Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Did y'all hear me? I'd take his name UNLESS it was this last name that I just came across doing resume searches. "Hiscock" This person is a female. Awww... honey, if you're not married - GET MARRIED, if you ARE married - why oh why did you take his last name???
What - was yours worse?
Monday, September 29, 2008
Ok - so I ran to the the grocery store tonight to pick up dinner and a few other things (you know the drill, you go in for butter, and come out with eggs, 10 packs of frozen veggies b/c they were 10 for $10?) See this blog (round 3) to see how that's going to end up.
Anyway - I'm checking out and as I'm bagging my things (yes I use the self check out - because the 14 year old they have working the register? Yeah, I like my bread ON TOP of the groceries and soap/chemical products? Yeah, I like them bagged SEPARATELY - I'm weird like that, I know.) So, I'm bagging my things and I see this this kid (probably about 20-22) walking by with his jeans pulled down half way around his ass. I know I'm getting old(er) but I will never, ever get this look. Ok, I got it when Marky Mark did it in the "Good Vibrations" video - but he wore cute Calvins and it was ONLY the waist band of the Calvins that showed - not half of his ASS!! Although - hindsight - might not have been that bad.
Ok - back to my point - I'm sorry, my brain is still in vacay mode. So, as he walks by - half ass showing and all - I must have given a dirty look or a look of disgust (really he didn't even have cute underwear on - I mean if I HAVE to SEE IT - it better be cute or designer - and it was neither.) So there I am, dirty look giver, and this sweet little old lady (I swear she had to be 80) comes up to me and says: "I bet he thinks he's all that and a bag of chips. I just hate the way they wear their jeans like that."
Honestly, I thought she was going to yell at me for giving the dirty look - like maybe this kid was her grandson or something - based on how my day started - it really wasn't that far of a stretch.
But wait! There's more!
That's not ALL she said.
This is sooooooooooooo funny - you better not take a drink or anything . . . .
Seriously - I'm warning you - this is HILARIOUS . . .
She then says, "they (the kids) wear them that low, like they're hanging off their wieners!!"
People - this was the SWEETEST little old lady and she said WIENERS!!! I thought I was going to die! I am not making this up!
I think I just caught a glimpse of myself at 80 years old.
Rock on grandma, rock on . . . .
I really don't think she got in a fight - the patch is quite small - about the size of the tip of my pinky - but non-the-less, hair/fur is missing - so I wonder . .
So, Dave tells/yells at me that one day "that dog" is going to mess with the wrong animal or person and will get itself hurt or killed even. (he's doing this to get me going). I have a fenced yard, I keep her chained when she's out front, she's got her license and pretty much EVERYONE in the 'hood knows she's my dog. I know the consequences and try - my very best - to keep her contained. This is why she ended up with me in the first place - she was a rescue that kept getting loose and running away - and ended up in the pound. What can I say? She's like me - she's got a free spirit - that's why I love her so much!!
I tell Dave that IF that happens and she is hurt or God forbid, killed then THAT was her fate.
It will also be my fate to live out the rest of my days in JAIL because I will have KILLED or at least MAIMED the person/animal who hurts my precious POOCH. (ok - that's a joke - sort of.)
I have a point to this story- I promise - and here it is: about 10 minutes after I hang up with Dave I pass a house where someone is backing out and going, I presume, to work. They get about 6 or so houses down the street and then they SLAMMMMMMM on their brakes and BACK UP THE ENTIRE WAY - past their house and stop in front of ME and DAISY. Ok, so I'm a little freaked out and apprehensive right now. This (psychotic) lady then rolls down the passenger window and says to me - "I see your walking your dog but you don't have any bags with you" (the pooper scooper kind). I give her a nasty look and say, "yes I do they're in my pocket." (which they were.) Instead of saying, ok, I'm sorry or I'm glad you're responsible for your dog or ANYTHING along those lines - she CONTINUES to yell saying "well, SOMEONE lets their dog poop in my yard and I don't appreciate it."
Listen you old bat - I just got done telling you that I HAVE BAGS WITH ME - I AM A RESPONSIBLE DOG OWNER! Don't effing continue to yell at me, be on your miserable way.
THIS was the response I WANTED to say to her. What I said was "well it's not my dog." - Wooooooo - I bet I scared her.
I SHOULD have asked her if she drives around the entire neighborhood yelling at all dog walkers about the poop in her yard. I SHOULD have told her that she should be THANKFUL that she doesn't live in the neighborhood with the SHORT BUS and have Logan roaming the streets - ha ha!!
So much for a nice walk. . .
Friday, September 26, 2008
I wish that every time I ate chocolate - it had a counter reaction - like it actually made my ass look 5 lbs smaller!! Let me tell you, I'd have a NICE A$$!!!
I wish that I was ACTUALLY as cool as I think I am!
I wish it was 5 o'clock already!!! Sheesh - is time just tick tock taking forever today???
I wish I knew the POWER ball numbers for tonight . . .
I wish I had NATURALLY blonde hair -but, thank GOD I have a GREAT hairdresser!!
I wish you all a very good weekend!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Here's mine . . .
One of my biggest "What if" moments happened about 6 years ago when I went to Maui, HI with my now BFF (then, friend from work) for her wedding over Memorial Day. I wasn't in the wedding but I shared a condo with the maid of honor and best man. We were the only singletons there. It was a very "Real World" meeting at the airport - because we honestly didn't know each other (really) until we all met at the airport as our flights arrived. (The Best Man was from Chicago, Maid of Honor from Michigan and I am from Ohio.) We had really only emailed each other - as one was in charge of the rental, another in charge of the condo, etc. That was about it.
Side note: The three of us got along GREAT and had the best vacation ever. Six years later and every Memorial Day weekend I get out my pictures and just smile remembering the best 9 days in my life.
Anyway - the first night there, after dinner – Best Man and I sat out on the beach with a makeshift cooler (trash can from the room with ice) and a case of Corona's and just talked and talked and drank, and drank. Maid of Honor was invited to join us – but declined because she was tired and full from dinner.
Before we knew it, and after hearing many funny and personal stories, taking silly pictures of each other and the MANY sand crabs (one who we named - Big Brutus), it was 5am and the sun was rising. In our drunken state - we tried (unsuccessfully) to actually SEE the sun rise - but we couldn't find it. Yes, the BIG ORANGE/YELLOW CIRCLE in the SKY? - We, (dru-unks) couldn't find it. (I am NOT lying)
Nothing happened that night - romantically - except that we became great friends and the next week was the literally the BEST WEEK EVER. (for all 3 of us too) Over the course of the next 7 days we were as thick as thieves and never left each others side.
On our last night in Maui (the Maid of Honor had left for home the night before) Best Man and I had dinner and a little too much to drink - which would usually mean that something ROMANTIC actually DID happen right? Wrong! Way too much alcohol and we just both fell asleep. I had to leave the next day and wouldn't see him again until the reception back home for the newlyweds.
When we met up at the reception, in the newlywed’s hometown in Michigan, it was as if we never missed a beat, we were reminiscing about the trip – checking out my tattoo. Oh yeah, I always wanted a tattoo – he had a couple and said he’d go with me – so I have a tattoo to remind me of that trip. At the end of the night Best Man drove me back to my hotel and at a red light I leaned over and planted a big kiss on him and told him that I’d been dying to do that since Maui. He said “me too!” Unfortunately, I was sharing a room with the Maid of Honor and others from the wedding so we would again have to wait to be with each other.
The next morning we had to be up early at the newlywed’s house to watch them open gifts - ugggh!! All I wanted to do was consummate my new relationship with Best Man – not watch someone else open gifts!! But like a really cheesy romantic comedy – this was not in the works for us. You see, the day went on and on, and on and on – and eventually we had to go our separate ways, he back to Chicago and me back to Ohio because (like an IDIOT) I rode to Michigan with the newlyweds and had to leave when they did.
We tried to keep in touch via email and phone calls, but you know how that goes. Throw in the fact that Best Man was interviewing and eventually landed a new job, time was sparse. It just never came to fruition. Except, one night 9 months later, he came to visit the newlyweds unexpectedly. At this time, however, I was kind of dating someone else. While Best Man was at the newlyweds house, my BFF’s new Husband told Best Man about this someone else and this sealed the fate of any relationship between me and Best Man.
It’s been a little of six years now, newlyweds are still married and have 2 children (one even named after me!) and the Maid of Honor is also married with children. Best Man and me?
NEITHER OF US DATING ANYONE.
Do I think What If? All the time . . . .
What are your "What if" moments?
NEW YORK - Clay Aiken appears on the cover of the latest People magazine holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken, with the headline: "Yes, I'm Gay."
I mean, come on, did anyone REALLY NOT think he was gay??
Must be a slow news day . . .
Kinda like my blog writing lately . . . .
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
So today I decided to “power walk” after eating lunch. Was it because it’s absolutely GORGEOUS outside today? Perhaps. Was it because walking is good exercise and I really should get more exercise? Maybe. Was it because I ate way too much for breakfast and lunch? Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!
So anyway I, along with many other co-workers, are walking in my company’s parking lot (where 1 lap is conveniently is 1 mile – or so we in HR say it is) and I’m jamming to the music on my iPod and I pass this woman who is in her “workout clothes” and obviously working up a sweat and she was SMOKING! I had to stop and do a double take. She was smoking while power walking! I don’t know why this amuses me so much – but I just chuckled to myself – because here we all are, doing something healthy (or at least that’s what we tell ourselves) and there she is smoking while power walking. I guess you could say she’s keeping it real, because really, I’m sitting here at my desk – just a couple hours after my “exercise” eating Mike and Ike’s (which are sitting RIGHT next to the carrots I bought at lunch today) - at least this woman isn’t lying to herself.
Last night, Dave, Jerry and I met for drinks and appetizers at Chrissie Hynde’s VegeTerranean restaurant. Lots went on last night between Dave, Jerry and I – I’ll chat about that later – but one thing that I did notice was this couple that was having dinner. They were by themselves, just the two of them, in a booth, sitting on the same side instead of across from each other. I just don’t get this – maybe it’s because I’m not part of a couple, but why do couples sit side by side in a booth when eating dinner? I can see if there was another couple with them – but it was JUST the two of them!! Um, hello? Maybe I’m jaded and just seeing couples makes me a teensy bit jealous, but still, this just doesn’t seem right to me. Sitting next to each other at a bar, yes, that is fine – but at a table or booth – it seems like they’re on a bus bench or something. OK – so I AM jealous because I want to be in a relationship right now – but even if I was with Mr. Wonderful Tonight, he would be sitting ACROSS the booth from me – not next to me – I needs my space people!!
What are your thoughts??
Monday, September 22, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
* Grocery shopping after a “few” drinks is NEVER a good idea.
I went in for a quart of milk. Came out with a bag of Halloween candy, mozzarella cheese sticks, doughnuts and ho-ho’s, barely remembering to grab the milk!
* Even though I'm wearing a cute shirt and killer heels - I don’t “look sober” and the customers in the grocery store ARE talking about me.
* Volunteering to bring in a breakfast casserole is also not a good idea if you’re planning on drinking the night before. (even if you’re only having “one”)
* If you don’t normally wake up early when you HAVEN’T been drinking the night before – you WILL NOT wake up early just because you have a breakfast casserole to bake.
* Patron is STILL tequila, no matter how smooth it goes down. My gag reflex will still kick in . . .
* I always have a fun night out with Dave. . .
* Birthday month is F U N!!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
* Strong basic math skills with or without caculator - really? a CAC ULATOR?
Given the fact that I can't even figure out a 20% tip on any bill without the aid of my cell phone - I'm impressed.. not using spell check? well, that's another blog altogether . .
I'm going to preface this blog by saying that I know it could be much worse - and my heart and what little patience I have in a "normal" setting goes out to those that have been hit by IKE in Texas and now those in Chicago dealing with the floods. My "story of woe" is no where nearly as bad and I've already written (er clicked on line) my check to the Red Cross to help those that were directly in the path of the storm.
Now, onto my sad tale....
So, I come home last night pretty excited because as I turned down my street I see that my neighbors on the north side of my road have power. Yes! I think to myself, I'll be able to watch TV or play on the internet tonight! Woo-hoo!
My excitement was short-lived, however, as I pulled into my driveway and tried to open the garage door. NO POWER on the south end of the street. HOW THE FUCK IS THIS POSSIBLE?!?! It's not like I live on a road that is MILES and MILES long. We're probably talking 1/2 mile at the MOST (feels like more when I'm walking the dog) but it's probably more like a 1/4 mile. So why in the FUCK don't I have power when my neighbors 8 houses up do?? AND, AND, right around the corner from my house? The SUBSTATION!! AND we have NO trees down, no DOWN WIRES (although I told Ohio Ed we did so I could talk to a LIVE person) and yet, still no power.
So, I called Ohio Edison and told the "menu system" that I had a LIVE wire down so I could speak with an actual representative (I won't use the terms HUMAN or CUSTOMER SERVICE PERSON any more-because they are neither) and report that there was still NO ELECTRICITY on my street.
This "representative" got on the phone with me (and, I know this is hard to believe, but I WAS NICE in the beginning.) and immediately addressed me in a condescending tone. Saying things like I've only been without power since Sunday (it's now 6pm on Monday night) and I should consider myself LUCKY that I'm not in TX. LUCKY?? I live in fucking OHIO - no hurricane season here - and, my power is out because of FAULTY OHIO EDISON equipment - it had nothing to do with the storm that passed through Sunday evening. Our power went out 3 hours before the winds really kicked in lady, so NO, I don't consider myself LUCKY. I consider myself SCREWED for paying for service that I’m not getting. Should I just bend over next time I write the check for my so called "service?"
She then looks up my record and says "well, this is the first time it's been reported" Oh no she didn't.. She did NOT just lie to my face (ear). I called 3 times on Sunday, but because it was NOT DURING NORMAL BUSINESS HOURS, I didn't actually talk to a LIVE representative but I did go through the whole MENU system and reported it. AND, really? An ELECTRIC company doesn't have CSR's working on the weekends? What, power only goes out M-F 8-5?
Anyway, my neighbors (who are retired and home all day) HAD called ALL day on Monday. I had just talked with them to find out what was up with our power, like maybe, they WERE out during the day and couldn't get it fixed. My neighbor informed me that he had called and actually talked to a rep (because he too, lied about down lines) 6 different times. This is because Ohio Edison kept calling back saying they had fixed the problem in our area and we should have power, so he kept calling back saying "um no, not on our road."
I told MISS CUSTOMER SERVICE this and also that this is not the only time we've lost power. Any time we get the "slightest" wind the trees next to the damn pole brush against it and "boom" the damn thing explodes. I try telling her that this thing must be old or something is wrong with it when she CUTS ME OFF to say "if the pole is on your property - YOU are responsible for trees, etc.
OMG - I'm NOT having this discussion now, but since where here. . am I also responsible for the squirrels that run across the lines or how about the bird that flew into the pole this past summer and made it "pop" - that my fault too? I realize, Ohio Edison isn't responsible for the animals either. BUT their equipment should NOT be so FAULTY that when a bird flies into it or if a branch just touches the pole it blows up causing power a outage. So of course, this infuriates me to the point that I can't control myself.
Side note here; I am SOOOOO THANKFUL that I didn't have to endure what the folks in New Orleans, Mississippi, and now Texas and Chicago because, quite frankly, I wouldn't have been able to deal with all the calls and dealing with FEMA. I'm freaking out with Ohio Edison over a loss of power. I think (know) I would have MELTED DOWN if I would have lost my house and everything. And DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED to think about my dog. (all those folks that had to leave their pets behind because they couldn't take them to the shelters with them?? Good God Almighty - I think I would have been institutionalized.)
Anyway, I lost it with this rep and just told her (in not so nice terms) that we INDEED did NOT have power and I wanted it reported ASAP. Her response? She told me that it could be 3-5 days before power is restored. I hung up because I was honestly so upset and pissed I didn't know what else I would do, AND, now I'm at the mercy of this FUCKING C-U-Next Tuesday and I figured she could hold out the power restoration for my road for the full 5 days or longer.
UGGGGGHHHHH I was soooooooooooooooooooo mad. To make matters WORSE, my poor dog, Daisy is just shaking because she knows I'm upset. So, after about 10 minutes of trying to calm her down and her licking me (she loves to lick and I've recently discovered, when she's nervous - not just excited- she licks EVEN more.)
So, I calm down, calm Daisy down and call back, hoping to get another rep - not TONYA or (Total Cunt-face as I've nicknamed her.) I get a new gal on the phone and I start over (calmly - really, I was) and I told her that we didn't have power, blah blah blah and told her that I've called now twice today, 3 times on Sunday and my neighbors have been calling too. And, do you know what she says?? "Well, I'm looking at your account and no calls have been logged about power outage on your street."
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? Are you FUCKING-OH-MY-GOD-KIDDING ME??? I told her how I just got off the phone with Tonya, and how could that be - the bitch updated my account! (Oh yeah, I have a new phone number and yes, we had to deal with THAT issue before CF would even HEAR about the no power/electricity business). She of course didn't know, but would put a "work order" in to have a crew come out, blah blah blah but it may be 3-5 days before we have power . . . . and now? I just want to cry. I tell her thanks - whatev, I have lost this battle.
Defeated, I go back into my powerless house, pack my bags and call my mom and tell her I'm coming over. I'm loading up my car (bags and dog) when I hear . . . coming down my street. . . . what sounds like a diesel work truck . . . then, then, that FANTASTIC "beep" "beep" "beep" sound when work trucks are backing up. I run down my driveway into the street and see . . . . . the OHIO EDISON truck backing up to the utility pole!!
All of my neighbors are in the street clapping and cheering this guy on. He tells us he has to go to the substation and "do something" but we should have power within the next hour or so. Of course, we were all a little hesitant to watch him leave, but true to his word . . . . lights starting coming on within 20 minutes!!! AND, he came BACK!! We all bowed to him - I offered him a beer - although it was warm - my fault? I think not. He checked the utility pole and guess what he said? Yup, it IS faulty and needs fixed - HA! Go FUCK YOURSELF TONYA!! I told you it was bad equipment!!
Anyhoo, I FINALLY got power restored around 7-7:30 last night. Of course, everything in my refrigerator/freezer is destroyed - including my big box of FUDGSICLES!! Oh well, I've got power - I'll go out tonight and buy more. . . .
My BFF and her husband and two girls had to come over last night to shower and wash bottles for the baby. They too are without power. On their way home, they noticed that the lights were on in their neighborhood. Smiles on their faces, they pulled into their driveway . . . hit the garage door opener . . . and . . . . nope! No power for them. Two houses down - power, their house - none. WTF Ohio Ed??
She called me this morning and asked if I'd call to report that their power is out. I told her that since it's already been 3 days, I'd wait out the 5. If I get on the phone it could be Christmas before their power is restored.
Pack a bag my friend and come stay at my house . . . .
Monday, September 15, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Anyway - during a commercial - I went to the basement to change the laundry - AND, to find the bunny costume. I get back upstairs with bunny ears and cottontail in hand found my model, ie - my poor dog Daisy, and starting snapping pictures. Oh, and I totally forgot to change the laundry and thus had to sleep on my mattress with the only clean sheet in the house.
But, my dog is such a good sport - even though it WAS after 10pm and she is usually dog-tired (pun intended) and pretty much will let me do ANYTHING to her at that time of night.
Today, I'm sure that whatever is within her reach to chew up and destroy will meet it's demise for the following 5 reasons:
"I'm soooooooooo going to chew a purse or shoes for this"
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Now, for those of you in Ohio - please go to this site and sign the petition that is trying to BAN ALL PIT BULLS IN OHIO!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/hb-568-ohio-pit-bull-ban
People - these dogs don't need to be banned - the ANIMALS that train them to be mean need to be banned. Do we need rules for owning these dogs and keeping both people and dogs safe? ABSOLUTELY. But, banning them? This will only lead to illegal underground breeding of this animals which will surely lead to even more vicious animals. Ban the thugs that use these poor souls to make them money in horrific dog fighting rings.
Ok - I'm jumping off my soapbox now - please, please check out Jens blog and then sign the petition and send it to everyone in your email box. http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/hb-568-ohio-pit-bull-ban
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
and actually GO TO THE MANSION - I SHOULD have my costume ready.
And then today, I was at JoAnn Etc. at lunch today and saw (an ALMOST bought) a Bunny kit (The cotton tail, silk cuffs, and ears) but NO, I 'put the bunny costume kit down and walked away.' Mainly because I couldn't get the scene from BRIDGET JONES "Tarts and Vicars" party. Sadly, I'd look more like Bridget Jones than Bridget from "The Girls Next Door."
But, now I'm sitting here (at work - very bad!) thinking about that bunny costume and HOW CUTE IT WOULD LOOK ON DAISY!! So, I think I'll run BACK to JoAnn Etc. and grab that bunny kit for Miss Girl herself.
Hey - she deserves it - she poooed in my basement all weekend long (poor thing, not really her fault - think she had a bug - but she's better now) but needless to say, I had to clean it all up!! So, she's going to be a bunny for Halloween.
Last year she was Princess Leia . . . . The WIG alone, was worth the $10!! And, I was fostering another dog last year - and he was YODA . . . I know, I need a life . . .
Or, I watch to much GD E! television!!
New Season starts: October 5th
AND: you can buy bobble head dolls!! I may just have to get one and put my picture on it - as this will be the CLOSEST I ever come to being a BUNNY.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Had too much fun at IKEA while in Cincinnati so it's off to work I go tomorrow AM. I was actually proud of myself that I didn't spend one single dime while I was recruiting in the malls (I believe this is a FIRST for me) but that was only because I had gone to IKEA Tuesday night when I arrived in Cincy and had my mind set on a new coffee table, bookcase/desk for my office and an end table to match my coffee table. I feel so grown up right now, because I actually have 2 pieces of "matching" furniture in my house right now and they didn't belong to someone else before me!!
Pretty sad - I actually have other furniture in my house that isn't "hand me down" but it just feels like a long time since I've gotten something new. And, if I would have had a bigger rental car - I'd have even more new furniture here today. I guess I should thank God for small miracles and small rental cars.
Well, now I'm off to decorating sites to try to find some ideas to paint my office to match my new furniture!!
This could get expensive. . . .