirt to wear while she watched the football games this fall. Aunt Ruth is a HUGE OSU fan and this present just made her day. She is looking forward to Christmas and is diligently exercising her ankle so she can walk without crutches when she goes to my cousins house on Christmas day. I don't know how much longer I'll have my Aunt Ruth around, but I suspect it will be at least after Christmas, since she has made this her goal.
She is truly a hero and inspiration to me.
But there is one person in my family who I truly admire and am so lucky to still have her around. My Great Aunt Ruth. Aunt Ruth just turned 96 this past August and, I guess, she's always been someone I just thought was "cool."
A couple of years back we were at a family wedding and I didn't feel much like dancing, I was in a depressed mood at the time and feeling sorry for my(fat)self. My cousin Janet, Aunt Ruth's daughter, told me the story of how Aunt Ruth met her husband. Now, keep in mind, Ruth is about 5 feet tall and was slim/slender her whole life - just an iddy biddy thing. She was polished and ALWAYS put together - WELL. Never without makeup/lipstick and a fresh manicure. She was the Jackie O in our family.
Well, Aunt Ruth met my Uncle and her Mr. Right one night while dancing - on a table! (and I'm pretty sure it was a prohibition party at that too - but I could be making that up.) She didn't let her inhibitions get the best of her, like I was, and she met a wonderful man. (Who went on to become a DOCTOR) Unfortunately, Uncle Bill died at an early age, from cancer. But that didn't hold my Aunt back. Although she never remarried, she did and still does, live life to the fullest. She has traveled all over the world, by herself and with groups. Up until this summer - when she was 95 - she had her own apartment. It was in a retirement community, but she was self-sufficient.
Then, she hit a rough spell, she fell and broke her ankle and she also developed emphysema. While in the hospital she had some close calls and we thought we were going to lose her and she made the decision (still, on her own) to not be resuscitated if it came to that. Thankfully, it didn't come to that. I believe it's because she had her 96th birthday coming up. Aunt Ruth demanded (in the sweetest way a 95 year old woman can) that a party be thrown for her because she WOULD be there. And this past August, she was!
I recently visited her at the nursing home where she is recuperating. When I got there, she was waiting for me, she wanted to me to take her outside for a "walk." She's in a wheelchair because of her broken ankle and I think this is just killing her. She was wearing a brand new outfit that she got for her birthday, hair and make up done and recently had a manicure. As we strolled though the halls she introduced me to everyone and they all knew that I was coming that day for a visit. She is very proud of her family and let me tell you, I felt like a ROCK STAR because everyone knew my name and was excited to finally meet Ruth's Great Niece!! (I plan on going back weekly to boost my self confidence)
I brought her a new Ohio State Buckeyes T-shirt to wear while she watched the football games this fall. Aunt Ruth is a HUGE OSU fan and this present just made her day. She is looking forward to Christmas and is diligently exercising her ankle so she can walk without crutches when she goes to my cousins house on Christmas day. I don't know how much longer I'll have my Aunt Ruth around, but I suspect it will be at least after Christmas, since she has made this her goal.
She is truly a hero and inspiration to me.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Awwww....
Ok so we all know that I am single and would really, really like to finds me a man (and then immediately find EVERYTHING WRONG with him - kidding - sort of, my therapist and I are working on this one.) Like I was saying, I want a mans and if I did get as far as marrying him I'd even take his name (this would be weird since I've had mine for so long now, but I really think I'd take his name)
Did y'all hear me? I'd take his name UNLESS it was this last name that I just came across doing resume searches. "Hiscock" This person is a female. Awww... honey, if you're not married - GET MARRIED, if you ARE married - why oh why did you take his last name???
What - was yours worse?
Like, Hertwat?
Did y'all hear me? I'd take his name UNLESS it was this last name that I just came across doing resume searches. "Hiscock" This person is a female. Awww... honey, if you're not married - GET MARRIED, if you ARE married - why oh why did you take his last name???
What - was yours worse?
Like, Hertwat?
Monday, September 29, 2008
Little old ladies . . .
Even though my day started off not so great, it ended with a HUGE smile.
Ok - so I ran to the the grocery store tonight to pick up dinner and a few other things (you know the drill, you go in for butter, and come out with eggs, 10 packs of frozen veggies b/c they were 10 for $10?) See this blog (round 3) to see how that's going to end up.
Anyway - I'm checking out and as I'm bagging my things (yes I use the self check out - because the 14 year old they have working the register? Yeah, I like my bread ON TOP of the groceries and soap/chemical products? Yeah, I like them bagged SEPARATELY - I'm weird like that, I know.) So, I'm bagging my things and I see this this kid (probably about 20-22) walking by with his jeans pulled down half way around his ass. I know I'm getting old(er) but I will never, ever get this look. Ok, I got it when Marky Mark did it in the "Good Vibrations" video - but he wore cute Calvins and it was ONLY the waist band of the Calvins that showed - not half of his ASS!! Although - hindsight - might not have been that bad.
Ok - back to my point - I'm sorry, my brain is still in vacay mode. So, as he walks by - half ass showing and all - I must have given a dirty look or a look of disgust (really he didn't even have cute underwear on - I mean if I HAVE to SEE IT - it better be cute or designer - and it was neither.) So there I am, dirty look giver, and this sweet little old lady (I swear she had to be 80) comes up to me and says: "I bet he thinks he's all that and a bag of chips. I just hate the way they wear their jeans like that."
Honestly, I thought she was going to yell at me for giving the dirty look - like maybe this kid was her grandson or something - based on how my day started - it really wasn't that far of a stretch.
But wait! There's more!
That's not ALL she said.
This is sooooooooooooo funny - you better not take a drink or anything . . . .
Seriously - I'm warning you - this is HILARIOUS . . .
She then says, "they (the kids) wear them that low, like they're hanging off their wieners!!"
People - this was the SWEETEST little old lady and she said WIENERS!!! I thought I was going to die! I am not making this up!
I think I just caught a glimpse of myself at 80 years old.
Rock on grandma, rock on . . . .
Ok - so I ran to the the grocery store tonight to pick up dinner and a few other things (you know the drill, you go in for butter, and come out with eggs, 10 packs of frozen veggies b/c they were 10 for $10?) See this blog (round 3) to see how that's going to end up.
Anyway - I'm checking out and as I'm bagging my things (yes I use the self check out - because the 14 year old they have working the register? Yeah, I like my bread ON TOP of the groceries and soap/chemical products? Yeah, I like them bagged SEPARATELY - I'm weird like that, I know.) So, I'm bagging my things and I see this this kid (probably about 20-22) walking by with his jeans pulled down half way around his ass. I know I'm getting old(er) but I will never, ever get this look. Ok, I got it when Marky Mark did it in the "Good Vibrations" video - but he wore cute Calvins and it was ONLY the waist band of the Calvins that showed - not half of his ASS!! Although - hindsight - might not have been that bad.
Ok - back to my point - I'm sorry, my brain is still in vacay mode. So, as he walks by - half ass showing and all - I must have given a dirty look or a look of disgust (really he didn't even have cute underwear on - I mean if I HAVE to SEE IT - it better be cute or designer - and it was neither.) So there I am, dirty look giver, and this sweet little old lady (I swear she had to be 80) comes up to me and says: "I bet he thinks he's all that and a bag of chips. I just hate the way they wear their jeans like that."
Honestly, I thought she was going to yell at me for giving the dirty look - like maybe this kid was her grandson or something - based on how my day started - it really wasn't that far of a stretch.
But wait! There's more!
That's not ALL she said.
This is sooooooooooooo funny - you better not take a drink or anything . . . .
Seriously - I'm warning you - this is HILARIOUS . . .
She then says, "they (the kids) wear them that low, like they're hanging off their wieners!!"
People - this was the SWEETEST little old lady and she said WIENERS!!! I thought I was going to die! I am not making this up!
I think I just caught a glimpse of myself at 80 years old.
Rock on grandma, rock on . . . .
Curb your Dog . . .
Ok - so I just got back from taking my Delightful Daisy for a morning walk (something I wish I could do everyday - but alas, I don't have that much vacation time.) So, you can imagine, since I'm using up a precious vacay day today, that I am thoroughly enjoying my walk with my dog and don't want it to be spoiled by anything or any ONE. Well, that was not the case this morning. I had just hung up with Dave and had told him that Houdini (aka Daisy) had gotten loose on Saturday and in the 15 minutes (or less) that she was gone - it looked like she may have gotten into a fight or something - as she was missing a tiny patch of hair around her collar.
I really don't think she got in a fight - the patch is quite small - about the size of the tip of my pinky - but non-the-less, hair/fur is missing - so I wonder . .
So, Dave tells/yells at me that one day "that dog" is going to mess with the wrong animal or person and will get itself hurt or killed even. (he's doing this to get me going). I have a fenced yard, I keep her chained when she's out front, she's got her license and pretty much EVERYONE in the 'hood knows she's my dog. I know the consequences and try - my very best - to keep her contained. This is why she ended up with me in the first place - she was a rescue that kept getting loose and running away - and ended up in the pound. What can I say? She's like me - she's got a free spirit - that's why I love her so much!!
I tell Dave that IF that happens and she is hurt or God forbid, killed then THAT was her fate.
It will also be my fate to live out the rest of my days in JAIL because I will have KILLED or at least MAIMED the person/animal who hurts my precious POOCH. (ok - that's a joke - sort of.)
I have a point to this story- I promise - and here it is: about 10 minutes after I hang up with Dave I pass a house where someone is backing out and going, I presume, to work. They get about 6 or so houses down the street and then they SLAMMMMMMM on their brakes and BACK UP THE ENTIRE WAY - past their house and stop in front of ME and DAISY. Ok, so I'm a little freaked out and apprehensive right now. This (psychotic) lady then rolls down the passenger window and says to me - "I see your walking your dog but you don't have any bags with you" (the pooper scooper kind). I give her a nasty look and say, "yes I do they're in my pocket." (which they were.) Instead of saying, ok, I'm sorry or I'm glad you're responsible for your dog or ANYTHING along those lines - she CONTINUES to yell saying "well, SOMEONE lets their dog poop in my yard and I don't appreciate it."
Listen you old bat - I just got done telling you that I HAVE BAGS WITH ME - I AM A RESPONSIBLE DOG OWNER! Don't effing continue to yell at me, be on your miserable way.
THIS was the response I WANTED to say to her. What I said was "well it's not my dog." - Wooooooo - I bet I scared her.
I SHOULD have asked her if she drives around the entire neighborhood yelling at all dog walkers about the poop in her yard. I SHOULD have told her that she should be THANKFUL that she doesn't live in the neighborhood with the SHORT BUS and have Logan roaming the streets - ha ha!!
So much for a nice walk. . .
I really don't think she got in a fight - the patch is quite small - about the size of the tip of my pinky - but non-the-less, hair/fur is missing - so I wonder . .
So, Dave tells/yells at me that one day "that dog" is going to mess with the wrong animal or person and will get itself hurt or killed even. (he's doing this to get me going). I have a fenced yard, I keep her chained when she's out front, she's got her license and pretty much EVERYONE in the 'hood knows she's my dog. I know the consequences and try - my very best - to keep her contained. This is why she ended up with me in the first place - she was a rescue that kept getting loose and running away - and ended up in the pound. What can I say? She's like me - she's got a free spirit - that's why I love her so much!!
I tell Dave that IF that happens and she is hurt or God forbid, killed then THAT was her fate.
It will also be my fate to live out the rest of my days in JAIL because I will have KILLED or at least MAIMED the person/animal who hurts my precious POOCH. (ok - that's a joke - sort of.)
I have a point to this story- I promise - and here it is: about 10 minutes after I hang up with Dave I pass a house where someone is backing out and going, I presume, to work. They get about 6 or so houses down the street and then they SLAMMMMMMM on their brakes and BACK UP THE ENTIRE WAY - past their house and stop in front of ME and DAISY. Ok, so I'm a little freaked out and apprehensive right now. This (psychotic) lady then rolls down the passenger window and says to me - "I see your walking your dog but you don't have any bags with you" (the pooper scooper kind). I give her a nasty look and say, "yes I do they're in my pocket." (which they were.) Instead of saying, ok, I'm sorry or I'm glad you're responsible for your dog or ANYTHING along those lines - she CONTINUES to yell saying "well, SOMEONE lets their dog poop in my yard and I don't appreciate it."
Listen you old bat - I just got done telling you that I HAVE BAGS WITH ME - I AM A RESPONSIBLE DOG OWNER! Don't effing continue to yell at me, be on your miserable way.
THIS was the response I WANTED to say to her. What I said was "well it's not my dog." - Wooooooo - I bet I scared her.
I SHOULD have asked her if she drives around the entire neighborhood yelling at all dog walkers about the poop in her yard. I SHOULD have told her that she should be THANKFUL that she doesn't live in the neighborhood with the SHORT BUS and have Logan roaming the streets - ha ha!!
So much for a nice walk. . .
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