The Mother Ship . . .

is right down the road from my hotel!!

And, I didn't fly this time - I have a car that I can LOAD, LOAD, LOAD up!! (well, I can load as much as my VISA will allow!!) I've already been there - had an hour to kill before I met my nephew for dinner tonight. And, he thought he got a discount here from his school - turns out - NO - bummer. So, I've got my list of things to go back and buy before I head home!!!

Why oh why don't they put an IKEA closer to my home?? Oh yeah, because I'd be B R O K E!!

Can't stop thinking about . . .

The bunnies!! OMG! I seriously need an intervention. So, yesterday I'm driving home - flipping through the 100+ channels of Sirius radio and I landed on . . . you guessed it . . . the PLAYBOY channel!!!! Something is going on in my Universe - seriously - I can't stop watching The Girls Next Door, I flip on the E! channel to watch Sunset Tan and instead the THS of Hugh Hefner is on, and now my car is no longer a safe zone!

And, if that wasn't enough, there's a CONTEST on the Playboy Channel to win a VISIT to the PB Mansion!!! Ok - so I'm totally NOT going to win - but I'm TOTALLY going to try!!! I'm also going to have to make another visit to my dentist and have my mouth wired shut so I can lose enough weight to actually make it through the front door of the Mansion. (I should blog about the $4-5K I've put into my teeth this year - I have bad teeth and I'm not British - more on my teeth another time)

I don't want to be HH's girlfriend or anything like that - ewww.. I've slept with a much older guy (well, he wasn't 80) and eecchhh, I just don't know WHAT phase I was going through - but I am sooooooo OVER it.

Anyway, back to the contest - I do think it would be way cool to win this contest and actually meet the legendary Playboy himself. Hey - maybe I could write one of those "articles" for the magazine - you know - that's why everyone reads the magazine right? For the articles . . . .

Seriously . . . I think I need help . . .

I mean - every time I turn on the tv there they are - the Playboy Bunnies. I keep dreaming about becoming a bunny (so NEVER, EVER, EVER going to happen - unless I happen to catch some horrible disease that makes me drop like 100 lbs.)

The other day - I turned on E! to watch the new episode of my newest addiction - "Sunset Tan" and the menu said it was supposed to be on - but The True Hollywood story of Hugh Heffner was on and of course I couldn't NOT watch it.

Well - I'm off to a bon fire for nephew - he's off to college next week - my little nephews' all growd up!!

Hump Day . . .

Well, here I am - Wednesday morning (Hump Day) and sadly, no great dream last night. What's even more maddening - is that I was able to sleep through the whole night (well, that's a good thing actually) but I didn't have to wake up in the middle of any dream to go to the bathroom and the night this happens? NO DREAM!! Ugghhh.. I even watched all sorts of stupid reality TV to get my brain working on something good.

But, nothing. And - the last thing I watched before drifting off was my new boyfriend - Benjamin Bratt - and still, NOTHING!!

But - that's not even the HALF of it!! While I was on my way to work this morning - I check my voice mail and learned that my dearest Dave got lucky last night!!! He's in ALABAMA for work for one week out of the year and hooks up. I travel EVERY OTHER WEEK - all year round - and haven't even had more than a mere DRINK with someone!! What is up with that!!

Well, since it's HUMP DAY - I feel it is my duty to go out tonight and . . . what? Nothing - I'll have a few (8) $5 martinis and go home and HOPE I have a naughty dream. My life is soooooooooooo PG right now . . .

Off to bed . . . .

Hmmmm... so tonight I had Taco Bell - Mexican (sorta) again. And AGAIN I watched "The Girls Next Door" - shut up! I can't help it - I think secretly I want to be a bunny - too bad I weigh as much as all three of them together (well, not really - but that's how I feel - especially after the Taco Bell!) So, I"m getting ready to 'hit the hay' but what am I watching now? The Cleaner on A&E - oooohhhh Benji Bratt - oooo laaaa laaaa - me like you dirty!!!!

Seriously - I thought you were HOT on L & O - but OH MY GAWD - are you FREAKING hot as a cleaned up druggie!!


Hmmmm... Playboy bunnies - former drug addicts, now cleaners no wonder my dreams are a little eefffd up!!

Nighty night y'all!!!

Bunny Dreams . . .

My dreams are getting weird these days and I used to think it was based on what I ate before I went to bed. Yes, I eat right before I go to bed – hmmm… ya think that has ANYTHING to do with my weight loss issues?? Nah me neither. Anyway, I’m not convinced it’s the food I eat – because last night I ate some home made salsa and chips before going beddie bye and I didn’t dream of Mexico or anything remotely Mexican. No, I dreamt that I met “The Girls Next Door” along with Hugh Heffner!!

I was watching the show before I went to bed – shut up! I love this show! I know, I know – he’s an old fart living with 3 twenty-something’s – so what! Good for him I say!! I’m just jealous that it’s not ME living in that mansion! And, c’mon you can’t help but laugh at how silly these girls really are. Add to that, my own body issues. It’s a 30 minute escape for me to wish that I could be airbrushed to look that perfect.

So, back to my dream, well first off I have to have a conversation with my Id because in my dream I was not “airbrushed or perfect” I was just plain old, fat me!!! I mean hello Id, if we’re dreaming here – can’t you dream me a size 0 with a nice ass and perfect tits (I mean mine are good and all – but they’re OLD and starting to show their age!!) Sheez!

Anyway – I was in VEGAS with friends or work people – that part was hazy, but I definitely met “The Girls” and Heff and they invited us to come to the Playboy Club at the Palms and party with them. Then, I had to go pee, which is par for the course with me because I have to pee about a million times a day – so why not in a dream? But, I REALLY had to pee…. and woke up to go do so. End of dream.
Hmmm… It’s Tuesday night – what’s on tonight? Pamela Anderson’s show? Oooo la la … Will I dream of Tommy’s HUGE…

Can’t wait for bed!! ; )

Zoo B Do

This past Sunday, my new BFF Jerry, and I went to the Zoo here in Akron, OH. I have lived here all of my life and sadly, I've never EVER been to the Zoo - or if I have, I don't remember it. I guess in the past, the Akron Zoo wasn't all that great, but I have to say, for a small town like Akron, OH - our Zoo was really nice!! Small - yes - but nice - Absolutely!! I did feel bad for some of the animals because their "areas" were somewhat small - and seriously these animals should have more room - but all of the areas were done well - had grass, etc. No concrete or just plain cages - thank goodness.

Jerry was an absolute RIOT at the zoo. I wanted to go mainly to take pictures with my DSLR camera that I've had since January and have used only a handful of times. So, Jerry was the tour guide and I was the tourist with her big and bulky camera trying to catch everything and anything on film. As the proper tour guide - Jerry read all of the placards describing each and every animal and exhibit. He even jumped in and helped people find the animals that were hiding!

One of the funniest things - and I swear - I ALMOST DROPPED my $600 camera - was when we walked past the parrots - this freaking bird let out a "call" or whatever birds like this do and I'm telling you that Jerry (and me too) jumped right out of his skin!! Typing this right now, I'm cracking up re-living it! This bird was PISSED and he let us know it!!

Right now at the zoo - there is a JELLY FISH exhibit and it is waaaaay cool! Check out some of my pictures - I'm still a novice with my camera - but these displays were just toooo cool.

We even got to be "hands on" and Jerry got to handle a LIVE Starfish and this made his day!

The end of the day came with a bang - LITERALLY. As we were walking out - I thought we'd seen it all, but there were FLAMINGOS gathered together to wish us off - and - some getting off as well. Seriously, as I stood there taking pictures of all the pretty pink flamingos - there they were - two DIRTY BIRDS doing the nasty for all of us to see.

I knew there was a reason I loved Flamingos.